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FLASHBACK TO THE PRESENT To Eternia's Other Sword Weilding Hero

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Welcome to the thirteenth installment of Flashback to the Present.  I’ll be your contributing writer, Charles Knauf. 

About five years ago, I was on my way back to my hotel after judging the Ball Eating Contest at the Clinton, Montana’s annual Testicle Festival when some thugs decided to attack me; apparently they were mad because I awarded the trophy to one of their ex-wives.


Unfortunately, I was cornered between a giant, inflatable ball sack and a mural of “Testie the Testicle:” there was no escape.

What was I to do?  All I had were my mitts and a $25 gift card for The Cracker Barrel given to me for judging.  They were three strong, hopped up on booze and carrying planks with nails on ‘em.  I was pretty much boned.

… At the Testicle Festival.

… Behind a colossal, inflatable ball sack.

… In Clinton, Montana.

It would be a pretty spectacular place to get killed, except I was finally able to afford ordering from the “Fancy Fixin’s” menu with my gift certificate and I loved me some Haddock.

That’s when an angel swooped in.

Her name?  Lindsay.

Her game?  Beating up dudes carrying planks with nails in ‘em.

Even as I write this, I have a hard time describing how this woman dispatched these thugs with extreme prejudice.  In short - it was over faster than they could say “Jesus, lady; stop punching my crotch!”

After the dust settled, I asked Lindsay where she learned all of her sweet moves.

Her answer?

She-Ra: Princess of Power.


So, in honor of the person who saved my Cracker Barrel dining experience (the white fish was a little over-cooked by the way), I’m going to explore the world of She-Ra.

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MUSIC VIDEO MONDAY: Ella Fitzgerald Covers Cream's 'Sunshine of Your Love' In All Its Swinging Grooviness

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Cream's 1967 hit Sunshine of Your Love has been covered countless times over the decades (most notably by Jimi Hendrix, Living Colour and Elvis Costello and The Police) but no one has ever given it a more swinging style than the Queen of Jazz herself, Ella Fitgerald.

In 1969, after years of bringing a level of awesomeness to Jazz fans, Fitzgerald turned her honey voice to some contemporary hits (think Hey Jude) giving them a certain scat-tastic buoyancy that feels great when drinking a glass of whiskey while a bunch of candles are burning in a darkened room (well, there's a peek into my private time).

I don't know, there's something amazingly beautiful about someone as formidable as Lady Ella singing: I'm with you my love/The light's shinin' through on you/Yes, I'm with you my love/It's the morning and just we two/I'll stay with you darling now/I'll stay with you till my seeds are all dried up.

Her live performance at Montreux after the break.

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Win THE ATTORNEY on DVD!

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This story is based on true events. SONG Woo-seok has no clients, connections, or a college degree, but his eye for business and appetite for money make him the most successful lawyer in town. But at the peak of his success, a local teenager is falsely accused of a crime, then beaten and tortured while waiting in jail. Shocked by these conditions, SONG takes the case no one else will, and changes the course of his life.
And we're giving away three copies!

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Hover It, Cover It or Smother It With Your Butt? Toilet Questions to Contemplate During Con Season

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After over a decade of being the diligent summer con-goer, I have decided to hang up my nerd tees and simply stay home during this year's season of geek festivities. And no, it's not due to my getting older and therefore too tired to deal with the masses as it is having to deal with the horror show of the bathrooms and the lack of some place to sit that is not the floor (it's getting more difficult to get back up once I'm that far down nowadays).

But let's forget about my old woman-itis for a second and talk about the bathrooms. I don't know what you girls are doing to yourselves in those stalls, but I have seen more urine spread over every inch of bathroom (and I'm not talking about the inside of the toilet either) than I have ever had to deal with in the dude's pee-pee room (and this is coming from a woman who shared one bathroom with three guys during a good chunk of the 90s and none of us was sober...like, ever).

From toilet seats sprinkled with piss and menstrual blood, scraps of toilet paper littering the floor, soaked in pee and god knows what else, to actual shoe treads left in the grime from the floors of cons caking the seat upon which my ass will be sitting upon, I have seen it all. And frankly, it's time for you ladies to get a serious dose of reality about public toilets as I do not wish for the next generation of con-revelers to have to deal with you grossness (which is high I might add).

So check out this AsapSCIENCE video on public toilets and take it to heart. 'Cause if I ever have to sit down in your piss again, someone is going to die.

