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DEATH WISH COFFEE Has So Much Caffeine That It Could Theoretically Bring Charles Bronson Back to Life

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Let's say you're a vigilante, slaying criminals left and right in the hopes of finding the very ones that raped and murdered your wife and who put your daughter in a catatonic state after her ordeal. With all that night time hunting, you're going to get a bit bleary-eyed, so what can you do to maintain your angry, tough-guy exterior?

Why not brew up a hot mug of Death Wish Coffee (formulated to have 200% more caffeine then a normal cup of joe) and jump start your heart and compulsion to kill.

These organically grown beans have been roasted for a deep, rich taste that will surely kill you by the end of the week (and I don't believe they make them in Keurig-cup sizes) but they will most likely get you through a long night of shooting random folks that appear "shifty".
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FOG! Chats With ARCHER's Lucky Yates and Amber Nash!!!

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Interview conducted by Lauren Berkley
If you’re like me, you love “Archer,” the animated adult show on FX about Sterling Archer, a black tactileneck-wearing womanizing secret agent with mommy issues and a love of Kenny Loggins, who works for ISIS, the agency run by his boozehound of a mother.

“Archer” would not be the envelope-pushing, politically incorrect show that it is without the help from the supporting characters -- a motley crew of ISIS employees whose hijinks and own psychological dysfunctions help, hinder, or enable Sterling Archer from episode to episode.

In light of the recent news that “Archer” was given the go-ahead for a fifth season, I sat down with my two favorite supporting cast members: Lucky Yates, who voices German mad scientist Dr. Algernop Krieger, and Amber Nash, the voice of Human Resources Representative Pam Poovey.

Over soda and trendy sandwiches, we gabbed about the show, why a bionic Helen Keller would be a bad idea, and why Night is the new Morning.

First things first: “Archer” just got the thumbs-up for a fifth season. How do you feel?

Amber Nash: I am super-excited to be working on “Archer” for Season 5. It truly is the best job in the world.

Lucky Yates: I feel fucking fantastic about it. The show keeps getting better and Krieger keeps getting weirder.

Now, here’s what I’m thrilled about: You guys are getting a line of toys and action figures! How excited are you? What can you tell us?

LY: I bet I’m more excited than Amber Nash.

AN: Yeah, yeah, you’re a bit more of a nerd.

LY: ‘Cause I’m a huge nerd, especially a toy nerd.

AN: I’m excited! I hope there’s a Pam and a Krieger.

LY: What I want is Krieger-Hologram Bride 2-pack that is like a Comic-Con exclusive.

AN: I hope that Pam has her back tattoo when you take her shirt off.

LY: I hope you can take Pam’s shirt off – or they’ll just be a Naked Pam!

AN: That’d be great!

LY: You know, in my geek world, there’s gonna be lines and lines of these things, but definitely Fight Club Pam should be a figure.

AN: That would sell more.

LY: There can be the Krieger’s Van Playset!

AN: That would be awesome!

LY: Vehicles, man! Archer’s El Camino!

AN: An ISIS dollhouse with the Laundromat in the bottom!

LY: Yup! And then you have to get in with the dryers and crank the elevator to the top.

Tell me about your new “Morning Show” at Dad’s Garage Theatre Company [in Atlanta].

Photo by Stacey Bode
AN: It’s so much fun!

LY: It’s the funnest and dumbest show ever. We host it. First, it’s at 10:30 at night, because neither of us are really morning people and we host it, you know, bubbly, and we talk about today’s topics and all the silly – we kind of do the morning show stuff, like where they do “Whose birthday is it today?” we have a band and the band sings. “Obituaries! Who died this week?” It’s generally Des Moines, Iowa, if we’re targeting anywhere.

AN: And then we have, like, a weather guy and we have makeovers...it’s a big, fun, stupid show.

LY: It’s like a fake talk show, even though we’re going to have real guests from time to time.

Lucky, if you could re-animate/cyborg anyone in history, who would it be and why?

LY: Anyone in history? That’s so huge…that’s so vast…

AN: I would say Helen Keller!

LY: Would you?! [beaming] And I would give her ears and eyes! [laughs] I will not say Helen Keller. She did just fine as a role model for who she was, so I’m not going to take all that way and just be, like, “Now, you’re just some lady!”



AN: You need somebody that didn’t get it done in their time -- that needs more time on Earth.

LY: Yeah, but who is that, you know? I’m not the biggest humanitarian going, so I’m not gonna go, like, “Well, I’m gonna do Mother Teresa; she’s gonna make it all better!” I would do something stupid like one of the awesome Vikings or something like that.

AN: Or the guy – what’s his name – from The Bee Gees that just died…

LY: One of the Gibbs! Live forever, B.G.! Live forever!

Amber, what is your favorite pastry?

AN: I actually don’t like bear claws; I know that’s terrible. I think my favorite pastry is probably… I like all kinds of pie, but I think if it were a pastry from, like, a pastry shop, it would probably have to be a Krispy Kreme doughnut, man, you can’t go wrong with that; they’re perfection..

