View From The Brig(gs): EPISODE I

January 29, 2013, 2:00 pm

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As a grizzled old geezer on a desert planet once jauntily greeted: "Well, hello there!"

So, here we are all bright and shiny in 2013, full of pep and industrious resolutions for the New Year. And you've accidentally clicked on this link.  Made your first big mistake there, di'n't cha?

I was amused, flattered, and not a bit taken aback when the illustrious editors of "Forces Of Geek" asked me if I'd like to fire up iA Writer bi-weekly on my Macbook (maybe even more regularly, if you're especially unlucky) and serve as a guest columnist reviewer on this site. "Well: can I plug the movie I'm working on at any given time?" I queried, seeing an angle. They assured me I could.  Well, alrighty. Here I am.

If you're a regular to this site, you may have likely read my (ridiculously long, I realized afterwards) "Tops Of 2012" piece that FOG! asked all we columnists to submit, so hopefully you'll have gleaned a little about what's thrilled me this past year in terms of movies and other geekery. Having scratched your heads at why "Dark Knight Rises"; "Prometheus"; "John Carter"; "Skyfall"; and others don't appear in my lists, you may also be wondering what makes me tick, and what the hell you're letting yourself in for if you can be bothered clicking on me.

Yes, that cigar-chomping benevolent demon-guy

For those of you who don't know, I'm what's euphemistically termed "A Working Screenwriter". Unlike those of you out there who're industriously trying to crack what we call in more polite moments "The Business", I've earned a fairly decent living for 20 years being paid by studios to churn out material…which then mostly gets shoved into the bowels of Development Hell and forgotten about, regularly fueling we authors with postal sniper-tower revenge fantasies. (For myself, I was co-credited with a Mexican bloke who came in after me, as a hired writer on a 2004 Sony-Columbia movie about a cigar-chomping benevolent demon-guy; although my first spec screenplay sale was to 20th Century Fox, and featured the words "Alien" and "Predator" in the title. Purveyors of "How To" screenwriting books would have you believe this latter effort was better than the two filmed efforts you may have once been forced to sit through. Whatever. It was a long time ago.)

We'll natter about that glitzy, tawdry showbiz stuff some other time. Right now, it's about the editorial.


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This is SAMSARA

January 29, 2013, 6:32 pm

≫ Next: BEING HUMAN: "The Teens They Are a Changin" S3E3 (review)

≪ Previous: View From The Brig(gs): EPISODE I

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It’s hard to explain to the uninitiated just what a film like “Samsara” is all about.  One could say it’s a nature documentary but that’s not entirely accurate and most potential viewers would immediately tune out.  Tell folks it’s is a non-linear audiovisual meditation and you’re more likely to be met with blank, cross-eyed stares.

Suggest it’s a mind-tripping “head” film and people will assume you’re on dope.

What’s it all about? Absolutely nothing—and everything.

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BEING HUMAN: "The Teens They Are a Changin" S3E3 (review)

January 29, 2013, 6:25 pm

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By Julie Browning

Looks like all of us, including Josh (Sam Huntington), were worried for nothing, as we open this week with Nora (Kristen Hager) and Liam (Xander Berkeley) enjoying a lovely cup of Joe. After last week's episode ended with a trail of blood leading from the decimated storage locker door, Nora's safety was the cliffhanger du jour.  Turns out that chewing his way through the door was murder on Liam's gums, hence the blood.

His motives seem fatherly, as he tries to convince Nora that all he wants is to find Brynn (Tracy Spiridakos); but one has to wonder if he will do the same thing to Josh when he gets his paws on him.

When Nora returns home, of course everyone is relieved. Josh seems to be the only one without a major issue this week, as Sally (Meaghan Rath) and Aidan (Sam Witwer) have some unfinished business to take care of with their unfortunate "victims." Sally is so guilt-ridden that she has killed Trent (John Bregar) that she is eating her way through the entire stash of food in the house.

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THE COMIC LIST: Releases For 1/30/13

January 29, 2013, 5:00 pm

≫ Next: WITNESS THE POWER OF THE BEATBOX GOAT...'Cause I'm Pretty Sure This Is A Portent For Something

≪ Previous: BEING HUMAN: "The Teens They Are a Changin" S3E3 (review)

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After the jump check out a list of which which comics, graphic novels, toys and other pop-culture merchandise will arrive at your local comic shop via Diamond Comics Distributors.   Please check with your retailer for availability.

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WITNESS THE POWER OF THE BEATBOX GOAT...'Cause I'm Pretty Sure This Is A Portent For Something

January 29, 2013, 5:00 pm

≫ Next: Win FEMME FATALES: THE COMPLETE FIRST SEASON on DVD!

