Smallville: Random, Awesome and WTF?! – The Final Farewell

Wow.  I mean, really.  Wow.

Ten seasons, over 200 episodes, more than 150 hours of watching, and even longer spent writing and formatting and this grand experiment is over.

When I first started this column, I never expected it to get this far.  So let me explain where this all came from.

Gather around, kids, I’ve got a little tale to tell…

I’ve been a comic book fan forever.  Characters like the X-Men and Superman, especially, resonated with me growing up, and in no small way comic books were largely responsible for saving my life when I was at my lowest point.

So when Smallville was first advertised, I was psyched.  I tuned in for the very first episode…and I watched each and every episode—no matter how random, no matter how awesome, no matter how WTF?!—right up until the end.

It was the longest I’d ever watched a show from start to finish, eclipsing the nine seasons of X-Files, and when I turned off the television the evening of May 13, 2011, knowing I’d just seen the last new episode of my favorite series, it was a weird feeling.

Also, I was scared, because without the TV on, it was really dark.

So I did what any rational person refusing to let go of fictional characters would do—I popped in the first DVD of season one and decided to watch Smallville from the beginning.

And while I was doing it and reminiscing, I started making some observations and it struck me to write them down.  I got a good chuckle out of it and posted it on Facebook, and some friends implored me to write more.

Watch TV and crack jokes at the expense of Lana Lang?  Sign me up!

I wrote a few more and then my wonderful editor-in-chief here on FOG!—Stefan Blitz; and, dude, I’m totally calling you “Chief” now—suggested I run the reviews here instead of just on Facebook.  I’d already been writing a few columns here and decided, “Yeah.  Let’s do this.”

She was hotter than hot, but also like a magnet for my mockery.

On August 3, 2011, we debuted I Was a Teenage Meteor Freak (credit to the Chief for the name and column logo), more commonly known as Smallville: Random, Awesome and WTF?!, and I officially committed to seeing this through.  And, I’ll tell you, it was one of the most demanding writing assignments I’ve taken on since finishing my book, An American at the Crossroads.

And I know what you’re thinking—dude, you had to watch TV and come up with jokes, how hard could it possibly have been?  And you’re right, in the grand scheme of things, it wasn’t like working a chain gang in a Turkish prison—haven’t done that since at least the late 1990s—but it was just the enormity of it all: a 200+ episode task, an entry two and then three times a week, while trying to keep it fresh and funny, and finding the time in my schedule to get it all together.

There were times where I was so sick of writing about the show and I’d have to walk away for a few weeks at a stretch to recharge.

But I did it, and here we are, and I’m pleased with the end result.

I mean, really, how could I quit these two ladies?

Smallville wasn’t a perfect show.  At times it was amazing.  Seeing some of my favorite characters like Hawkman and Zatanna was a dream come true.  Granted, my dreams are less grandiose than most, but either way, I’ll take it.  At others it seemed like it had no idea what it wanted to be or do, and made my brain cry.  Anyone remember Lana speaking that gibberish French/Latin/Moron language when she was possessed by a witch?  Or when she lost an old guy—twice—at a retirement home?  Or pretty much anything she did?  Yeah.  I sure do.  She almost gave me a stroke.

No, it wasn’t perfect.  But it was a show that entertained me through the ups and downs and when I was out west in boot camp for the Secret Service, it was a distraction once a week.  When I was living alone in DC on a meager federal cop’s salary, 250 miles from my loved ones, it was the one constant before I met my wife.

And this column was very much a labor of love.

Best father/son duo this side of Walter and Peter on Fringe.

But, in the end, I couldn’t have done this without the readers—and Chief Blitz, of course.

This column wasn’t the most read on the site.  It wasn’t the most commented on, and it wasn’t the most popular.  But it had a loyal readership, and every so often, I’d get a nice email thanking me for the laughs, or praising me for going big and doing the whole series.

And that made it all worth it.

So thank you all.  I’m honored that you allowed me the chance to share the craziness in my head and my love for this show.  I’m touched at the support I’ve received throughout the last eighteen months. 

And I’m grateful I was given the opportunity to put this all together for FOG!

What do I do next?  Not another ten season show, that’s for damn sure!  But you’ll still see me here writing Danger Rooms and Theater of the Absurd, and I'm on Facebook and writing zany comic related nonsense in other places online, so you’re not getting rid of me that easily.

It’s been a great ride, ladies and gentlemen, and thanks again for accompanying me along the way.

I Was a Teenage Meteor Freak is now officially over, the random, the awesome, and the WTF?! of Smallville finally at rest.

And thank YOU, Smallville, for ten years of entertainment.