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STAR TREK INTO GRATUITOUS

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I am not going to review the new Star Trek movie.

Other people with a better command of the English language can do that, however, I am going to question the necessity of one particular scene.


Alice Eve, a deadly weapons expert and new crewmember on the Enterprise, is caught getting changed by a drooling Kirk. As he is reduced to stunned silence, she stands frontal to camera in her matching pants feigning surprise at his cheek, playfully declaring, “I told you to turn around.” 


It’s like I was watching Carry On Star Trek as imagined by Michael Bay. You would hope filmmakers of Abrams caliber would concentrate on including scenes essential to plot, incidences which relate to character development and their battle with a particular fear or demon or shots that exist for little more then titillation.

In the case of Into Darkness, Kirks fear is loosing the enterprise and its crew, his "family.” Alice Eve confronting him with her glorious breasts (I can not question them, they are lovely) is not a fear he must fight.

He does not have a fear of breasts.

Or navels.


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A SUPERCUT of the Best Musical Moments From Arrested Development

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With Arrested Development starting back up in just two glorious days (whose gonna sit for twelve awesome hours straight, living on liquid food products and wearing adult diapers so they don't have to move from the couch besides me?) there's going to be an awful lot of old episodes being discussed, an in-depth analysis of character nuances and, of course, various jokes from the show being told by fans both on line and in person (you've been warned my friends).

But let's not forget the myriad of musical numbers and song snippets that showed up during the show's three seasons on FOX that people may or may not realize they hum when lost in thought (I can't tell you how many times I sing It Isn't Easy Being White while at the grocery store).

So come along on a musical adventure with this supercut of every song that appeared on AD...let's hope the new season adds even more songs to your repertoire.

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MY TOP 5: BEST OF BOB DYLAN

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On this day in 1941, one of the most important figures in rock and roll history was born.

Bob Dylan is as ubiquitous as The Beatles of Elvis Presley, but he's always been less comfortable with it than any of those five guys.

His earth-shaking music changed everything. And it really wasn't just pop music that was changed. He also managed to make us change the way we see the world.


Not only is he an amazing songwriter and musician, but he has quite a few great films circling his legend. Documentaries, narratives, weird concert films that were just barely officially released…it's all at least interesting.

Let's check out the five best.

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STOP THE PIGEON! The WACKY RACES Come To Life For Peugeot Commercial

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Ever wonder what the Hanna-Barbera cartoon cars from Wacky Races would look life in real life?

Yeah, I didn't either until this Brazilian commercial for Peugeot made it happen and now all I want Penelope Pitstop's Pink Compact Pussycat (and no I'm not referring to her vagina, although that is one hell of a euphemism).

The commercial stars Dirk Dastardly and Muttley, The Slag Brothers, Red Max, The Gruesome Twosome and  Sargent Blast and Private Meekly, The Ant Hill Mob, Pete Perfect, the aforementioned Penelope Pitstop and some stupid Peugeot that looks completely bland compared to the awesome autos that surround it.

Take a gander after the break.

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HANNIBAL: "Trou Normand" S1E9 (recap)

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By Kate McKendry
On a beach in West Virginia, the BAU investigates a totem pole of corpses built on the beach, made from victims who had all been buried on the beach except for the top victim, who is the only recently killed one.

Will (Hugh Dancy) puts himself in the killer’s shoes, building the pole of dismembered body parts.


The most recent victim laid bound and gagged on the beach, purposefully alive, watching the killer build the pillar.


Will, as the killer, kills the man.

The pillar was built as a legacy.

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CONTEST! Win NIGHTFALL on Blu-ray!

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He is a Hong Kong celebrity - a master pianist, adored, sought after by many.
 
He is dead.

Detective Lam (Simon Yam) is called in to find the murderer, and quickly identifies a killer from the past - a brutal man, just released from prison (Nick Cheung) with ties to the family.  But the more Lam investigates, the truth becomes harder to find.  

What unfolds is a crime from the past. 20 years of lies, and a secret so shocking it threatens to pull the entire case down.  Who is the victim and who is the killer? 