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Look, I'm not going to tell you that this post of a beatboxing goat isn't stupid, çause it is. But at least it's going to kill some time for you while you are either avoiding work or standing in a line somewhere. 

And really, isn't that what you want? A video of a goat beatboxing when you're bored?

You're welcome America.

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Win FEMME FATALES: THE COMPLETE FIRST SEASON on DVD!

January 29, 2013, 7:00 pm

≫ Next: SPREAD AROUND YOUR MAN SCENT: Handmade Soap For Manly Men

≪ Previous: WITNESS THE POWER OF THE BEATBOX GOAT...'Cause I'm Pretty Sure This Is A Portent For Something

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Looks can kill in season one of Femme Fatales, the hit Cinemax® anthology series about powerful, sexy and dangerous women inspired by and styled in the tradition of pulp stories, film noir and graphic novels.

This week, Season One finally arrived on DVD along with over two hours of never-before-seen bonus materials, courtesy of Entertainment One.

The half-hour program from creators Mark A. Altman (“Castle”, “Necessary Roughness”) and Steve Kriozere (“NCIS”, “Castle”) features stories inspired by such noir classics as Double Indemnity and Pulp Fiction and classic thriller TV series like The Twilight Zone.

 In each stand-alone episode, women find extraordinary ways of coping with their problems, channeling their survival instincts and bringing out their inner guile.

Every episode is introduced by a mysterious and enigmatic host Lilith, played by Tanit Phoenix (Death Race 2, Lost Boys 3), and features different casts and storylines, some of which are intertwined as part of the series overall mythology.


Episodes include “Behind Locked Doors (Part 1&2)” in which Hollywood starlet Lacey Rivers (Kit Wileese) finds herself in the big house and is forced to use her acting skills to survive; a gorgeous, hard-working nurse discovers her inner strength during a hostage situation in “Bad Medicine”; “Til’ Death Do Us Part”, finds Rachel (Jordan Madley) waking up to a dead male stripper six hours before her wedding and “Speed Date”, which crosses After Hours and La Femme Nikita in an entertaining mashup featuring Isaiah Mustafa (The Old Spice Guy, Horrible Bosses) and Reggie Hayes (TV’s “Girlfriends”).

Other stars stopping in after hours include legendary Oscar-nominated director Paul Mazursky, Adam Goldberg (Saving Private Ryan, “Entourage”), Richard Kind (Argo, “Curb Your Enthusiasm”), Robert Lasardo (“Nip/Tuck,” Death Race), Charlie O’Connell (“Crossing Jordan”), Dean Haglund (“The X-Files,” “The Lone Gunmen”) and many more!


And thanks to the kind folks at Entertainment One, we're giving away five copies and a very special grand prize!

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SPREAD AROUND YOUR MAN SCENT: Handmade Soap For Manly Men

January 30, 2013, 9:00 am

≫ Next: Smallville: Random, Awesome and WTF?! - S10E9: Patriot

≪ Previous: Win FEMME FATALES: THE COMPLETE FIRST SEASON on DVD!

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Thanks to Bath & Body Works every bathroom is now fully stocked with various soaps specifically created to smell like a funeral home. But if you're a dude trying to wash up after dropping a solid deuce, the last thing you want your boob/nut honkers to smell like is grandma's toilet water.

Enter ManHands, a company that prides itself on creating "Manly" scents that will not only wash off the fecal matter from your digits, it will also smell like: Beer, Cash, Baseball Glove and yes, even Urinal Mint if you're into that sort of thing.
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Smallville: Random, Awesome and WTF?! - S10E9: Patriot

January 30, 2013, 10:00 am

≫ Next: WITNESS THE EPIC POWER of the Keytar...Dude, It's So Boss

≪ Previous: SPREAD AROUND YOUR MAN SCENT: Handmade Soap For Manly Men

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Ollie decides he’ll go ahead and register with the Vigilante Registration Act to show he has nothing to hide.  That goes about as well as anyone with half a brain would expect, which is to say not at all.  Luckily Aquaman (Alan Ritchson) and Mera (Elena Satine) are on the case.

And look at who’s behind Ollie (Justin Hartley)’s incarceration…Slade Wilson (Michael Hogan) .  Oh, yes.  Deathstroke is in the house.

The Random:
1. Aquaman and Mera blow up an enemy facility and then hook up on the beach as it explodes.  If I had a nickel for every time my wife and I have done that.  But, damn, they’re a good looking couple.

