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THIS IS HOW I IMAGINE VALENTINE'S DAY WOULD FEEL LIKE If I Actually Gave a Crap About the Holiday

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I know that there are people in this world who are looking forward to Valentine's Day with an exuberance that I usually reserve for my annual "Special Brownie" afternoon, but I just don't get it.

However, I do wish that I could experience this level of joy when entering a mall and being surrounded by reminders that Love is so damn important.

But I'm married and know better.

Source: Videogum



SUPERBOWL 46 RANT!

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Okay, okay, okay.

It's been two days, and you've already seen the game.

I live in New York City, so I was surrounded by gunshots in my hood after the big win.

I'm not into sports these days, so there you have it.

The parade is at 11 in the morning, and I won't be there.

Here are what I think are the best/worst of the spectacle.

#1 - I have a lot of friends who live in Europe, especially in England, Ireland, and Scotland, and they talked about the Superbowl more than my friends here in the city! And every time I asked why they were so into it...nobody could give me an answer as to why. Whatever.

#2 - No red carpet. Wouldn't that be funny? Oh well, the Oscars are coming up soon enough.

Now, let's go back in time to Sunday night.




Okay, the time is 6:00, and there's the coin toss!

Now, Blake Shelton and his wife come out and sing "America The Beautiful." They did a great job, SINGING LIVE!

And now Kelly Clarkson is singing the "Star Spangled Banner." AND SHE CRUSHED IT! LIVE SINGING!

Okay, the Giants fun out onto the field, to some odd sounding, 90's type sad Rock/Metal song. I have no idea what it is.

Now the Patriots come running out to "Crazy Train?" Really? Okay.

ON TO THE COMMERCIALS!

THE BEST OF THE NIGHT!

My absolute favorite is the car commercial with Jerry Seinfeld. It's my favorite because Jerry is in it, but it FAILS as a commercial, because I don't remember the car brand...but I remember that The Soup Nazi is in it!




MY SECOND FAVORITE!

This commercial is so fucking great on so many levels. A dog in a fat suit. One of the best James Brown songs EVER. STAR WARS CANTINA SCENE! I've watched it a hundred times already, I really love it.




MY THIRD FAVORITE!

This ad is total genius too. ECHO AND THE BUNNYMEN? VAMPIRES? COME ON - HOW CAN YOU NOT LOVE IT?




MY FOURTH FAVORITE!

Dogs + VW + Star Wars = Even MORE genius!




QUEEN ELTON JOHN and FLAVOR FLAV!




And now for the SOFT CORE PORN. First up, GoDaddy.com commercial featuring that race car driver chick, and the Biggest Loser workout chick. 

Oh, and some naked chick with body paint.




And the other one. A Fiat commercial where an Italian chick basically gets a pearl necklace...




Here's the English translation -

"What are you looking at? Uh!?
What are you looking at?! (slap)
Are you undressing me with your eyes?
Poor guy… you can’t help it?
Is your heart beating? Is your head spinning?
Do you feel lost thinking that I could be yours forever?"
BACK TO COMEDY!

Here's a long time favorite, the Career Builder.com ad with the chimps! And I just love that hapless guy. PERFECT!




The Voice commercial. MORE GENIUS!



And now, Samsung smacks down the iPhone. WITH A GUITAR AND A JUMPSUIT!



AND NOW - THE HALFTIME SPECTACULAR - MADONNA!




I've watched it about 10 times now. My first thought is...will Madge cut off M.I.A.'s finger and eat it for dinner? (see the Satanic ritual info below)

Otherwise, I'm a little bummed that she lip synched the entire thing (and can't WAIT for the grudge match between her and the other Queen - Elton John) But the production was top notch, I LOVED the Jeremy Scott for Adidas drag (and the sneakers!) and how could you go wrong with Cee-Lo?

I'm not a fan of the new song though. Whatever - that 53 year old broad did shit that most 22 year old kids can't do...and in 5 inch heels!
 
THIS JUST IN! Did you know that Madge's half time show was a Satanic ritual?

Well, that's pretty much it. There was the Clint Eastwood spot about car production in the US that has now made Republicans mad for some reason. I thought he was saying that the world was gonna end in the year 4024. He said that it's halftime, so...

Just as long as we don't blow up before the Grammys!


Love,
Crystal


A FIRESIDE CHAT WITH GOP Candidate Marvin E. Quasniki

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Another "No Bullshit" talk from the only man in the GOP who sounds like an actual human being.

And that's really saying something.

Source: The Nerdist


FAN-MADE HARRY POTTER TRIBUTE Will Likely Make Your Heart Burst From HP Withdrawl

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Well, I hope you're happy with yourself Mr. "the manbatman". I am now upset and am forced to watch all eight films back-to-back just to ease the pain you caused.

And here I was hoping to do something productive with my day.

Damn you straight to hell!