From the director of Murderer and starring two of Hong Kong's most exciting action stars comes a gritty, brutal story of love, hate and vengeance.

And we're giving away three copies!


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WTF FRIDAY: David Lee Roth Stars in A Bizarre Trailer For A Movie That Doesn't Exist...And He Does It Shirtless

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David Lee Roth is man of many talents and...okay, so here's the deal, Roth wrote and stars as an Anglo-Japanese hit man in this trailer for a movie that does not exist, has no apparent plot and contains an awkward scene of him slowly undressing in order to show off his body so that people will still think he's worthy of being put back into the spank bank.

Does he succeed?

I have no idea, I'm still confused by it.

Watch and discuss.

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FOG! Exclusive: Read An Excerpt From THE GREAT AMERICAN JET PACK

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In The Great American Jet Pack: The Quest for the Ultimate Individual Lift Device, Steve Lehto (Chrysler’s Turbine Car), offers a definitive history of the jetpack and comparable solo flying devices—like flying shoes, hovering platforms and jet belts—explaining how the extraordinary technology arose, how they worked and why they never became the commercial success they were expected to become. With a colorful cast of characters—inventors, scientists, hucksters and cheats—The Great American Jet Pack tells the essentially American story of man’s pursuit of flight without wings and the technology whose promise may one day yet be realized—perfect for technology fans, history buffs and anyone who has dreamed of what it would be like to fly.
And thanks to our friends at Chicago Review Press, we're presenting a fantastic excerpt of this entertaining and illuminating book.

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THE BACHELORETTE Has Thankfully Scooped Up All Of the Biggest Numbnuts...If This Parade of Asshats Is to Be Believed

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These are the contestants on The Bachelorette, be happy they have been taken off the market

I tend to stay away from reality television as it is A) Not Real and B) Filled with the worst possible human beings littering this planet.

However, this two minute clip of single men trying to impress one "lucky" lady on The Bachelorette seems to prove that the world of Renobs has thankfully been filtered out of the main gene pool and have, instead, been quarantined in the fecund swamp butt of reality TV where they will hopefully be torn apart by various members of either Duck Dynasty or Toddlers and Tiaras (or whatever people watch these days).

If this is how people make first impressions on those they want to bone, then I am certainly glad I grew up in an age where we all just got high and played Spin the Bottle in order to find our soul mate (That wasn't just me was it?).

Clip of the Asshat parade after break.

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FOG! Chats With ORPHAN BLACK Executive Producers Ivan Schneeberg and David Fortier

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Interview conducted by Lauren Berkley

The season finale of BBC America's Orphan Black airs this Saturday, June 1, and it has already been renewed for a second season.

I spoke to executive producers Ivan Schneeberg and David Fortier about the challenges of a serialized show, how all the clone scenes are shot, and taking their love of coffee to the extreme.

FOG!: How did you come up with the idea for Orphan Black?

David Fortier: Well, it was John Fawcett and Graeme Manson who came up with the idea. We optioned the script that Graham wrote 4 years ago. I guess they had been working on the script for quite a long time-- it was originally a feature idea and then it got workshopped at the Canadian Film Center when Graham was a showrunner-in-residence and they read a bunch of scripts.   When they both had a little bit of time in between gigs, they decided that they would try and get it up off the ground and they started going to different production companies.  We had been trying to work with these guys for a number of years, we were friends, and we worked with them as writer and director respectively, but not as showrunners.

So they asked Ivan and I to read it and we read it on a plane to London about 4 years ago and loved it, and as soon as we got off the plane in the cab, we phoned home and said, “Do you whatever you have to do to option this, because we need this script.” That was in 2009 and then from that period on, we began the development process with the two guys and there you have it.

FOG!: Let's backtrack for a second: A lot of people may not understand how the TV industry works, especially from a development, start-to-finish standpoint. Can you briefly tell us what it is you both do?