Video after the break.

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FIGHT! Felted Wrestlers Kick Each Other's A$$ In This Beautifully Hilarious Stop-Motion Animation

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In this well-crafted and beautifully done stop-motion animation by Emma De Swaef & Marc James Roels, two felted wrestlers get all up in each other's business in a way that is truly special.

The 41-second short (is it really only that long?) was chosen to be the trailer for the 2013 National Animation Festival in Bruz, France which makes kind of a perverted sense, after-all, the animations will be in competition with one another.

Let's just hope that by the end of the festival, the winners and losers will all end up doing what these two little wrestlers do.

Video after the break.

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100 WAYS TO ATTACK THE GROIN

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I'd like to say that I'm posting this video out of some duty to help people fight back when they are being victimized by an asshole in a dark alley, but really, I'm just in the mood to see a couple of guys getting hit in the nuts.

Yeah, it's been that kind of day.

Video after the break.

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Sequart Releases its First Book on Manga

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Sequart Organization is proud to announce the release of When Manga Came to America:
Super-Hero Revisionism in Mai, the Psychic Girl
, by Julian Darius


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The Toy Photographers of Instagram

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Anyone who knows me knows that I love me some action figures…Actually anyone that knows me has to endure how much I love action figures and toys. If they are connected to any of my social media or at the reach of my phone and text messages they have to endure postings or pictures about toys coming out on the market, toys from my childhood, cartoons from my childhood that had good toys, cartoons from my childhood that had bad toys.

Toys from before my childhood, toys that never came out, toys that should come, toys that didn’t come out but someone I know made customs of, toys from other countries, bootlegs of toys, kickstarters for toys, club and internet exclusive toys…

 Need I say more?

This is what the poor people in my life have to endure…

But… I learned something from Instagram these last few months.

Truly, I am not alone. Sure Instagram is all about food, yes? That’s what the interweb tells us. “Oh, yes, Instagram, that’s where people post pictures of food.” That is not untrue, often I find myself getting hungry scrolling through my newsfeed. It’s also a place for selfies.

Oh yes… the selfie.

I’ve been guilty of more than a few. I’ve also been guilty of posing a couple of my action figures like they are taking a selfie (Han and Luke from the end of Star Wars when they are celebrating blowing up the Death Star. Hey, it was a good reason to post a celebratory selfie for the Rebellion… I’m just saying)

Anyway, that brings me to a point I assure you.

Somewhere between foodies posting exotic dishes, vacation photos, action shots from GoPros or “models” posting their gym bodies, there exists another culture on Instagram.

One of which I am so glad I found. It is a culture that tells me I am not alone in my obsession of the perfect and sometimes not so perfect action figure.

I am also not alone in the joy I take on photographing said toys and action figures…

Ladies and gentleman, fellow geeks of the forces, there is a big wide world out there on Instagram of toy photography.  Super creative people making dioramas, scenes, custom toys, humorous cartoons; a ground swell of a culture. The toy photography culture of Instagram.

If you want to see some inspired, super creative worlds being imagined, built and displayed, then follow some of these users on Instagram. But don’t just take my word for it, log on, find these photographic toy fanatics and look through many of their other awesome images.


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Coming Soon Later to a Theater Near You

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Recent news that the Wachowski siblings’ sci-fi bender Jupiter Ascending has been pushed back from this July until next spring is a reminder that the timing of a major motion picture is always subject to change—even at the eleventh hour, after promotional posters have been released and after multiple theatrical trailers have played in cinemas.

Schedule shuffling seems to be happening more often lately, no doubt a symptom of the studio practice of calling dibs on a release date for a movie months or even years before its intended premiere.

As soon as we caught our first preview glimpses of the latest X-Men movie Days of Future Past, we learned the news that X-Men: Apocalypse would swiftly follow on May 27, 2016. Weeks before Captain America: The Winter Soldier opened this past April, Marvel announced the Cap 2 filmmakers would return for Cap 3, to be released May 6, 2016—on the same date the postponed Man of Steel not-really-a-sequel thingy is currently slated for, though this super-hero-sized chicken race will surely find its flincher before then.