What makes Pam so great in the sack?

AN: I think, you know, I’ve heard dudes say this, and it’s so terrible, but there might be some truth to it is that women who are a little heavier or less attractive have to try harder. So, like, if you date a girl who’s really hot, but she used to be kinda chubby, she might be better in the sack than a girl who’s been hot all of her life.

LY: Yeah! Yeah, that’s true, because they went nuts.

AN: So, I think Pam tries a little harder, and she doesn’t give a shit.


LY: That, I think, is the reason why. From a dude’s point of view, I would say it’s because she’s just got a “fuck it” attitude about everything and she’s no holds barred no matter what she does, right?

AN: Yeah, so she’s not afraid to try anything.

LY: I mean, she fights in an underground fight club, so a chick like that is gonna be amazing in bed.

I know you both have experience with “Frisky Dingo”, but how were you approached to do “Archer”?

AN: Well, I had worked on “Frisky Dingo” and then they had me come in to do something for a DVD extra, so I went into their tiny little house that was in East Atlanta, where you get locked in a closet to do voice work, and they were like, “Hey, we want you to look at this thing,” and it was me delivering a Val line, but it was coming out of Pam’s head.

I had never seen Pam before, and they were like, “What do you think of this character?” and I’m like, “She’s awesome, she’s great! What is it?” and they’re like, “We’re doing this show on FX called “Archer”, do you want to do it?” and I’m like, “Uhhhhhh…YEAH,” and so that’s how it all started.

LY: And mine was because they were finally going to make Krieger talk so they asked Amber, “Hey, we got this character who’s gonna talk…who do you think?” and she said, “What about Lucky?” and I had already worked with them and they were like, “Oh, yeah, of course!”…I guess. I don’t know if that’s what happened...

AN: That’s exactly what happened.

LY: So, there you go! Amber Nash got me the job.

How much like Ray, Krieger, and Pam are you both?

LY: That’s tough. I definitely like the weird and macabre like Krieger does.

AN: And weird science stuff!

LY: Yeah, I’m a huge science nerd, so the fact that he’s sort of a mad-slash-super scientist…I wouldn’t want to play any other character, because all of his stuff appeals to sort of my geek sensibilities, so I would say just in that, but you know, I don’t know if I could mangle bodies and get all that weird.

AN: (to Lucky) Every time I see Ray, I think that you should dye your hair blonde and dress like [author] Willie Sharp, and you’d be a ladykiller.

LY: You think so?! Would I?! Or would I be a dudekiller in Midtown [Atlanta]?

AN: Ray is one of my favorite characters.

LY: He’s one of my very favorite characters, too. He’s so confident and snarky. I would say I’m like Ray in my smart-ass comments to things, but I’m certainly not an impeccably-dressed gay man.

AN: But you’re starting to get into neckerchiefs.

LY: Yeah, I want to get into some ‘kerchiefs’ – like some ascots!

AN: Some cravats?

LY: Yeah, cravats!


AN: I think for me, I identify with Pam, because she really just says what the fuck she wants, and I wish I could do that more than I already do, but I do feel like a lot of times, I do say stuff without thinking and it’s horrible and oftentimes, disgusting. And Pam is kind of a guy’s gal and I feel like I’m that way, too. Yeah, Pam is fuckin’ awesome; I wish that I was more like Pam.

How much ad-libbing is on the show?

LY: So little. The scripts are so great already that there’s no real reason to. Like, you know, after you read the actual, as-written [script] a couple of times, then you can change a word or two here and there, but…

AN: [Creator] Adam [Reed] doesn’t mind; he’d love for us to do more improvising, but we just don’t need it.

LY: There’s just no reason for it. Adam Reed is a genius and I don’t know how he does it.

Who the heck is the person who researches all the often-obscure references in the scripts?!

LY: Adam is a really, really smart person.

AN: And he’s interested in all kinds of crazy stuff that most people don’t know anything about, but he did admit that he does a lot of Googling.

LY: Sometimes, he’ll write the thing and he’ll know that there’s a joke there and just figure out – you know, because it’s usually the “Who are you? Blankety-blank?” the characters go, like, “Who the hell is that?” and “He invented the braking system on elevators.” What the – how does he know that?!

What time period is “Archer” in exactly? I’ve read that stylistically, it’s like “Mad Men” meets “Jonny Quest” meets 1960s comic books.

LY: It’s an alternate history; there is no specific time period. There are certainly references to things that happened in the not-so-distant past. They’ve got cell phones and big box computer and tape decks; reel-to-reel-type shit. So, I think it’s stuff that Adam and Matt [Thompson, executive producer] like aesthetically and jam-balled into this universe, where it all exists.

AN: I guess one of the things I love about the show is that you have no idea what’s happening.

LY: Woodhouse fought in WWI. That’s impossible, you know, to also be existing in a time where there are cell phones. He would be so ancient. And he was a junkie! He’d never live that long! So, yeah, it’s just timeless.

Before January’s ‘Archer Across America Tour,’ had you actually ever even met most of your other vocal co-stars?