Ivan Schneeberg: Briefly? [laughs] Well, Dave and I are professional. We started as Executive Producers – we're Creative Producers – of TV shows. We started as showrunners ourselves and then started building a company around ourselves, so that we could make more shows that we were interested in and we effectively built out Temple Street Productions, which is our production company, and it would be like a mini-studio, the equivalent of an American studio, except we don't deficit finance; we have to raise the funding for our shows, so more like an American independent [studio].

We've got about 30 staff now here at Temple Street, many of whom work with us creatively developing different TV shows or for different genres; different things that we're interested in.

Dave and I continue to be the Creative Executive Producers of all of our shows, so any television shows that we make, Dave and I usually make the decision that we want to option them or commission them or work on them. We give notes, creatively, and we approve all the casting. We have in the past done all of the editing in a lot of our shows, as well.

We didn't do that in this case in Orphan Black, we had an editor who did most of the editing with the creative team, but we are creatively accountable for Orphan Black within Temple Street and also to our two broadcasters and our distributor, our worldwide distributor.

Ivan Schneeberg and David Fortier
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Add Animated Gifs to Your Bike Wheels Via This Kickstarter Campaign

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If you've ever been tooling around town on your Schwinn and thought, "You know what would be rad? Nyan cat on my bike spokes." then you might be ready to help Monkey Light Pro make that a reality.


The Kickstarter campaign is hoping to raise $180,000 by July 21st (They are already over $100,000 right now) which will allow bike enthusiasts to download animations or images to the Monkey Light Pro which will then display them on your bike wheels, thus allowing you to brand yourself completely to Grumpy Cat forever if you so choose.

Huzzah!

After the break are a few more pics of the wonder that is Monkey Light Pro, and video as well as a link to the Kickstarter page...I can already tell that you are thinking how cool your bike would look with Sad Keanu on the wheels.

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View From The Brig(gs) The Maddeningly Elusive (Episode) "10".

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Hey, Panzertroopers.

We made it to Installment 10 and we're double figures. Yay!  These past few weeks were the run-up to the Cannes Film Festival, and combined with that and us approaching the end of our "PANZER 88" casting, my partner Gary Kurtz and myself have been particularly fried.

So, there's no book reviews this time, as no books have been read. (Well, one nearly has, but it was dry reference and likely wouldn't be much of interest.)

Never mind: on with the show.

IN NOSE-SAWING 3-D THIS WEEK...


Yes, it's obviously "Star Trek" time. I enjoyed immensely J.J. Abrams' first 2009 reboot (overlooking the sometimes patently reverse-engineered plot), but the trailer for "Into Darkness" sounded a few battle-stations klaxons this time, and I was preparing myself for a "Quantum Of Solace" level disappointment. And, yep: that's pretty much what I got.

Forces Of Geek are doing a columnists' roundtable which I pitched into, so if you're interested in seeing my comments on the movie, take a look over there. Let's just say I wasn't massively impressed, and I think that feeling of disappointment is echoed across the interwebs.

J.J. Abrams has become a prolific producer, and an actually-good director to-boot, so why he allies himself with writing that drags his movies down is a shade confusing. I sincerely hope the writing team on "Star Wars" does a better job, or lynch mobs are going to be roaming the streets.

On a brief tangent, this Memorial Day 30 years ago today (the previous night, technically, for the triple bill that we in Britain were lucky enough to get) I was a nerdy kid in a homemade Han Solo outfit standing outside the Dominion Theater in London. If you own the "Star Wars" box set with Ken Burns' "Empire Of Dreams" documentary, there's actually a brief clip of a grinning me in said Corellian outfit.


Ah, the faint tang of trilogy-ending disappointment.

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Contest! Win SIDE-EFFECTS on DVD/Blu-Ray Combo Pack!

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From Academy Award®-winning director Steven Soderbergh (Traffic) comes this suspenseful and provocative tale of intrigue starring Channing Tatum, Academy Award® nominees Rooney Mara and Jude Law, and Academy Award® winner Catherine Zeta-Jones. After her husband (Tatum) is released from prison, Emily (Mara) begins suffering from terrifying anxiety and turns to psychiatrist Dr. Banks (Law) for help. But when Banks prescribes an experimental drug for her, the side effects have chilling and deadly consequences.
And we're giving away five copies!

