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TWO-AND-A-HALF WAYS You're Going to Die In A Black Hole...You Know, If You Want To Dwell On Something Morbid

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As someone who is positive that her death will be the kind that makes the news, I often spend a good deal of time searching out all the ways a human being can die (I want to be ready for it) and in this case (being killed via a black hole) I now have the opportunity to become paranoid about losing my life through something called spaghettification and/or being incinerated by an event horizon.

Of course no one knows exactly what would happen to a person if a black hole suddenly sprouted up in their garden, but that doesn't stop scientists from speculating on the horrors one would suffer if that bastard was unluckily pulled inside one.

Which is just the ammunition I need to become a freak about something that will probably never happen.

If you'd like to join me in worrying about something that most all of us will never experience then feel free to watch a great little video put together by NOVA after the break, if you are a well-adjusted human being that doesn't see why you should have to worry about something that has very little chance of occurring on earth, than fuck you.

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27 AMAZING FACTS ABOUT COMIC STRIPS

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I'm kinda in a comic strip mood today. First of all, I'm supper excited about the documentary Stripped about the history and future of comic strips now that print is pretty much dead (you can pre-order it on iTunes, the release date is April 1st) and since I have a full-blown nerd crush on John Green, it seems almost kismet that he and Mental Floss put out another one of their trivia-soaked videos, this time about Comic Strips (why couldn't we have dated in high school or something? We would have been so cute together).

Chock full of delicious tidbits about Garfield, Peanuts, The Wizard of Id, Bill Watterson and so many more that any comic strip fan will feel delightfully fed.

So check it out after the break and feel free to leave your own comic strip trivia in the comments.

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Sunday Night Doom: TRUE DETECTIVE and THE WALKING DEAD

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I still dislike Sunday nights.

Schoolboy anxiety of the week ahead was replaced by that of the working world. (For jobs that where I didn't work nights and weekends.) The weekend draws to a close, two fleeting days of recreation, playtime, much-needed catching up around the house, and then back to the rat race.

But before I get back into that hamster wheel called life, there's one more night to entertain me, to take me away from my cares.

Well, at least there used to be.

These past few Sunday nights have been dominated by doom. Thanks to AMC's The Walking Dead and HBO's True Detective, I have newfound reasons to equate the South with apocalyptic despair. Rust Cohle and Marty Hart, Rick Grimes and Lil' Psycho Carl.


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SIN CITY: A DAME TO KILL FOR Gets a Trailer

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It's been almost a decade, but the sequel to Sin City finally gets a trailer.

Once again, a collaboration between Robert Rodriguez and Frank Miller, this film is based upon Miller's comic book series.

The film features the return of Mickey Rourke, Bruce Willis, Jessica Alba,  Jaime King Powers Boothe and Rosario Dawson as well as new cast members Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Eva Green, Juno Temple, Josh Brolin, Jamie Chung, Lady Gaga, Christopher Meloni, Jeremy Piven, Ray Liotta, Dennis Haysbert and Stacy Keach.

Check out the trailer after the jump.  Sin City: A Dame to Kill For Opens on August 22, 2014.

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The 12 Worst View-Master Sets Never Made

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In 1939, just four years after the invention of Kodachrome color film, the View-Master was introduced. A special-format stereoscope that utilized their own system of reels, thin cardboard disks containing seven stereoscopic 3-D pairs of small color photographs on film. At it's introduction at the World's Fair, the View-Master was intended as an alternative to the scenic postcard and was distributed at gift shops, stationary stores and photography shops.

View-Master became a huge brand, eventually expanding into licensed reels and evolving into an extremely popular children's toy with reels covering everything from cartoon characters, popular television and movie titles, sports and juvenalia.

I've come across many in my time, including the dozen after the jump which might be considered the worst.


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TEN FROM TOHO (Godzilla Not Included)

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Everybody knows the classic Godzilla films produced by Toho Studios, the premier production and distribution company in Japanese film history.  Toho made other genre pictures too, such as samurai epics directed by Kurosawa or anime epics like Akira.

But the classic kaiju films made during the classic kaiju era - roughly the mid 1950s through the mid 1970s - have a language and style of their own.


