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Reviews of Films I Have Never Seen: TEXAS CHAINSAW 3D – Overwritten Think Piece Disappoints

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Does it really take over four writers to craft a sequel to the classic Texas Chainsaw Massacre?

Remove the 3D.

Weigh it not in your calculations.

Is a literary quartet necessary to weave a tale about a guy in a leather mask carving up young people with a chain saw?

Let’s experiment and do the beats ourselves.

    •    Good-looking young people arrive at scary place.
    •    Disregard warnings.
    •    Titillating nudity.
    •    Murder One.
    •    Panic.
    •    Murders two through 16.
    •    Flight.
    •    Desperate Defense.
    •    Only survivor prevails against menace.
    •    Sequel teased.

NOW toss in 3D and pat yourself on the back.

In less time than it takes the government to spend 5 billion dollars we’ve outlined a journeyman piece of cinema.

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