2. Clark (Tom Welling) and Ollie really get to the heart of the conflict over the Vigilante Registration Act, both making arguments for why they should or shouldn’t be involved, even as they both know it’s likely something shadier than they’ve been saying.

3. Given all the stupid people we’ve seen during the series, it’s clear that there’s too much funding going to the military for secret underwater bases and not enough for basic education. 

This totally happened on like our third date.

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WITNESS THE EPIC POWER of the Keytar...Dude, It's So Boss

January 30, 2013, 11:00 am

≫ Next: Ron Jeremy (and His Penis) Are in Critical Condition

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When you think of world famous keytarists, your mind should automatically conjure up: Jean Michel André Jarre, Donald Fagan of Steely Dan, Paul John Jones of Led Zeppelin , Weird Al and, of course, Prince (you do often think of keytarists right? I mean, this entire post is based upon your love of the keytar and those that play it).

But the following video contains none of those talented musicians, what it does contain is one Michael Thomas Spears, who is apparently the greatest keytarist to have ever slid his fingers over a bunch of keys (and who I can't find anything on, but then again, I didn't really look).

I can't promise that Mr. Spears' playing will change your life, but you will be delighted by the visuals. 

And then you'll probably go about your day like nothing happened.

Enjoy.
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Ron Jeremy (and His Penis) Are in Critical Condition

January 30, 2013, 12:03 pm

≫ Next: Stop Pretending That You’re Above a Good Fake Dead Girlfriend Gossip Story

≪ Previous: WITNESS THE EPIC POWER of the Keytar...Dude, It's So Boss

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TMZ reports that well endowed porn star Ron Jeremy is in critical condition and is being treated for an aneurysm near his heart.  He is currently being prepped for surgery.

Jeremy has appeared in over 2,000 X-rated movies including 21 Hump Street, Adventures of Buttgirl and Wonderwench, Against All Bods, All I Want For Christmas is a Gang Bang, Ally McFeal,Anal Princess Diaries 2, Best Little Whorehouse In Beverly Hills, Black Knockers 33, Booty Bang 9, Broadway Fanny Rose, Cheeks and Thong's Up In Stroke, Coming In America, Dawg: The Booty Hunter, Dick-tation, Drivin' Miss Daisy Crazy Again, Flintbones, For Your Thighs Only, Good Morning Saigon, Halloweenie, I Know Who You Did Last Summer, I'll Have Another Butt Light, Mutiny On The Booty, Natural Born Thrillers, Not Another Low Budget Porn Movie,Party In The Rear, San Fernando Jones and the Temple of Poon, Sgt. Peckers Lonely Hearts Club Gang Bang, Super Hornio Brothers, Terms Of Endowment, What's A Nice Girl Like You Doing In An Anal Movie?, What's Butt Got To Do With It, What's The Lesbian Doing In My Pirate Movie and A Christmas Orgy.

Stop Pretending That You’re Above a Good Fake Dead Girlfriend Gossip Story

January 30, 2013, 1:00 pm

≫ Next: NETFLIX KNOWS WHAT YOU LIKE: The Embarrassing Truth About Your Netflix Instant Queue

≪ Previous: Ron Jeremy (and His Penis) Are in Critical Condition

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As the Manti Te'o controversy has been fiercely raging for the last several weeks, the reactions in the comments sections of online media outlets is pretty predictable: suddenly everyone is a hardcore PBS news junkie, outraged that CNN and USA Today isn’t talking about the problem of Gerrymandering in Jordan or Sequestration, as if those story are being pushed off the airwaves by Te’o’s fake girlfriend.


The T’eo story is not just entertaining for all of its bizarre twist and turns, but it is part of the American ethos on fairness. While our history tells a different story, our popular culture has long been obsessed with the idea that lying is wrong, that it is unfair if anyone benefits from cheating. That’s why the T’eo story is dominating the news — we don’t want this myth to be undone.

Te'o's faux pas is not that he made-up a girl friend or grossly exaggerated the relationship — who hasn’t done that at one point in their life? — but that he allegedly did it to help generate sympathy to raise his national profile, which among many things, would boost his chances of winning the Heisman Trophy.


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NETFLIX KNOWS WHAT YOU LIKE: The Embarrassing Truth About Your Netflix Instant Queue

January 30, 2013, 2:00 pm

≫ Next: View From The Brig(gs): PUNISHER, TALON, a Bit of PI & More!

≪ Previous: Stop Pretending That You’re Above a Good Fake Dead Girlfriend Gossip Story

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Netflix has changed my life more so than any one thing (screw love, sex and self-fulfillment, I was able to watch the 1986 teen love movie Fire with Fire starring Virginia Madsen and Craig Sheffer at 3am...yeah bitches!) and because of my desire to watch horrible movies, my recommendation list looks  a lot like a mental patient's wet dream.

