Back in elementary school when you were starting to form yourself into an actual human being, there came a time when an old man or lady entered your classroom, wheeling in a cart filled with bacteria-soaked musical instruments that no one in their right mind would ever want to play: the recorder, the triangle, and a desk-sized xylophone.
From these beginnings you were introduced to the world of making music- albeit, bad music- and it is during these "music" classes where you would be forced to spend the next few years of your scholastic life playing epic renditions of Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star and Jingle Bells until the sight of one of these torture devices would turn your soul cold (or, until you discovered the drums or guitar...whichever came first)
But sometimes, even from these humble beginnings and lack of good instruments, a phoenix will rise and turn a boring school performance (of what I believe is When We Were Young by Fun) into a moment of such epic proportions that you can only look upon it with glazed eyes.
For this, my friends, is how one should play the xylophone.
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