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Arrested Development Season 4 (Review): UPDATED

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by Elizabeth Weitz
There’s a good chance that my disappointment in Arrested Development season 4 comes from the fact that I built up this gift from the television Gods too much, that it was never going to live up to the ideal that lived inside my head.

But I’d like to think that I’ve moved past the fan-girl phase of my life and this crushing blow that we’ve all been dealt comes from a story line that wasn’t quite thought out rather than me being an asshole.


My issues of the latest season of Arrested Development are simple:

1. The ensemble cast and the character interactions that made the show so spectacular during the past three seasons have been eviscerated. Instead each episode is dedicated to one character (with perhaps one or two other characters thrown in for color) in order to advance an overall story line which revolves around Lucille Bluth going to prison and a subplot involving a wall being built on the Mexico/American border and politician named Herbert Love (Which does not work half as well as the writers think it does).

The problem with this format becomes fairly obvious with the first episode; the characters themselves simply cannot work without the others to play off of (although I will say that the only character that seems remotely interesting by themselves is Gob).

The only time the show is truly enjoyable is when the characters do interact with one another (and that is few and far between) and you get a glimpse of how great season 4 could have been. 


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Triple Shot: X-MEN #1, CHEW #34 and EARTH 2 ANNUAL #1

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This week’s Triple Shot relaunches one of Marvel’s hottest books with an all-female cast, you’ll be hungry for more after reading the latest issues of Chew and Earth 2, but for different reasons.

There’s a new Batman in the town, but is his reveal the ultimate bat-tease?


X-MEN #1
WRITER: Brian Wood
ART: Olivier Coipel
Publication Date: May 29, 2013
Price: $3.99
Publisher: Marvel Comics
UPC: 75960607924700111
Buy it HERE

The role of female characters and creators diminishes over the years for some unknown reasons. When a book stars a female, or if Gail Simone publishes a new book, tumblr explodes with glee.

This book, is certainly no exception to that rule, as popular writer Brian Wood (The Massive, Star Wars, Mara) relaunches X-Men at number one.

Starring in the book are Psylocke, Rachel Summers, Storm, Kitty Pryde, Rogue and the return of Jubilee.

Jubilee’s a mom now, that is to say she’s the adopted mother to an orphaned baby. She’s on here way back to the Jean Grey School for Higher Learning with the tyke when she realizes she’s being followed and calls home for help.

This book has all of the elements of great comics, X-Men or otherwise. An orphaned baby with powers that may hold the secret to mankind’s survival, the best train scene we’ve seen since Skyfall, and a billion year old mystery to be solved with Caselli and his sister, Arkea Prime.

Oh, and there’s a Doop cameo.

So far Bendis has done Uncanny and All-New X-Men right, and here comes along Brian Wood to add to the modern mythos. This is for certain the book people will be talking about most this week.


CHEW #34
WRITER: John Layman
ART: Rob Guillory
Publication Date: May 29, 2013
Price: $2.99
Publisher: Image Comics
UPC: 70985300808803411
Buy it HERE

This cover ships with three covers!

No, no no, silly, not three variant covers available from exclusive retailer, three covers on your book, with the cut along the lines marks so that you, the comic collector can play the interchangeable face game with the covers.

ComiXology customers will have to use their imagination on this gimmick cover that is the direct opposite of your comic shipping in a bag, it’s asking, nay, begging for you to take scissors to your cover!

Do you have the guts...or another $2.99 to spend? Layman and Guillory continue to have fun with this detective book from the lettering to the cover concepts and sneaky inside jokes. This issue has Olive donning a Mike Norton Battlepug shirt.

We’re 4/5ths of the way through the Bad Apples storyline, wherein our hero Tony Chu is hunting down the Vampire Cibopath. His hunt leads him to Eastern Europe, an undisclosed location that could be Transylvania.