AN: I had. I would go to Comic-Con every year and other live events, like the Upfronts every year, and we did a couple things at the Paley Center, so I met everyone when we started promoting the second season, so I’ve known everybody for awhile.

LY: I met most of them once at the Eugene Mirman Comedy Festival in 2011. I met everybody but Judy [Greer, voice of Cheryl Tunt] there.

AN: And you know what the great thing is? I know people wouldn’t necessarily believe this, but everyone is so nice and when we did the tour, everyone gets along so well, and we have a really great chemistry, considering we don’t work together; it was really, really fun.

LY: Yup! And there’s not a single ego amongst them; they’re all super-chill. Cool…just nice, nice people. They’re so great; I love that cast.

How do you guys record your parts for the show?

AN: There’s a recording studio here that all the Atlanta voices record at and usually we do it in an afternoon and then I guess they get the records from the guys at LA and NY [voice studios] around the same time and it’s really fast. It’s so easy and quick to do. We’re usually there for 30 minutes to an hour, maximum.

LY: Yeah! You go in the booth alone, with your script, and just record line-by-line. At this point in the show, I think, we know how all the other cast members are delivering their things, generally and you know, you switch it up a little bit and Adam is a great director, too, so he’ll tell you if he wants you to take it in a certain direction or whatever. I’m always excited when they say, “We’re recording next week, here’s the script!” because then I get to read it, ‘cause the scripts are hilarious; they’re just as funny as the show.

AN: Or even jokes within the scripts that aren’t part of the show, like the way that some of the stage directions or directions for animation are written; they’re funny.

LY: They’re great. Yup, Adam Reed! I can’t kiss that guy’s ass enough!

Any future voice projects? Has this been a springboard?

AN: No, I really hoped it would be! [laughs]

LY: Me too!

AN: We audition a lot and nothing’s happened yet. Voice work is hard man; they’re listening to so many different people…

LY: It’s a crazy, competitive part of acting and so many TV and film people are just doing it as well, that it’s sort of, like, even shrunk opportunities for straight-up voice actors.

AN: Yeah, because they’re getting celebrities to do voices now…but hopefully, it will [bring new voice acting opportunities].

LY: We’ll see. I’m confident!

What are your dream roles, vocal or otherwise?

LY: What would I want to play?? More than Krieger?? Oh my God…

AN: I’d like to play Helen Keller…

LY: Bionic Helen Keller!

AN: …in a Lifetime Original Movie. No, I would love to do more on-camera work; I just haven’t done a lot of it and I would do anything. I would love to do any type of comedic work or be in a movie or on a television show; I’m not picky.

LY: I would love to have a TV kids’ show…that’s sort of my dream role. I don’t know if I’d be a host or a puppet, but…kids’ show guy, live kids’ show guy would be fun. That or just be in an episode of “The Venture Bros.”, because that’s my favorite show, other than “Archer.”

Tell me about your puppetry experience/history. How long have you been involved with it?

LY: Since ’96, maybe? I got a job at the Center [for Puppetry Arts in Atlanta]. And yeah, I had studied theater and all that kinda stuff, but then got a job in the box office at the Center and my first assignment was to go watch the show that was currently playing, so that I could sell tickets to the public to it, and when I watched the show, I was like, “Holy shit! You can do this for a living?!” because I’ve always had puppets in my life, but “Oh man! I want to do this!” And that was it; I really started getting into it.

How did you guys each get into voice work?

LY: I would say I got into commercial stuff by being a part of [now-defunct 96.1 FM’s] The Regular Guys’ Show, ‘cause I was on that show for a few years and then just started doing ads for the dudes at Clear Channel – which I still continue to do – so that was pretty much it for me.

AN: Mine’s not that different. I actually did stuff for Clear Channel also and Mike Schatz, who’s a guy from Dad’s [Garage Theatre Company], he’s an ad guy, and he does a lot of voiceover work with his agency, and so, he asked me to do some stuff. Mainly, the reason I got into it was people would call me and I would show up within 30 minutes and do something. It wasn’t because I was the best voice for it, it was because, “I need somebody right now!” and “Oh, ok, I’ll be there!” And then I got “Frisky Dingo,” because Christian Danley is an improviser at Dad’s and he was an animator for “Sealab 2021,” so when they started working on “Frisky Dingo”…well, the show was actually something completely different and they were auditioning for a teenage girl, so they had me come in, and I was totally wrong for it; no way I could play a teenage girl. So, then they went with somebody else, but then the show completely changed and then halfway into the season, they had me come in and read for Val and I stayed on as Val and did a bunch of other characters, so that was my big thing.

What do you guys “geek out” over?

LY: Star Wars and Batman are my 2 bigs; and “Venture Bros”…I guess I have 3 bigs.

AN: I geek out over Psychology [laughs]. I’ve got a subscription to “Psychology Today;” it’s my favorite magazine. But I also love “Game of Thrones.” That’s my favorite show on TV, and ‘The Walking Dead,” I’m into that.