And yes, sometimes I forget about my quest to keep these movies under wraps and boot up the old Netflix in front of friends, which will inevitably lead someone to scream out "You watched Season of the Witch? On purpose?"

Yeah, I did.

So if you're like me and live in fear that you will be unfairly judged by your Netflix choices, perhaps this video by UCB will ring true for you.

Although, if I end up with a list of recommended movies that fall under the heading: Films In Which Grandparents Are Electrocuted, I would hope that my friends would want to watch them with me.


Source: Laughing Squid

View From The Brig(gs): PUNISHER, TALON, a Bit of PI & More!

January 30, 2013, 2:57 pm

≫ Next: JUSTIFIED: "This Bird Has Flown" S4E4 (review)

≪ Previous: NETFLIX KNOWS WHAT YOU LIKE: The Embarrassing Truth About Your Netflix Instant Queue

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Hey, gang. Well, welcome to my first actual trawl through "What's Out There That I Think's Cool, That I Think You Should Be Consuming". This is basically what you'll be seeing in this column, with a few detours for minor rants. There's two weeks' worth of stuff here, so I apologize if there's a lot to get through. Hey, it's not like they're paying me by the word. (Hell, they're not paying me at all!)

MOVIES
On movie screens right now, there's a couple of things you should have seen (so, if you haven't, get out there now).

Tops for me is still "Life Of Pi", and "Lincoln". "Life Of Pi" was a colossal surprise to me. I'd managed to avoid watching a trailer, and (not having read the book, especially) had serious misgivings about the ability of Lee to sustain what I knew about the premise for the duration of the movie.

Boy, was I surprised. Whimsical and touching, the closest thing I can liken this to is "Cast Away", if Wilson maybe had teeth and they largely forgot about the island.  

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JUSTIFIED: "This Bird Has Flown" S4E4 (review)

January 30, 2013, 4:00 pm

≫ Next: ARROW: "Vertigo" S1E12 (review)

≪ Previous: View From The Brig(gs): PUNISHER, TALON, a Bit of PI & More!

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By Steve Ahlquist

Turns out that Reverend Billy (Joe Mazzello) died from the snake bite he suffered last episode, and his church is destroyed. Boyd (Walton Goggins)'s plan to ruin the Reverend's reputation worked better than he planned. Ellie May (Abby Miller), who formerly worked as a prostitute in Boyd's criminal enterprises, has lost her religion with Reverend Billy's death, and comes back to Boyd and Ava (Joelle Carter) looking for a job.

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ARROW: "Vertigo" S1E12 (review)

January 31, 2013, 8:00 am

≫ Next: Reviews of Films I Have Never Seen: WARM BODIES – Zany Zomedy Highlights Unalive Love

≪ Previous: JUSTIFIED: "This Bird Has Flown" S4E4 (review)

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By PJ Hruschak

Arrow meets The Count, gets a bit of Vertigo, recovers nicely

This is the very drug issue, er, I mean, episode of (The Green) Arrow. Last week's cliffhanger left the youngest Queen, Thea (Willa Holland), being brought in for driving while on drug. Now vigilante big brother is on a new mission, this time to track down the drug's supplier.

Seems all the episode starting workout sequences are gone now as this episode doesn't show even one idle flex of Ollie's pecks. Ollie also plays both sides of the millionaire vigilante pretty well this week.


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Reviews of Films I Have Never Seen: WARM BODIES – Zany Zomedy Highlights Unalive Love

January 31, 2013, 9:00 am

≫ Next: Smallville: Random, Awesome and WTF?! - S10E10: Luthor

≪ Previous: ARROW: "Vertigo" S1E12 (review)

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Is it true that all a witless zombie needs is the love of a good woman?

Director/writer Jonathan Levine tests this interesting question in a comedy based on the Isaac Marion novel based on the memoirs of Joe Biden’s wife.

It’s a puckish post-modern escape, examining how our feelings are moribund until the right person enters our lives, and then we cease eating human flesh and really rock.

Nicholas Hoult plays R the zombie. Life is a dull routine, shambling around, attacking the living, but nevertheless thinking wry, self-reflective thoughts.

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Smallville: Random, Awesome and WTF?! - S10E10: Luthor

January 31, 2013, 10:00 am

≫ Next: Win THE THIEVES, Korea's Highest Grossing Movie of All-Time, on Blu-ray!