I thought it would be fun to list ten Toho sci-fi and fantasy pictures that don't feature the studio's famous kaiju even though they were produced during the classic kaiju era. Several of these underdog pictures rival or even surpass any of the Godzilla films for unrestrained action and imagination.

I comment further on these pictures in my Claws & Saucers guidebook. But I hope you'll enjoy the links and comments here:


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Win DARK HOUSE on Blu-ray!

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Famed horror director Victor Salva (Jeepers Creepers trilogy) returns in the blood-curdling new film Dark House, starring Tobin Bell (Saw franchise), which arrives on cable VOD, Blu-ray Disc and DVD March 11.

From the mind of Charles Agron, the eerie thriller follows Nick Di Santo (Luke Kleintank, “Pretty Little Liars”) who has the chilling ability to foresee how one will inevitably perish by simply touching them. Tormented by this power, Nick learns from his institutionalized mother (Golden Globe® nominee Lesley-Anne Down, North and South) that his father, whom he previously thought was deceased, is actually alive. Hoping that he can reveal the origin of his dark gift, Nick sets off to find his father with his best friend (Anthony Ray Perez, Don’t Pass Me By) and girlfriend (Alex McKenna, “90210”).

Along their journey, they are terrified when they realize that every road they take leads them to the same decrepit mansion, one that only previously existed in Nick’s childhood imagination. Finally succumbing to the will of the house, Nick soon finds himself in a horrifying battle with a mysterious, haunting figure (Bell).

And we're giving away a copy!

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300: RISE OF AN EMPIRE (review)

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Review by Clay N Ferno
Produced by Gianni Nunnari, Mark Canton, 
Zack Snyder, Deborah Snyder, Bernie Goldmann
Screenplay by Zack Snyder, Kurt Johnstad
Based on Xerxes by Frank Miller
Directed by Noam Murro
Starring Sullivan Stapleton, Eva Green, Lena Headey, 
Hans Matheson, Rodrigo Santoro, Callan Mulvey 


The sequel to the 2006 epic comic book film 300 is an impressive one, taking place at a similar timeline to the first movie as Greeks defend their land against Persia.

The beginning of the movie shows the mystical origin of the God King Xerxes (Rodrigo Santoro) as well as the rise of Athenian general Themistokles (Sullivan Stapleton).

In a refreshing breath of balance not seen often in Hollywood action movies today are the two female leads, Persian ally Artemisia (Eva Green) and widow of King Leonidas, Queen Gorgo (Lena Headey).

At points, it seems the God King Xerxes’ origin was a red herring, allowing these ladies to shine and spill copious amounts of blood with their own blades, while the golden king sat on the safety of this throne—quite literally the backseat for this movie.

Embrace the 3D version of this movie if you can! “Tonight we dine…in spectacle”!

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WTF FRIDAY: A Black and White Cartoon About Roof Tiling...It's Not A Home Depot Video, I Promise

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If I had to pick two of my very favorite animators that I would kill to drink with, I would have to say that Don Hertzfeldt and David Firth fit that bill quite nicely. But while Hertzfeldt's work has a style that is more conducive to the guzzling of wine and/or small-batch beer brews, Firth's style is more like long nights of Jagermeister shots followed by alcohol poisoning.

In other words, Firth is beautifully psychotic.

And in this offering, A Black and White Cartoon About Roof Tiling by Firth, the story is not so much about fixing a roof as it is the story of one man's crippling depression and hatred for just about everything on the planet (you know, things we can all identify with).

Done computer-free using only animated paper drawings, this darkly funny look at insanity is just about as close to crazy perfection as one is going to get.

Check it out after the break and I'm buying the next round of shots.

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CANADA HAS A BEER ENERGY DRINK, If You Need Me, I'll Be In Canada

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In America, Energy Drinks are mainly drunk by upper class moms who wear tight workout gear while shopping at the mall, or by drunken frat boys at bars looking for a good way to deliver GHB to the some sorority sisters, but in Canada, it seems that people actually workout (as proven by the Winter Olympics) and when they are done being awesome, they want to swig something that not only replenishes the minerals and vitamins they lost, they also want it to have beer in it...THE WAY GOD MEANT FOR AN ENERGY DRINK TO BE.