Did you study Psychology?

AN: I did, yeah.

LY: Yeah, you have a degree in it. You have something useful that one day…

AN: I can use? [laughs]

LY: Yeah, that if shit ever fell apart, you could actually do something with that, as opposed to my completely useless Theatre degree, because this [makes circular gesture at himself] is all I know how to do and if one day, everybody stops liking what I do, I’m dead.

Acting is such a huge leap from that, Amber. How did you get involved with it?

AN: I actually was a counselor for troubled teenagers and I found Dad’s Garage as an audience member, and I was working in another company called Laughing Matters, and I started doing a sketch show at Dad’s called “Free Parking” – that’s how I met everyone at Dad’s – and then I started taking improv classes there, and then that was my hobby for a long, long time and then when I couldn’t handle being a counselor for troubled teens any longer, I decided to quit my job and take a leap and see if I could make it full-time as an actor and that was in 2005, so, it’s goin’ ok.

LY: That’s great! I haven’t had a real job since 1997…when I left the box office at the Center for Puppetry Arts! [laughs] That was my last real job!

What can we expect for the rest of the season?


AN: Pam gets some action, but I can’t say any more than that.

LY: Yup, Pam gets some action and Krieger just kind of chills at this point. Krieger’s had his big moments already this season, so at this point, we’re more back to the classic Krieger: “CUT TO: Do Something Stupid And You Never See Him Again,” which is awesome; I like that version, too.

Photo by Sebastian Daskawicz



Lucky Yates and Amber Nash also run the Twitter feeds for each of their respective characters! Interact with them @KriegerSignals and @pamsgossiptrain, why don’t ya??

SO, UH, BLOOD FACIALS Are All the Rage Now...Just Thought You Might Like to Know

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No, Sadly Kim Kardashian Did Not Get Punched In The Face  Repeatedly By Common Sense

You see that picture above of Kim Kardashian sporting a face full of blood splatter? Well, when I first saw it I thought that her body simply threw itself up for having to contain the soul of a human being that vapid, but after some research, I found out that it was part of a new facial treatment that will make you look younger by INJECTING YOUR BLOOD BACK INTO YOUR OLD-ASS FACE.

Yeah, that's right, a doctor who went to medical school will draw out some blood from your body, put it in a centrifuge to separate out the plasma and the platelets from your blood, and will then proceed to jam those plasma-platelets into your face so that you don't look like a naturally aging human being (oh, and some doctors will first puncture your face with micro needles before adding the plasma BECAUSE THEY ARE MONSTERS!).

And voila! You will be able to beat back time by sporting a noggin covered in scabs and puncture wounds.
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FROM DREDD TO DROID: Judge Dredd and RoboCop

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Back during the Reagan years there was a glut of violent action movies catering to folks who wanted less complicated heroes.  The Sixties and Seventies had been too confusing and upsetting; people wanted a return to the John Wayne era, when the Good Guys slaughtering the Bad Guys in an orgy of gunfire was considered wholesome family entertainment.

However, the new action heroes were not plain Everymen of the John Wayne or Gary Cooper stripe.  Instead they were insanely buff fitness freaks like Schwarzenegger (Commando, Conan) and Stallone (Cobra, Rambo), whose lavishly-tended physiques made them more like TV wrestlers than traditional movie stars.  As such, they were perfect symbols of the grotesque, steroid-enhanced egotism of the 1980s.

These films established all the tropes of the action genre which still persist today.  Obviously there are people who never get tired of this stuff.  But for others, the simplistic, even fascistic mentality of these movies was perfect fodder for satire.

One of the earliest such satires was the British comic-book Judge Dredd.


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HERE'S WHAT AN ANIMATED Calvin and Hobbes Cartoon Might Have Looked Like

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While I admire Bill Watterson's ability to walk away from a popular strip like Calvin and Hobbes before it slid into mediocrity, I am also very sad that there was never a cartoon or animated holiday special to tide me over whenever I needed a fix (Watterson is vehemently against the commercialization of C and H and will never allow his creations to become watered down versions of themselves although, he wouldn't mind a cartoon version to be made, if the right people were involved). 

Enter Adam Brown (Ugly Americans).

Brown took Watterson's drawings and animated them for a :27 piece of history that will hopefully stoke the fan fires enough to maybe get a Calvin and Hobbes animated short made in the near future.

Do I sense a Kickstarter campaign?

Let's hope so.
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JUSTIFIED: "Decoy" S4E11 (review)

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By Steve Ahlquist
One lesson that mobster Theo Tonin(Adam Arkin) should learn is that Harlan County is where his people tend to die. Then again, Tonin is desperate because Drew Thompson aka Sheriff Shelby (Jim Beaver), who can link him to a murder and put him away for good, is alive and in the hands of the Marshals, since Raylan (Timothy Olyphant) finally caught him last episode.

The only problem now is getting Drew out of Harlan County and into the hands of federal officials.
 
