I'm freezing. I wanna know, since when did the term "winter vortex" become part of our daily conversations?
As
Drew Carey once said on a subzero day as he stood on his front porch spraying an aerosol can in the air:
"Where's that global warming when we need it?"
If you're anywhere within a broadcast radius where TV weathermen deliver the line "chill factor" with all the seriousness of
Frank Sinatra telling a bartender there's no last call when he's at the bar, then you've been suffering through "bone chill factor" temperatures for the better part of this winter.
As a victim of this Arctic blast, not even overhearing a conversation between
Ozzy Osbourne and
Keith Richards could melt the frostbite around my funny bone enough to laugh.
Okay, I take that one back. I think it would be funny, but the thought still didn't make it any warmer around here.
People in the northern climates are getting slammed this winter with wave after wave of frigid air that makes going outside a cause for brain freeze. If you haven't felt it, no words can describe it. If you have, your description would leave us cold because no words could do it justice.
As my buddy Canadian deejay
Bryan Cox described it to me in an email: "It's been so cold up here that
Walt Disney moved in next door."
For a rise in temperature, I've been searching for relief in my personal classic rock archives, which is a corner in our basement my wife has vowed never to touch until after I've gone off to visit Uncle Walt in his Frozen Kingdom. Following my personal last call she's also vowed to put everything on eBay. But before she cashes it in for a one way ticket to paradise (meaning Disneyland and not a rendezvous with
Eddie Money) I'm still the ruler of my own Musical Kingdom.
So as I was saying…
I've been going through the archives looking for the best classic rock songs to warm things up until we reach the time of year when we can kick on the air conditioner to blast out the summer heat we'll be complaining about. But the obvious choices from hot to trot oversexed rock stars just aren't bringing out the sweat factor I'm looking for.
It's no secret rockers from every generation have been turning up the heat singing about their sexual prowess from the bedroom to the backseat of daddy's T-Bird.
From
Adam Ant putting the moves on a goody two shoes to
Steven Tyler making love in an elevator, it's pretty much all been said and… yes… wait for it…
done.
After all, that's the true definition of rock'n roll. We've rocked and we've rolled and that's why there's a younger generation that has never heard of Adam Ant and only know Steven Tyler from
American Idol. But I'm not traveling the traditional rock'n roll sex machine route today.
That would be too easy.
Admittedly that last statement would get any groupie immediate backstage access, but we're looking for more than that right now.
Donna Summer singing
Love To Love You Baby or
The Raspberries coaxing us to
Go All The Way could certainly heat things up, but we need an immediate rise in body temperature. There's no time to waste on foreplay because it's too damn cold and we just wanna get warm.
So to jump right into the heat of things here are…
The Top Three Temperature Rising Classic Rock Songs
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