Now, before you get all up in arms about liquored up athletes still kicking American ass in Winter sports, know this, there is scientific proof that a 'Recovery Ale' can actually be good for you (Yay Science!). According to a study in the International Journal of Sports Nutrition and Exercise Metabolism a sports nutritionist (from Griffith University in Australia), Ben Desbrow, has determined that:

"A properly formulated beer beverage is likely to do you no more harm than you are likely to get from a sports drink," Desbrow says. "In fact, it probably is likely to do you more good, because it's got a lot of these sort of natural compounds, like polyphenols, that are actually good for your health." [NPR]

(sound of bags being packed)

The actual alcohol content of Lean Machine (a stupid name for the greatest product ever) is only 0.5% (with 77 calories per can) so it's not like you are going to get drunk swigging one of these after your workout, but at least you will have an energy drink that doesn't need vodka in it to make it more palatable. 

You can pre-order a case of Lean Machine HERE.

Looks like Zumba got a lot more fun.

Source: Geekosystem

TRUE DETECTIVE Opening Gets the Law & Order Treatment

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I don't know about you but there is something infinitely comforting about turning on Netflix or TNT and seeing the soul-hugging face of Sam Waterston fighting for the constitutional rights of all of us. It just makes you feel like everything is going to be all right in the end.

So it only seems fitting (and completely awesome) that society's newest addiction, True Detective, would get the same cold opening treatment that Law and Order has, after-all, doesn't hearing Bum-BumBumBumBum-Bum make you feel all warm and cozy inside?

I know I do.

Video after the break.

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Double Feature Movie Show: DEPRESSION

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Those of us who have loved ones with depression have to do everything we can to make sure that they don’t do that.

We have to do our best to make them feel loved and worthy of that love.

And we have to make sure that they want to get the help that they need.

This is a double feature of movies with very good portrayals of clinical depression.


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GREEN LANTERN THE ANIMATED SERIES Comes to Blu-ray!

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Amazon Offering Pre-Orders for Warner Archive Collection’s March 18
Blu-ray Release of Green Lantern: The Complete Animated Series

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Win a Box of PERFETTO PENCILS

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Legendary designer Louise Fili brings her love of vintage packaging and all things Italian to this collection of beautiful pencils. Housed in a sturdy lidded case, Perfetto Pencils features twelve double-sided, two-color pencils that showcase Fili's unique ability to capture the bygone elegance of our design heritage.
And we're giving away three sets thanks to our friends at Princeton Architectural Press.

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That Time of The Week - DVD & Blu-ray Releases From 3/4

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Another stack of reviews for some of the latest titles available now on DVD and Blu-ray.  Among the gems this week are this years Oscar-winning best picture, an Australian tv series well worth your time, a remake of a beloved Korean cult film that's actually worth your time and the best performance ever from the late Paul Walker.

Fire up that queue and prep that shopping cart. It's that time of the week.


The Visitor

New Video Group / Released 3/4/14
In this unforgettable assault on reality - fully restored and presented completely uncut for the first time ever in HD - legendary Hollywood director/actor John Huston (The Maltese Falcon: Treasure of the Sierra Madre) stars as an intergalactic warrior who joins a cosmic Christ figure in battle against a demonic 8-year-old girl and her pet hawk, while the fate of the universe hangs in the balance. Multi-dimensional warfare, pre-adolescent profanity and brutal avian attacks combine to transport the viewer to a stat unlike anything they've experienced... somewhere between Hell, the darkest reaches of outer space, and Atlanta, GA. The Visitor fearlessly fuses elements of The Omen, Close Encounters of the Third Kind, The Birds, Rosemary's Baby, The Fury, and even Star Wars, creating the most ambitious of all 70s psychedelic mindwarps. Its baffling all-star cast includes Shelley Winters (Night of the Hunter), Glenn Ford (Superman), Lance Henriksen (Aliens), Franco Nero (Django) and Sam Peckinpah (director of The Wild Bunch).  Extras include trailer, interviews and a 16 Page Booklet.