Boyd Crowder (Walton Goggins) and Ava (Joelle Carter) should have run, but they decided to stick it out and try to court Theo Tonin's favor, even though they failed to deliver Drew as promised. Mr. Augustine (Mike O'Malley), Tonin's right hand man, punches a tooth out of Boyd before finally deciding to let Boyd help locate Drew.



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TAKE THE MINUS IQ PILL: Because the World’s A Much Brighter Place When You’re Not Too Bright For It

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If you have ever stared open-mouthed at the television when US Representative from Minnesota's 6th District, Michelle Bachman takes to the stage and says things like: "Carbon Dioxide is portrayed as harmful. But there isn't even one study that can be produced that shows that carbon dioxide is a harmful gas" then perhaps the MinusIQ pill could help you regain the strength to live.

MinusIQ is a pill that will lower your mental capacity in such a way that you will find yourself enjoying such things as Dancing With the Stars, Oprah's Book Club, The Today Show and yes, Extreme Couponing, giving you a life that is small, ignorant and satisfactory in ways that you can't imagine.

And you want to be happy right?

Just imagine it, a world where introspection, heated political discussions between friends and even books are long forgotten, replaced instead by things like prejudice, McDonalds value meals and pilgrimages to Wal-Mart.

Why it's going to be so serene for you.

If you're tired of being the only one around you who has common sense and decency, then watch the following advertisement, if you don't know what I'm talking about, feel free to watch another episode of Two and A Half Men.
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THE AMERICANS: "Mutual Assured Destruction" S1E8 (review)

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By Morayo Sayles
The KGB has another internal disaster and it’s up to our friendly neighborhood spies to clean it up again. The KGB has hired an assassin (Chris Sullivan) from East Germany to “take out” the 14 American scientists who are part of the nuclear ballistic program, however in mid-mission, changed their minds but can’t get a hold of the assassin to stop him.

Cue the dynamic Jennings duo.

Phillip (Matthew Rhys) and Elizabeth (Keri Russell) are tasked with the awesomely craptastic job of finding an assassin they have no information on – no name, identification, or location and convince him to stop his mission by any means necessary.

To get the ball rolling, Phillip and Elizabeth blow up the car of a scientist on the list, this to spur the American government into providing all the scientists with some protection, while they began their search for the assassin. 


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SELENA GOMEZ AND JIMMY FALLON Cover Sam Hart's 'Mario Kart Love Song'

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Sam Hart's emo ballad about Mario Kart has probably backed the 1st wedding dance for a whole lotta dorks out there in the four years since its YouTube debut, but that doesn't mean it still isn't worth a listen, especially when Jimmy Fallon and Selena "Bikini" Gomez do a duet together dressed as Princess Peach and Mario.

But while I appreciate the cover, I don't think that Ms. Gomez quite felt the passion required to sing a song about beloved video game that I personally played on the N64 for hours at a time while scarfing down pizza and bottles of Martini and Rossi Asti Spumante until I passed out on a bean bag chair with the controller still in my hand.

I don't know, maybe it's an age difference thing...or the fact that she can wear a two-piece while I am relegated to wearing a Miraclesuit, praying that my beer gut is less noticeable...whatever.
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GLADIATOR GAMES: PAST, PRESENT, FUTURE Part 3: Future

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To cash in on the Hunger Games franchise, Marvel Comics announced the series Avengers Arena.

Written by Dennis Hopeless and penciled primarily by Kev Walker, this new ongoing series would have the villain Arcade capture members of critically acclaimed/cult favorite teenage teams (Runaways and Avengers Academy primarily) along with a few others both new and established, and have them participate in a death game akin to Battle Royale (from which it draws the majority of its inspiration).

The reaction garnered was far stronger than almost anything else they announced—to the negative. The author actually received a mixture of cheers and boos as New York Comic-Con before the comic was even released: an extremely rare event. 



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HOW TO MAKE AN iPad Sleeve From A Junk Food Wrapper

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Maybe it's because I was raised in Oregon, but throwing stuff away makes me feel guilty, so I try and see if any of my trash can be used for something other than laying in a plastic, non-degradable bag. And this tutorial (by Instructables user jolodesiderio) on turning an empty Cheetos bag (although any big bag of whatever would do) into an iPad sleeve, is right up my "filled with self loathing that I am destroying the planet myself" alley.

The materials needed for this project are cheap and easy to procure:
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My Top Video Game Easter Eggs

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Isn't it strange that we rarely happen upon video game Easter eggs?

Chocolate eggs, that is. I'd happily eat a video game branded egg - think of the marketing possibilities! You could have a Chocobo Egg, a Yoshi Egg or even an Elder Scrolls inspired Dragon Egg!

A quick search left me disappointed at the lack of video game branded eggs with an intense craving for chocolate...

This one doesn't count... it's tiny.

Eggs of the non chocolate variety however, are plentiful in the world of video games and here are some of the geekiest Easter eggs I've come across or heard about.

One of my favourite geeky references is a nod to Star Trek in the form of a pass code found in Fallout 3. If you head to the Nuka Cola Factory, you should come across the shipping foreman, his name is Milo. If you ask him about the manifest he will give you the code to the shipping computer; nc-c1864.