This issue serves us up a plate of new food-related powers including one guy that can string guitars with pasta noodles. Admittedly, not a very useful power but he looks like Slash so that’s cool. Senator David Eccles is a Bromaformutare—meaning his head transforms into the last thing he ate. On his campaign trail, he first looks like Mayor McCheese but takes a bite out of an apple pie before his speech is over. That is one way to get votes in the Chew-verse. Also, this can get you in trouble if you are literally what you eat in the Chew-verse where chicken is illegal.

This book is consistently great and surprising, and the schedule ships toward the end of each month. Just as I’m getting full from a month’s worth of comics, I always find room for Chew!


EARTH 2 ANNUAL #1
WRITER: James Robinson
ART: Cafu / Julius Gopez / Cam Smith
Publication Date: May 29, 2013
Price: $4.99
Publisher: DC Comics
Buy it HERE

It all seemed right. I mean, I’m not buying issues of Earth 2 regularly, but I’m hip to the concept.

Earth 2 is the closest we’ll get to Elseworlds in the New 52 so you an imagine how I nearly made a boom tube when the solicits were shoving a new Batman my way. I’d already bought the action figure in my mind because the design was equal parts Batman Beyond, Flashpoint Thomas Wayne Batman and Alex Ross Kingdom Come Batman.

Spoiler warning - if you desperately want to know the identity of the Earth 2 Batman, you won’t find him here. Batman stays on the sidelines as we watch the origin of Captain Atom and briefly see some action with Kirby Fourth World creations Mister Miracle and Big Barda.

James Robinson is a great writer, and the art by Cafu (T.H.U.N.D.E.R. Agents) is amazing. Sure, not everyone buys these Annuals, but I feel completely duped by DC Editorial promising something (for a hefty $5, noless) and not delivering.

I’ve no gripe with the Captain Atom origin or the Barda, Scott Free and Hawkgirl cameos but I bought this book under false pretenses. Marketing led me to believe an alternate version of the Dark Knight would be revealed. He was there and he fought a bit, but we are no closer to knowing the man behind the mask. This was a miscalculation, I can’t imagine I’m the only one feeling this way. I don’t care about the Earth 2 continuity a year after it’s launch but thought this might lead me in.

No way am I enthusiastic about getting the next issue to have the same bait and switch happen. This was a $5 trick you played on me, DC. I’m not happy.











GEEK SALE OF THE DAY: Amazon Has Downloadable Rocktar Games For the PC/MAC For Crazy Cheap Today

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I've started to get into computer gaming ever since I snagged TellTale's Poker Night at the Inventory (a poker game that uses various stars of other games and cartoons) and now I'm seriously stoked that some of my favorite Rockstar console games like Bully, the various Grand Theft Auto editions, Max Payne and LA Noir are at ridiculous prices for download.

We're talking like $3-$10.

So yeah, I'm using grocery money to download them all....HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (Done in kind of a villainous laugh)

It's for today only so if you want them, click HERE.

I can't wait to live off of stolen ketchup packets from Wendy's this week.

 (note: I don't work for Rockstar or Amazon, I'm just seriously excited that I have yet more reasons to avoid exercising, going outside or interacting with people)

Source: Geeks are Sexy

Symbolism and Bilology of THE DALEKS

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Within the first three stories of a TV series, the tone and overall scope of the series is standardized.

Also, the primary (or secondary) recurring adversary will make its appearance by the second story.

On Buffy the Vampire Slayer, we were introduced to magic and witches, which rose to prominence slowly over time.  On Ultraman, the alien Baltan was introduced.

And on Doctor Who, he first encountered the Daleks. 


Of all the monsters and foes, the Doctor has been defined in part by his enemies.  The Joker to his Batman (who was introduced along with Catwoman in the second appearance of the character).  They are a menace that, despite their simplistic appearance, have frightened children for decades. 

How did a pepper pot with a toilet bowl plunger and egg whisk for arms manage to do that?

For this, I basically went through what are considered the best Dalek stories, among them: Power of the Daleks, Genesis of the Daleks, Dalek and Bad Wolf/The Parting of the Ways. 

