Uber depressed Morrissey had to postpone some concert dates on his tour after a bout of food poisoning and, in total Morrissey fashion, the crooner took to his blog, True To You, to apologize to his fans for inconveniencing them.
And when I say he apologized, what I mean to say is that he verbally sank to his knees and bellowed to the heavens and released his soul to the wind where it hugged each and everyone of his fans whose night was ruined by Morrissey's inability to contain the tainted food in his bowels.
Or, in his words:
I can't give words to the sorrow I feel at the loss of perfect Peru. Oh, black cloud. After such a victorious and uplifting welcome of Lima love, the contaminated jinx had its way via a simple restaurant meal of penne pasta and tomato. Three hours later, both I, and security Liam have collapsed with a deadly and delirious bedridden disease. Five days of round-the-clock medical supervision just barely controls the corrosively toxic food poisoning. I know my luck too well. Sorrow replaces joy, and in every dream home a heartache. It could only be me. I have returned to Los Angeles and to the expert supervision of my doctor Jeremy Fine, who assures me that I shall be fine (although not in the gossamer, powdery sense) for our upcoming shows in Argentina and Brazil. I have absolutely no idea where my beloved Chile has gone. In the heat of cancellations and postponements, the humiliation and mortification I feel on a personal level is too mammoth to be measured. If my spirits climb down any lower I could never again find the dignity to stand upright. We all live at the mercy of biological chance, and although I am not one to take refuge in clichés, I repeat my very servile apologies to any and all who back-packed their way to Peru. Alas, the dark shadow made the same journey. Each year of life brings us nearer to our decline, but I will continue to seek a listener until I'm dead in a ditch.
with all the soul of the world
MORRISSEY
12 July 2013, Los Angeles.
Now that, my friends, is how you say "I'm sorry".
Source: Stereogum