Recognise it?!

For any non-Trekkies let me explain, NCC-1864 is the number of the USS Reliant ship in Star Trek II: The Wrath Of Khan. But there's more...If you look at the timeline, the Reliant was built around the year 2277 which is also the year that Fallout 3 is set!

Another awesomely geeky Easter egg found in Fallout 3 is one for the film buffs to appreciate. The side quest 'Those!' is a direct reference to the cult B-movie film, Them! about giant fire breathing ants created accidentally after atomic bomb testing.

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Five of The Geekiest Jobs on Earth… But Are They Any Good?

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Some career paths are more suited to geeks than others. Thankfully, we tend to be better at the most quirky and awesome stuff than our office-dwelling counterparts.

But are the world’s geekiest jobs as good as they sound?

How well do they pay, and are the chances of career success likely?

Astronaut
Up there with ‘Race Car Driver’ and ‘Famous’, becoming an astronaut is one of the most popular answers children (and man-children) give when asked what they want to be when they grow up.

 (image courtesy of qwantz.com)

Sadly, only around 500 people in human history (mainly the latest bit) have been able to lay claims to this honor in and there are only ever around 150 active astronauts at any given time. With seven billion people on the planet, that’s less than 0.0000001% of the population who are able to stroll into a bar and state “Hey, I’m a friggin’ astronaut.”


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TRIPLE SHOT: CHEW #32, ACTION COMICS #18, THE WHISTLING SKULL #4

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Image has another huge week with too many books to review so we pick on the cibopathic Chew for our first shot this week. 

Over at DC we knock back a potion of Grant Morrison’s final Action Comics issue before dusting off the JSA Liberty Files: Whistling Skull #4.


CHEW #32

WRITER/LETTERER: John Layman
ART/COLOR: Rob Guillory
Publication Date: March 20, 2013
Price: $2.99
Publisher: Image Comics
UPC: 70985300808803211

Image had an incredible week, and when you are the go-to place to publish your own work and have the top talent in the industry dropping projects at your feet, you inevitably have some of the best books come shipping consistently.

It has been nearly four years since the debut of Chew, a crime story in the not so distant future where eating chicken is illegal. Not only that, the FDA has risen as a top federal crime agency and in this world people have sense based superpowers.

Some can communicate through food, detect the future of what they eat, and some like the star of the book, Tony Chu can read the history of the food he eats.

That is to say, when Tony eats a hamburger he experiences the lives and loss of 100 cows. This comes in handy, when more than once Tony has had to sink his teeth into a corpse to find out what happened to the body.

Chew is a hilarious book based on such a bizarre concept that is the reason for it’s success. You’d be lost picking this issue up if you are not caught up, a lot has happened in the past few issues. Newcomers should pick up the perennial bestsellers Chew Vol.1 in paperback or hardcover Omnivore Edition.

Tony tackles terrorists at the taco tasting and immerses himself in his work while mourning the loss off his sister. Over lunch a strawberry milkshake lunch, tensions rise between Colby and D-Bear in an illegal chicken shack when Colby connects the dots on D-Bear’s post mission phone calls. Luckily this ends in a knock out fight in the kitchen with butcher knives and swearing.

Near the end of the issue, Tony makes plans to reconnect with his cibopathic daughter, Olive Chu.

Fun issue but this would be confusing to anyone not caught up, so save your lunch money for a few days and pick up the trade to dine on these fine comics!


ACTION COMICS #18

WRITER: Grant Morrison, Sholly FischARTIST: Rags Morales, Chris Sprouse and more
Publication Date: March 20, 2013
Price: $4.99
Publisher: DC Comics
UPC: 76194130637701811

Mr. Morrison has had quite a couple of weeks. First, the death of Robin Damian Wayne in Batman Incorporated #8, and now this...

Grant and Rags finish up their run on Action Comics, starring none other than the big guy, Superman.

The breaking news is that Andy Diggle (The Losers, Daredevil, Doctor Who), tapped to take over after this team’s departure with Tony Daniel (Batman, Detective Comics) on art has quit the title over professional differences with DC Comics.

Tony Daniel will now be both writing and drawing the book, after Diggle’s one and only issue #19 hitting the stands next month.

We’re going to be keeping an eye on this nugget of gossip for sure. Many creators have expressed similar differences with the higher ups at DC since the New 52 relaunch.

This issue was not cheap at a $4.99 cover price but was worth the price of admission to the fifth dimension. Morrison has done what he promised to do in his bestselling novel Supergods: What Masked Vigilantes, Miraculous Mutants, and a Sun God from Smallville Can Teach Us About Being Human. He’s let Schrödinger's cat in and out of the multidimensional bag and referenced 75 years of Superman’s history from each Crisis to silly Golden Age Legion of Super-Heroes stories starring Superboy to a brand new and over arching reconfiguration of the Fifth Dimensional imp Mister Mxyzptlk.