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NATURE/SCIENCE GEEK: How to Get Ants to Carry Small Signs (Hint: It's Kinda Gross)

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E.O. Wilson (a biologist/naturalist who specializes in the study of ants) has always been a bit of a guru to me and if I had paid better attention in high school bio, math and science instead of ditching school to watch 20 channels of basic cable, there's a good chance I would be in the jungle right now study various insects instead of spending a copious amount of time on Youtube.

But no, I had to watch Zalman King movies...god, I hate myself.

But back to the post.

Destin from SmarterEveryDay (a Youtube channel dedicated to making people learn stuff other than gossip) has a video out about how he and a group of other smart people managed to make ants carry a small sign advertising the show using nothing more than paper, ink and pee...yeah, I said pee.

Which got me thinking, how cool would it be to try and do this in my backyard and filming it? But then I thought that the neighbors already hate me and having to watch me cop a squat on a piece of paper in my backyard in full view of their living room probably wasn't going to endear me to them (although it would be pretty funny to see their expression when they started yelling "What are you doing?" and me answering back "I'm trying to get ants to carry miniature peace signs by peeing on the paper first.").

If you are inclined to follow my lead, watch the video and then starting going through the other SmarterEveryDay videos.

Science is fun!

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We Don't Need Entertainment Centres, Just Give Us Games

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After a rather pointless reveal last week, Microsoft announced their new next-gen console; Xbox One.

First of all, I'm sure you can all agree that this is a completely dumb name.

Second, practically nothing was revealed and we may as well have been kept in the dark until E3 in a couple of weeks.

Much like the WiiU and no doubt the PS4, there seems be an obsession with adapting games consoles into so called "entertainment centres" or "all in one" experiences. This new trend might seem positive but is it really what consumers want? Sure, it's great that I can access Netflix and connect my Last.fm account to my Xbox but first and foremost, I boot up my Xbox to play games. 

Years ago, Peter Molyneux was vying for living room dominance, "input 1" he called it. The dream that your games console was first thing you turned on in your living room and enabled you to perform all tasks through it, however I find this detrimental.


Look at it... all weird and boxy

Take mobile phones for example, you might be able to use it to browse the Internet or take photos but the Internet connection can't possibly compare to your desktop computer or laptop and despite the fact more photos are taken on iPhones than any other medium, the quality of those images will never be as good as a proper dslr camera because of the lens quality. Ask any photographer or film maker and they'll all agree. When something is made for a sole purpose, it will more than likely perform it's function with more efficiency.  

If I want to watch a film, I'll use my Blu-ray player because it was created for that very purpose. I don't think, let's use my gaming console because it's better as a platform for gaming than it is for watching films. If everything becomes connected and your "entertainment centre" fails or breaks, everything breaks. 

I feel as though I'm being disregarded as a gamer. Microsoft, Sony and Nintendo are so desperate to encompass all forms of entertainment, they're forgetting their original purpose.


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SUBWAY BALLET: A New York Times Short Documentary About Dancers Who Perform On the Subway (Video)

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I'm a Managing Editor for a successful website which means that the amount of money I rake in provides me with the kind of lifestyle that one can only dream about (A Netflix monthly stream subscription, cases of generic soda and yes, enough Crystal Light to flavor my water for an entire week- I like the Mojito flavor the best).

So paying for a bit of culture isn't that far out of my grasp (if by paying you mean sneaking into movies then yes, I "pay" for culture).

But there's something beautiful about being in a crowded tube underground and never making eye contact with another human being that makes the following Op-Doc by Joshua Z. Weinstein about subway pole/ballet/hip-hop dancers so interesting. These dancers sort of force people to interact with them and therefore with the other commuters as well, creating a kind of "Experience" that remind us that we are in fact social creatures.

And yeah, if they happen to be in the same car with me the next time I'm in NYC, then I'll happily give them a wad of cash...well, probably a roll of nickels is more like it, but it's still a wad right?

I'm kind of like a hundredaire.

Video after the break.

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