I usually snicker when a studio stakes out a date for a movie that is barely in pre-production, sometimes before all the talent is locked in and oftentimes before a single scene has even been shot, because anything can happen on the set that could delay completion (like, say, the death or injury of a leading performer during production or, perhaps, the arrival of a monster storm that wipes out an expensive and elaborate set). Some movies require more time in post-production than others (just ask Martin Scorsese, who famously delayed The Age of Innocence a full year from 1992 to 1993 just so he could fine-tune the editing). Even after the movie is “in the can,” promotional and publicity challenges can arise and sometimes result in a postponement (like when a tragic news story cuts a little too close to the plot details of the latest would-be blockbuster—or vice versa).

As is the ostensible case with Jupiter Ascending, sometimes there’s simply a perceived glut in the marketplace and the studio repositions the movie in hopes it will perform better with less competition—especially since this one’s so expensive and daring…and original sci-fi is always a tough sell…and nothing the Wachowskis have made since 1999 has quite lived up to the “whoa” factor of The Matrix. 

 
We’ll all have to wait a little while longer to witness Channing Tatum with his pointy elf ears and Mila Kunis with her jagged “Shut up, Meg” voice save the universe Wachowski style.

In the meantime, here’s a brief history of major motion pictures that were famously postponed.

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Win THE LEGO MOVIE on Blu-ray! Everything is Awesome!

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The LEGO® Movie, the first-ever, full-length theatrical LEGO® adventure, directed by Phil Lord & Christopher Miller is an original 3D computer animated story that follows Emmet, an ordinary, rules-following, perfectly average LEGO minifigure who is mistakenly identified as the most extraordinary person and the key to saving the world. He is drafted into a fellowship of strangers on an epic quest to stop an evil tyrant, a journey for which Emmet is hopelessly and hilariously underprepared.

Chris Pratt (Moneyball) stars as the voice of Emmet. Will Ferrell (The Campaign) stars as the voice of his primary adversary, President Business, an erudite, anal-retentive CEO who has a hard time balancing world domination with micro-managing his own life; while Liam Neeson (Taken) voices the president's powerful henchman, known as Bad Cop, who will stop at nothing to catch Emmet.

Starring as Emmet's fellow travelers are Oscar® winner Morgan Freeman (Million Dollar Baby), as Vitruvius, an old mystic; Elizabeth Banks (The Hunger Games, Emmy nominee for 30 Rock), as tough-as-nails Lucy, who mistakes Emmet for the savior of the world and guides him on his quest; Will Arnett (Emmy nominee, 30 Rock), as the mysterious Batman, a LEGO minifigure with whom Lucy shares a history; Nick Offerman (NBC's Parks and Recreation) as a craggy, swaggering pirate, obsessed with revenge on President Business; and Alison Brie (Community) as a sweet, loveable member of the team, with a powerful secret.
And to celebrate today's release of The LEGO® Movie, we're sharing an amazing new app, the Everything is Awesome Blog App, which will allow you to create a mini 6 second LEGO GIF Video!  Plus, videos instantly get posted to YouTube for everybody to enjoy!



After the jump find out how you can win The LEGO® Movie on Blu-ray!

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Want to Own You Very Own Country? Well, Welcome To Sealand, The World's Smallest Nation!

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Whenever I sit through more than :30 of the political clusterfuck that make up the 24-hour news channels I often wish that I lived in an isolated country where idiots and morons were banned from ever entering it...by me. Of course, this is just a wonderful dream I like to dive into whenever I feel that the world is slowly chocking me to death with the real-life version of the movie Idiocracy. I mean, it's not like I can buy my own country right?

Wrong.

For just $906,000,000 anyone on the planet can buy the world's smallest nation of Sealand, a former WWII seafort called HM Fort Roughs (off the coast of Suffolk, England, United Kingdom).

Now, I know what you are thinking, "How can this be an actual country unto itself if it was once a British military fort?"

Well, here's how: No One was fucking using it anymore.

Yep, that's the reason.

In 1965 a band of Pirate Radio broadcasters seized the fort so they could play...I don't know, Frank Zappa albums or something, but in 1967, another Pirate Radio guy named Major Paddy Roy Bates, occupied the fort and booted the other Pirate Radio people off of it and then set up his very own nation called Sealand, complete with its own flag, constitution and other stuff....seriously, it's crazy and, well, just watch this short video on how it came to be and how you can buy it and general trivia (including the time some mercenaries tried to attack Sealand and were surprised to find out how difficult it actually was).


Now, if you don't have the cash to actually buy Sealand, don't fret, you can still be a nobleman/woman of the country simply by laying out some coin for a title. Which, let's face it, is all any of us really want to be anyway.