If you can let this 18 issue Superman story wash over you from a place of superhero innocence and remember that this is the development of Clark Kent before joining the Justice League, this issue leaves off at a great point. By feeling that Clark graduated from the blue jeans and sprinting around in a single bound to fighting fifth dimensional time bubbles and hoisting an impossibly giant Doomsday into space, Kal is ready to take on saving Metropolis and the world (and the terraformers on Mars) hundreds of times over.

Supergods could be a prerequisite to Morrison’s Action run, I’m curious to see if fans were turned off from the writing here, because I was teetering on the line of enjoyment / confusion through most of it, with leaning toward over 90% of enjoyment by the end of each issue. The trick is that Morrison doesn’t want these to be easy comics to read, and the more you understand that the better your experience may be!

The backup story drawn by Chris Sprouse and sometime Action writer Sholly Fisch is a cute and well drawn story set in the future at a Superman museum. This is in the era of the Legion of Super-Heroes. Basically a young kid stands up to bullying while Superman videos play in the background and we hear “Man of Tomorrow”, “Faster than a speeding bullet”, “Look, up in the sky” as sound bytes from the movies. Sprouse is an amazing artist, and we hope to see him draw more DC Comics in the future. He may not though, as he also jumped ship from his DC assignment Adventures of Superman earlier this month with anti-gay bigot writer Orson Scott Card. Sprouse did the Kal El thing and stood up for justice. Way to go, Chris!


THE WHISTLING SKULL #4 (JSA LIBERTY FILES)

WRITER: B. Clay Moore
ARTIST: Tony Harris
Publication Date: March 20, 2013
Price: $2.99
Publisher: DC Comics
UPC: 76194126988700411

As we near the end of this week’s missive, save for the most popular superhero of all time, these books aren’t that easy to pick up and enjoy without a bit of prep.

Luckily the audience here has years of comic book experience to be able to handle this kind of thick, psychedelic and rare form of comic book suggestions that you’ve come to expect from us!  That is to say, when suggesting you read The Whistling Skull, branded as JSA Liberty Files, you’ll undoubtedly not be surprised that this book has absolutely nothing to do with Justice Society, Earth Two, Jay Garrick or Hawkman.

B. Clay Moore and Tony Harris have devised a way to tell old school bizarre tales of the weird starring original characters under the DC Comics banner. With no connection to the New 52, no superheroes that you know, and starring The Whistling Skull alongside partner Nigel this is a very strange book, indeed.

This is also the book I am most looking forward to reading each month.

The Whistling Skull and Nigel are patrolling the English countryside and stumble upon the work of ex-communicated Nazi doctor Klaus Hellman. Hitler was not keen on Hellman’s machinations for making his own brand of super-soldier and was kicked out of the reich. Posing as broken down circus caravan, The Whistling Skull and Nigel stop to assist but are trapped by the Nazi Hellman and his band of gypsy freaks.

The origin of The Whistling Skull and his powers are slowly being revealed, but he is the most recent in a long line of Skulls. Nigel is a sweet and innocent—albeit not that bright—Watson to the Skull’s Sherlock. This fantastical WWII superhero adventure story sits on the shelf near Hellboy/B.P.R.D. or is reminiscent of League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. Also, what is amazing about this book is that while familiar, it is truly unique in scope and the art by Tony Harris is amazingly detailed and dark. Noir overtones, occult madness, Nazi Doctors and a skull with a steampipe on the right temple. Can you ask for anything more? Yes. “More issues of this please”, I say, with my fingers crossed, to not have DC editorial mess with this amazing book!

TONGUE MOUNTED TOOTH BRUSH Will Solve All Your Bad Breath Problems (Please Hold the Sex Jokes Until the End of the Post)

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Friends Adel Elseri and Said Fayad think that they have come up with a product that millions of people would want- a tongue-mounted toothbrush -and they could be right, after-all who doesn't want clean breath. 

Elseri came up with the idea after driving home from a 12-hour shift and was suffering from severe dog breath and really wished he could do something about it before infecting anyone with his mouth funk.

The device (called T2T- Tongue to Teeth) slips over the user's tongue like a glove, has a thin coating of toothpaste on it and then, all you have to do, is swirl your tongue around your teeth and mouth like a porn star until you're minty fresh.
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FORTUNE TELLING BACON Is Now Available For All Your Bacon-Related Life Goals

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Bacon, Bacon, Bacon (no, I'm not talking to Kevin), I really thought you were at the cusp of your awesomeness what with all the bacon-flavored options available, but I had no idea that you would branch off into divination and tell me my eatable fortune...how wonderful.

This amazing product, procured from a magical swine and packaged by Radiant Farms (who brought the world Canned Unicorn Meat), contains 50 strips of "bacon" which will tell you your most secret food desires and help you decide what you're in the mood for.