≪ Previous: Reviews of Films I Have Never Seen: WARM BODIES – Zany Zomedy Highlights Unalive Love

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It’s alternate world madness as Clark Kent (Tom Welling)switches places with Clark… Luthor?  No, wait, that can’t be right.  Oh.  It is?  How about that?  It looks like Clark’s opposite number is here and he’s definitely not the hero we’ve come to love.

When will Clark learn not to play with Kryptonian artifacts that mysteriously just show up?

The Random:

1. CK wakes up in a new world, a half naked (or half clothed, for you pessimists) woman on either side of him.  You know, as far as alternate worlds go, this one’s starting out all right to me.

2. Tess (Cassidy Freeman) gets some props for teaching Lois (Erica Durance) a valuable lesson in answering her phone during an emergency by tracking her down on the street and calling some stranger’s cell phone to get through to her.

3. I like how CK calls out the alternate Lois on her seemingly mutant ability to misspell “simple words at an alarming rate.”  That’s something that’s carried over from the movies and into the comics and it’s been funny every time.

Now that’s how you wake up in style.

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Win THE THIEVES, Korea's Highest Grossing Movie of All-Time, on Blu-ray!

January 31, 2013, 11:00 am

≫ Next: Otaku Lounge Reviews SAKAMICHI NO APOLLON (Kids on the Slope)

≪ Previous: Smallville: Random, Awesome and WTF?! - S10E10: Luthor

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It's the score of their lives - if they can pull it off. Five thieves at the top of their game, and the crew is assembling for their biggest job yet.Popie's the muscle and brains, Pepsee's the safecracker. Yenicall climbs walls, Zampano is the strategy man, and Chewingum is the master of disguise. But this new score - it's hot. Maybe too hot. But who can resist the Tear of The Sun: a 318-carat diamond, worth 20 million dollars, and locked away in a casino. The vault is impenetrable, the location covered in cops, and everyone knows there's no honor among thieves -especially not the crew Macao Park, Popie's old partner, has forced their team to work with. As they gear up and stroll into the casino with a plan, skills, and a whole lot of nerve, they quickly learn that avoiding the cops may not be their toughest problem. What's Macao Park's real motive? Who will betray them all? And who will walk away with the diamond?

From Dong-hoo Choi, director of WOOCHI, THE BIG SWINDLE, AND TAZZA: THE HIGH ROLLERS, THE THIEVES is making Korean box office history. With a half-million tickets sold on the first day and over 10 million tickets sold in the first three weeks, THE THIEVES had the best opening day ever, and remains the highest-grossing movie in Korea to date.

And we're giving away three copies!


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Otaku Lounge Reviews SAKAMICHI NO APOLLON (Kids on the Slope)

January 31, 2013, 12:00 pm

≫ Next: THE AMERICANS: "Pilot" S1E1 (review)

≪ Previous: Win THE THIEVES, Korea's Highest Grossing Movie of All-Time, on Blu-ray!

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By Christy Gibbs

The quick lowdown: Summer, Kyushu, 1966. A first-year high school student moves from bustling Yokosuka to live with his aunt and uncle in the more rural Sasebo. Up until this point, Kaoru has been a model student whose social anxiety has kept him from making any meaningful relationships with others. He plays classical piano, but possibly only as a result of the pressures he feels from his home life.

His meeting with notorious bad boy and drummer Sentaro will change not only his outlook on life, but also the way he approaches music forever.



It felt inevitable that I should review this anime at some point – as a fan of Watanabe Shinichiro’s, who’s masterpiece Cowboy Bebop is still easily one of the best anime of all time, I was certainly getting excited about Sakamichi no Apollon months before it’s televised release date. To add to my euphoria, legendary composer Kanno Yoko was once again behind the soundtrack; with their superpowers combined, what could possibly go wrong?


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THE AMERICANS: "Pilot" S1E1 (review)

January 31, 2013, 1:00 pm

≫ Next: Symbolism and Biology of the GARTHIM From THE DARK CRYSTAL

≪ Previous: Otaku Lounge Reviews SAKAMICHI NO APOLLON (Kids on the Slope)

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by Morayo Sayles

FX gave big promises with it's pilot episode of it's new series, The Americans, and I am really hoping it doesn’t fail to deliver on them in the weeks to come. Starring Keri Russell andMatthew Rhys as Elizabeth and Phillip Jennings as the friendly neighborhood death-dealing Soviet spies you thought you lived next door to while growing up in the 80s when the Cold War was alive and thriving.

Except, unlike your neighbors who did not deserve to be the subject of your paranoid delusions, Elizabeth and Phillip Jennings are, in fact, the real McCoy.

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