There comes a time in everyone's life when you have to make the decision whether or not you should stop eating butter for health reasons. If you do, remember, there's a plethora of "fake" butter products on the market that will taste oily and leak from your asshole in a very unbutter-like way that will have you questioning this whole "health" thing (See, "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter").
If you aren't afraid of anal leakage or crippling stomach cramps all in the name of being "healthy", it might behoove you to try and pick a product that does not leave you in violent sobs every time you slather it on your gluten-free bread, like President's Choice brand Memories of Butter (a product name that is just about as pathetic as you can get).
Of course, if you are looking for a depressive evening spent in a state of suicidal thoughts, feel free to pair Memories of Butter with President's Choice Memories of Dad's Grill:
For that extra dash of horrible blackness you've been looking forward to falling into ever since your father passed away.
You know, I wouldn't be a bit surprised if the salt content in both of these products were made from the tears of abandoned children.
Source: Neatorama