And just how does a strip of bacon do that you wonder?
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LUCKY BASTARD (movie review)

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Review by Clara Armstrong
Produced by Jim Wynorski
Written by Lukas Kendall, Robert Nathan
Directed by Robert Nathan
Starring Don McManus, Betsy Rue, Jay Paulson,
Chris Wylde, Catherine Annette, Deborah Zoe, 
Lanny Joon, Lee Kholafai, Clint Brink, Angela Shin

Lucky Bastard is the directorial debut for Robert Nathan (Law & Order), the Peabody-winning, Emmy-nominated veteran writer. The film stars Don McManus (The Shawshank Redemption) as the proprietor of a website that invites fans to have sex with porn stars. Jay Paulson (Mad Men) plays Dave, an eager young fan given a chance to have sex with the fabulous Ashley Saint, played by Betsy Rue (My Bloody Valentine). Everyone gets more than they bargained for from the seemingly mild-mannered Dave...to gruesome results.
- Original Byline

Based on the first few shots of Lucky Bastard, you would think that this movie is nothing more than an amateur porn video shot by a home enthusiast who has pocket change to get some decent equipment, but whose quality falls short of the soft-core porn you can catch in the wee morning hours on Cinemax. If you were thinking it, then you would be right. Thank goodness, because in being a shoddy pseudo porn film, it’s an engaging story about the price of personal dignity and what it costs to buy and to relinquish.

The premise of Lucky Bastard is that in spite of the blatantly shallow and unrealistic nature of the porn reality, there are those of us who would surrender dignity just to live out our sexual desires and to be a part of it.

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PSYCH: "No Country for Two Old Men" S7E4 (review)

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By Morayo Sayles
This time it's Henry Spencer’s (Corbin Bernsen) turn to go on a wild and crazy ride and this adventure is Telenovela flavored!  Gus (Dule Hill) is having some massive cold feet about his relationship with Rachel (Parminder Nagra) and Shawn (James Roday) is getting to know Juliet’s (Maggie Lawson) family and trying to think up a new brand name for Juliet and himself seeing as they are both co-habitating.


It’s Juliet’s birthday and all the important people in her life are there. Lassiter (Timothy Omundson), Shawn, Henry, Gus and his family, her mother Maryanne (Susan Hogan) and her boyfriend Lloyd (Jeffrey Tambor) and some other random people.  Despite Juliet’s objections, Shawn sets his dad up on a lunch date with Lloyd, hoping that they will hit it off and become friends.  And that’s when the trouble started.

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Comic Book News Rodeo: DC Comics' Requests a Kill, Angela Comes To Marvel, The Private Eye & More!

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The Future is BKV

Brian K. Vaughan, alongside artist Marcos Martin, has released The Private Eye, a digital comic on Panelsyndicate.com.

The catch? You can download it for the price of "any price you deem fit".

The 32 page  DRM free1st issue is available as a PDF, CBR, or CBZ file, and can be downloaded in English, Spanish, and Catalan.


Up, Up, and Away?…..
Andy Diggle, who's first issue of Action Comics hasn't even shipped yet, announced via Twitter this week that he's quitting the book.


Citing "professional reasons", he'll be replaced by the title's artist, Tony Daniels, although when Daniels will take over as writer is anyone's guess. Diggle's first issue is expected in comic shops in April.


…And In Brightest Day?
Right after Diggle announced his departure from Action Comics, writer Joshua Hale Fialkov has announced that he's leaving not one, but TWO upcoming titles.


Originally slotted for both Red Lanterns and Green Lantern Corps, the former I, Vampire scribe cited "creative differences" regarding the story editorial wanted him to tell, which included working in the death of Green Lantern John Stewart into his planned (and already approved) Green Lantern Corps storyline.


Make Mine Gaiman!
Neil Gaiman is returning to Marvel this summer, and he's bringing a friend along.

No, not Sandman, Angela!


Remember her from Spawn #9 (and the seemingly endless legal battle between Gaiman and Todd McFarlane over who created her)?

This summer will see Angela make her arrival in the Marvel Universe: first in the finale of Age Of Ultron, and then in the Gaiman co-written Guardians Of The Galaxy #5. More details to come, including if more Neil Gaiman scribed Marvel adventures are heading your way or not.

HBO ORDERS Christopher Guest Mockumentary Series Starring Chris O'Dowd

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In news that made me sing a little ditty, HBO has ordered from the 5th Baron Haden-Guest (otherwise known as Christopher) a new British-style mockumentary series called Family Tree starring new "It" guy Chris O'Dowd (Bridesmaids, IT Crowd).

O'Dowd plays Tom Chadwick, a 30 year-old man who has recently lost his girlfriend and his job all at once. While that alone would make a man crumble, Chadwick also learns that a Great Aunt he has never met kicked the bucket and bequeathed him a mysterious box of belongings, which sets Tom off on a journey to discover his family lineage as well as acquiring a sense of who he really is.

The show will be filled with Guest's usual stable of improv actors: Bob Balban, Ed Begley, JR., Don Lake, Michael McKean and, of course, Fred Willard and will run for a reported 8 episodes starting in May. 

Between the release of Arrested Development season 4 on Netflix and Family Tree, I figure May is going to be the BEST MONTH EVER!

The teaser trailer is after the break
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