Besides, I'm sure CNN/MSNBC/FOX NEWS would enjoy hearing the Baroness/Baron of Sealand's views on Iraq or wherever...it's not like they fact-check or anything.

Boston Cinegeeks! We've Got Passes For BEGIN AGAIN With Mark Ruffalo and Keira Knightly!

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The latest film from writer-directr John Carney (ONCE), BEGIN AGAIN is a soul-stirring comedy about what happens when lost souls meet and make beautiful music together. Gretta (Keira Knightley) and her long-time boyfriend Dave (Adam Levine) are college sweethearts and songwriting partners who decamp for New York when he lands a deal with a major label. But the trappings of his new-found fame soon tempt Dave to stray, and a reeling, lovelorn Gretta is left on her own. Her world takes a turn for the better when Dan (Mark Ruffalo), a disgraced record-label exec, stumbles upon her performing on an East Village stage and is immediately captivated by her raw talent. From this chance encounter emerges an enchanting portrait of a mutually transformative collaboration, set to the soundtrack of a summer in New York City. BEGIN AGAIN is produced and financed by Exclusive Media and produced by Anthony Bregman, Tobin Armbrust and Judd Apatow.
For your chance to attend the advanced screening of BEGIN AGAIN on Tuesday, June 24 at AMC Boston Common at 7:00 PM, go to www.gofobo.com/RSVP and enter the code FFOGDU26.

For more details visit beginagainfilm.com


A HEARTBREAKING DOG MONOLOGUE (Of Staggering Genius)

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I always knew that whenever my dog was pissed off that I wouldn't just hand him the bag of dog treats to eat, this was what he was thinking.

Asshole.

Thrillbent launches James Tynion's HOUSE IN THE WALL This Friday (June 20)

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Following up on the launch of Empire Volume 2, Thrillbent has revealed the next original digital comic that will launch on the one-stop showcase for creator-owned digital comics -- James Tynion's House In The Wall. The book is co-written by Tynion and Noah J. Yuenkel with art by Eryk Donovan, colors by Fred C. Stressing, and letters by Troy Peteri. The first chapter launches on Thrillbent this Friday, June 20. Following that, the limited series will be serialized exclusively on Thrillbent twice-monthly thereafter.

The horror tale tells the story of Ariel Carpenter who has been sleep-walking through life for as long as she can remember. Nothing, not her boyfriend, her job or her friends... none of it seems to bring her any closer to reality. The only thing that seems solid, seems real, is a spectral house she visits every night in her dreams. But when she discovers a door to that impossible dream house in the wall of her run-down Brooklyn apartment, she’ll unlock an ancient horror that has the potential to destroy her life forever.

House In The Wall, along with all the other content on Thrillbent, is available with the $3.99 monthly subscription (also available through the website).


YOUR HUMP DAY TREAT: My OCD (Song)

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Since today is bordered by an equal number of days, before and after a weekend, I feel that it is only appropriate to celebrate the most perfectly positioned of weekdays with a little musical number about OCD.

No need to thank me, your constant hand-washing and sorting of socks is acknowledgement enough.

Video after the break.

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3rd Annual Halloween ComicFest Returns Saturday, October 25th

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Fans are encouraged to visit their local comic shop for free
comics and participate in Halloween activities, shopping and fun!
Diamond Comic Distributors announces a celebration of comics, comic shops, and pop-culture in October with the third annual Halloween ComicFest (HCF) event! Communities are encouraged to check out their local comic shop and get free comics while also participating in shop’s special Halloween events such as costume contests, sales, character appearances and more on Saturday, October 25th, 2014!

During Halloween ComicFest, adults and kids can go into a local participating comic shop and get free Halloween and horror themed comics and mini-comics published specifically for Halloween ComicFest. This year there are 19 titles available to choose from that are great for kids and adults with twelve full-sized comics and seven mini-comics. Titles for this year include: DC’s Scooby Doo Team-Up with Batman #1 , Marvel’s Secret Wars #1, Afterlife with Archie #1, My Little Pony, Hero Cats, Rachel Rising and other haunting and fun tales.

This year, retailers will also be selling HCF mini-comics in packs of 20 copies for fans to purchase and pass out on Halloween to trick-or-treaters, providing an entertaining story for kids that also lasts longer than candy. The mini-comic packs will be available to pre-order from the July PREVIEWS catalog found only at comic shops starting June 25th. Pre-ordering allows fans to order as many of the packs they want and ensures they will get them once they are available in early October.