Last Word: Hoo boy. If you don’t know anything about this oddity, brace yourself. It’s a fairly batshit hodgepodge of a bunch of other more popular movies. I first caught this movie (in a truncated cut) when I was 13. It was very late at night during the summer, long after my mom had gone to bed, and we had a free HBO weekend. I just knew it was a sci-fi/horror film with an interesting cast.  Well, I enjoyed it, though I had some criticisms about the filmmaking and writing (I was a huge Spielberg fan at the time, so I was used to Hollywood polish). I just watched it again (in a longer cut) for the first time in over 30 years – and I enjoyed it. Though I had some criticisms about the filmmaking and writing, natch.

The Visitor has developed a cult reputation over the years for combining so many disparate story threads and ideas and for making little sense.  This is all true, but there’s something about this movie….while it’s loaded with cheese and is rather baffling, it’s got some truly cool moments and genuinely stylish and effective scenes mixed in with the awkward dialogue and bombastic score.  The film starts off with John Huston (yep!) on what appears to be a stark, oddly beautiful planet where he faces off with Satan (nee Sateen, an evil alien) who then turns into a little girl before snow (I think?) mutates her face and a flock of birds fly around and….oh, hell, I dunno, but I certainly wasn’t bored.  Then Jesus (I think?) shows up, played by Italian mainstay Franco Nero, telling us – and a group of bald children --  that Sateen is planning to dominate the world with his plan of impregnating a bunch of Earth women with his evil seed. Then we meet Lance Henriksen at a very surreal pro basketball game where a sinister little girl seems to be guiding the outcome of the game with her mind and…again, it’s never boring.

The Visitor is a mess, but it’s a lot of fun. It’s not an atrocious/wonderful laughfest along the lines of The Room or Troll 2. Not all of the enjoyment comes at the film’s expense. For film buffs, it’s a hoot to see Nero, Huston, Henriksen, Joanna Nail (Switchblade Sisters), Mel Ferrer, Glenn Ford, Shelley Winters and Sam Peckinpah (!). With actors like these, the class factor goes up a bit, even if they’re all slumming (though Winters is actually good). As the evil little girl, Paige Connor is uneven, but I think it’s more the fault of language barrier (director Michael J. Paradise – a pseudonym – refused to speak English on set) and wacked-out script.  When she’s good, she’s really good, and she’s easy to hate, so kudos, young lady.

And, oh, that bombastic score. At times it resembles a funky take on “Thus Spake Zarathustra” and at others like the score to a cheap 70s superhero movie. It kicks in almost randomly, and stops abruptly more than a few times. There’s a great moment when we are led to believe a major character has been killed, but when said character is revealed to be unharmed, the score kicks in full force, causing me to laugh out loud and clap in goofball cinematic bliss.  Also, the film has an indelible dreamlike quality. Like many Italian genre films of this era, The Visitor operates on a sort of “dream logic”. Critics would often deride filmmakers for claiming this as laziness when it comes to attributing, you know, actual logic and believable character motivation to their films. But in the right frame of mind, these types of films can be thoroughly enjoyable as movies. They’re all about vision and sound and maybe not much else, but hey! That’s movies, gang. Obviously, I wouldn’t want all the movies I see to be like The Visitor, but let’s not bitch when something so entertaining exists, yeah?

Drafthouse Films has just released a blu-ray of The Visitor and while there’s certainly dirt on the print here and there, it looks pretty damned great. And it looks like FILM.  Light grain and all.   As far as extras, there’s a fun reissue trailer, a very amusing interview with screenwriter Lou Comici, and a terrific, albeit brief, remembrance with Lance Henriksen. Both Henriksen and Comici seem to think the final result is terrible, but neither can talk about it without smiling or laughing. (– Dean Galanis)

12 Years a Slave

20th Century Fox / Released 3/4/14
From acclaimed director Steve McQueen comes this Academy Award Best Picture, based on the true story of Solomon Northup.  It is 1841, and Northup (Chiwetel Ejiofor in a gripping performance), an accomplished, free citizen of New York, is kidnapped and sold into slavery. Stripped of his identity and deprived of all dignity, Northup is ultimately purchased by ruthless plantation owner Edwin Epps (Michael Fassbender) and must find the strength within to survive. Filled with powerful performances by an astonishing cast that includes Benedict Cumberbatch, Brad Pitt and newcomer Lupita Nyong'o, 12 Years A Slave is both an unflinching account of slavery in American history and a celebration of the indomitable power of hope. Extras include interviews and featurettes.

Last Word: This recent multiple award winning film deserves every accolade that it's won with it's powerful depiction of the one of the most horrific sins in American history.  At the core of the story, is a dark, heartbreaking atrocity that is so emotionally overwhelming, that often the film is difficult to watch, much less digest.  Performances are all spectacular, including Academy Award winner Lupita Nyong'o and star Chiwetel Ejiofor and an ensemble which includes Michael Fassbender, Benedict Cumberbatch, Paul Dano, Paul Giamatti, Sarah Paulson, Brad Pitt, Alfre Woodard, Scoot McNairy, Taran Killam, Michael K. Williams, Garret Dillahunt and Quvenzhané Wallis.  It's easy to say that 12 Years A Slave isn't a particularly easy watch, but it is one of the more important ones of this or any other year and truly is a must see.


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JEAN-CLAUDE VAN DAMME Searches For Tootsie-Pop Answers In 'Licks of Justice'

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Knowing how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie-Pop shouldn't be a violent endeavour, unfortunately, when you add in JCVD that's exactly what you get...violence.

And in this mock ad/action short flick, the question doesn't revolve around "Licks" so much as it does "How many hits does it take to kill a person?" Which completely changes my whole perspective on lollipops with a chewy center.

Watch and have your childhood destroyed after the break.

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MUSIC VIDEO MONDAY: Pac-Man Fever- Buckner & Garcia on American Bandstand in '82

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While going through my musical memories yesterday I was in a quandary on whether to promote Buckner and Garcia's Pac-Man Fever or go with Do the Donkey Kong, after-all, both are such horrid songs and are dually worthy of being the one true Music Video Monday Pick.

Of course, if I'm being completely honest here, the entirety of their 1982 concept album, Pac-Man Fever, contains a plethora of other video game-related songs: Ode to a Centipede, Hyperspace (which is about Asteroids), Froggy's Lament, The Defender, Goin' Berzerk and Mousetrap, that any one of them could have made the cut.

But alas, I chose their more well-known song Pac-Man Fever due to its legacy in Pop Culture and how drunk people over the age of thirty-five still seem to know all the words.

So check out the duo on American Bandstand back in 1982 when teenagers were really into dancing to songs about arcade games.

The graphics alone are mind-blowing.

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Worst Book Covers, Anne Rice Signs, Best March Releases & More

Wanna See A Hairpiece Play Your Favorite Huey Lewis and the News Song On A Keyboard? Yeah, I Thought So

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In this Old Spice commercial about hair products so good that they turn your noggin covering into a bona fide Huey Lewis cover artist, you, the viewer, get to pick a song from the HL and the News catalog and Harry will play it for you...on a keyboard.

I chose a few myself and although I'm a bit upset that the hairpiece refused my request for the song Naturally, I can honestly say that he does do a great job at their more well known hits.

So go ahead and get the hairpiece to play a few for you after the break, you'll be glad that you did.

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SXSW Review - THAT GUY DICK MILLER

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Review by Todd Sokolve
Directed by Elijah Drenner   
Starring Dick Miller, Lainie Miller   
Featuring Allan Arkush, Julie Corman, Roger Corman, 
Joe Dante, Fred Dekker, Ernest R. Dickerson,
 Corey Feldman, Robert Forster, Zach Galligan, 
Larry Karaszewski, Leonard Maltin, Fred Olen Ray, 
Adam Rifkin, William Sadler, Mary Woronov        


If you're a true fan of film, you need no introduction to legendary character actor Dick Miller.

If you're a fan of Dick Miller, you know it's about damn time someone made a documentary about him.

THAT GUY DICK MILLER started out as a possible German DVD extra for War of the Satellites, but thanks to funding from a Kickstarter campaign, director Elijah Drenner was able to expand on the concept.


Although the film does dip into DVD extra territory in style a tad much, it's never short of being entertaining.

I had a smile on my face from start to finish in the same giddy glee of my inner 13 year old flipping through a new issue of Fangoria.

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