“This year we want communities to participate in the Halloween ComicFest events at their local comic shop, which really is a great destination to get the latest comics and pop-culture items, meet new friends, and celebrate in Halloween fun,” said Halloween ComicFest Spokesperson, Jason Blanchard. “What makes this year unique for Halloween ComicFest are the HCF Mini Packs available for fans to purchase and use not only as a healthier alternative to candy on Halloween, but as an opportunity to pass on the fun of discovering and reading comics to the next generation.”

Designed to celebrate comic shops as unique community businesses, and reach new customers, Halloween ComicFest helps retailers and the entire industry springboard into the end of the year holiday selling season. Comic fans are encouraged to check out www.halloweencomicfest.com over the coming months for more information on the event and local retailer activities.

Halloween ComicFest Full and Mini Comic Description after the jump.

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First Look: New Twelfth Doctor Comic from Titan!

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DOCTOR WHO: THE TWELFTH DOCTOR #1
New Doctor! New Beginning! Offering shocks, surprises, and timestream-shaking revelations, don’t miss your chance to get on board this amazing ongoing series!


Eagle award-winning writer Robbie Morrison (Drowntown, The Authority, 2000AD, Nikolai Dante) and New York Times-bestselling artist Dave Taylor (Batman: Death by Design, 2000AD) dive headfirst into the TARDIS console room and spin the new Doctor off to his most challenging destination yet!

As with the Tenth and Eleventh Doctor ranges, Doctor Who: The Twelfth Doctor #1 comes with a beautiful regular cover painted by Alice X. Zhang, plus five other variants - including a "100% rebel Time Lord" photo cover and Mariano Laclaustra penned picture of Clara.

With the amazing storyline and fantastic interior art under lock and key at the time of going to press keep an eye on doctorwho.tv, titan-comics.com and the official BBC Doctor Who Facebook page for the official announcements!

Doctor Who: The Twelfth Doctor is available to pre-order from comic stores tomorrow and will hit retailers on October 1. Due to licensing restrictions, fans in the UK and Ireland can only purchase this comic digitally.

Titan Comics' new Tenth and Eleventh Doctor ranges will hit comic bookstores on July 23, and print or digital editions are available to pre-order now - for more information, visit titan-comics.com.


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Don't Drop The Soap: Isn't Prison Entertaining?

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Americans have a secret love affair with prison.

Despite the occasional shanking in the mess hall and rape in the shower, it’s the go to place for personal growth and camaraderie.

Obviously Orange is the New Black (ONB) has me thinking about this. And while I do greatly enjoy the show, it’s a bit disappointing just how much it hits all of the prison cliché.

But let’s first discuss the fact that we spend a lot of time thinking about prison even though most of us will never go to it, and if we know anyone who does go, it will be through six degrees of separation.

Simon Adebisi (Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje) from HBO's Oz

The sheer number of movies and TV shows about prisons shows we have a preoccupation with the chance of going to going to jail — and it’s that we’re going to because we’re wrongly accused (The Shawshank Redemption), do the right thing in the heat of the moment (Con Air), or just do something stupid and receive an unnecessary sentence (The Longest Yard, 1974).

So in other words, there are always degrees of innocence with protagonists who find themselves in prison. And that’s our concern — despite being law-abiding citizen, we could still find ourselves in jail, or, just get a really bad break with the judge.

And to be fair, our concern with wrongful imprisonment transcends American culture — look at a novel like The Count of Monte Cristo.

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The Cosmic Treadmill Looks at 'AFTERLIFE WITH ARCHIE: BOOK ONE' (review)

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Afterlife with Archie: Book One collects the first five issues of Archie’s first horror comic that oozes blood, terror and Archie family in-jokes that is sure to make you run from Riverdale.

Don’t run too far, because the art is by Francesco Francavilla and is written by screenwriter Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa (Glee, Big Love) who’s understanding of the Archie-verse allows him to turn this town on it’s head.

His most spectacular feat is making transforming Jughead into a monster of Freddy or Jason proportions.

Zombies. Halloween Dance. Teenage romance. ‘Don’t go in there’.

The most unsuspecting comics company took a turn for the morbid with this series.

With the announcement of a Sabrina the Teenage Witch series in the same bloody vein, it looks like the supermarket comic crowd is in for a terrifying surprise.

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