Source: blastr


TAKE ON ME (By A-HA) Done North Korean Style

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I don't care if you've already seen this a million times.

I don't care if you've grown tired of it.

The only thing I care about is that it doesn't have a freaking ukelele in it being played by a group of precious hipsters trying to be ironic about a group they only discovered off of an 80s compilation album.

So there.


A VERY MUPPET WICKER MAN

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If you saw the original 1973 version of Wicker Man you will feel the slight cringe of yucky terror while watching this.

If you happened to have watched the Nic Cage version instead, hit yourself in the head with a wrench as punishment for your lack of discernible taste.

And, if you'd like to read the strange comic this video is based on, click HERE

Source: Topless Robot


And One For All! THE THREE MUSKETEERS Return Home!

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Born to be Heroes. Trained to be Warriors. Destined to fight evil...

THE THREE MUSKETEERS

Logan Lerman, Orlando Bloom, Milla Jovovich and Academy Award® Winner Christoph Waltz Star in Summit Entertainment Release

Arriving on 3D Blu-ray™, Blu-ray and DVD March 13th

The Three Musketeers -- a modern retelling of Alexander Dumas’ timeless swashbuckling classic – arrives on 3D Blu-ray™, Blu-ray and DVD March 13th from Summit Entertainment. This exciting adventure for the whole family stars Logan Lerman (Percy Jackson & the Olympians), Orlando Bloom (Pirates of the Caribbean films), Milla Jovovich (Resident Evil films) and Academy Award®-winner Christoph Waltz (Best Supporting Actor, Inglourious Basterds).

With powerful special effects and explosive visuals, The Three Musketeers comes to life onscreen as Athos (Matthew Macfadyen), Porthos (Ray Stevenson) and Aramis (Luke Evans), along with aspiring warrior, D’Artagnan (Lerman), embark on a dangerous and legendary mission across Europe to save both their King and country – “all for one and one for all.”

The Three Musketeers is directed by Paul W.S. Anderson (Resident Evil) and co-written by Alex Litvak (Predators).

The 3D Blu-ray, Blu-ray and DVD contain special features that include audio commentary with the director, deleted and extended scenes, cast and crew stories and a special 17th century action featurette. Exclusive to the Blu-ray editions, Access: Three Musketeers allows viewers to explore and enjoy insider information with behind-the-scenes trivia and interviews as they watch the film.

3D Blu-ray, Blu-ray and DVD Special Features:
  • Deleted & Extended Scenes
  • Cast & Crew stories
  • 17th Century Action
  • Audio Commentary with the Director & more
Exclusive to Blu-ray and 3D Blu-ray:
  • Access: Three Musketeers


JON FAVREAU Will Direct J.J. ABRAMS NBC Pilot REVOLUTION

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An awesome team up for geeks today. Jon Favreau and J.J. Abrams will be working together on the NBC pilot Revolution.

Deadline reports that Favreau will direct the project from Abrams and Eric Kripke, creator of Supernatural. Kripke wrote the script for the pilot and will serve along with Abrams as an executive producer along with Bryan Burk.



The show revolves around a group of characters in a world were "all forms of energy have mysteriously ceased to exist." The main objective of this tiny group of survivors is to stay alive and reunite with the loved ones they have been separated from.

The "high-octane action drama" will be the first drama pilot for Favreau. He has directed comedies before like the David Arquette starring In Case of Emergency and he is set to helm the comedy pilot Tweaked over at CBS.

Tweaked is the project that Favreau wrote on spec and was given the greenlight in October. As of now, no casting has been done and could possibly be shot outside of the regular pilot season.



HOUSE M.D. Will Retire After Eight Seasons

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House is done and walking out of Princeton-Plainsboro for good. The eighth season will be the last for the doctor.

Fox announced today that the show will wrap up the season after a successful eight years on the air. Hugh Laurie said in November that he expects to retire from television when the show hits it's finale. While the show is produced by Universal TV and could go to NBC, it's very unlikely it will continue there.



Ratings for the show have been consistant and good for the current season. Shows have been averaging 9.8 million with DVR playback. The last episode had 7.1 million even when it was up against The Voice. Laurie has won two Golden Globes for his part, but never an Emmy.

The show has been getting progressively more expensive to make with cast and producers expecting a raise for each year if the ratings are good. Fox is also hoping that they will be able to use the House money towards the three new shows Terra Nova, Alcatraz, and the Bones-spinoff The Finder.

Here's the official word from the producers and Laurie:
After much deliberation, the producers of House M.D. have decided that this season of the show, the 8th, should be the last. By April this year they will have completed 177 episodes, which is about 175 more than anyone expected back in 2004.

The decision to end the show now, or ever, is a painful one, as it risks putting asunder hundreds of close friendships that have developed over the last eight years – but also because the show itself has been a source of great pride to everyone involved.

Since it began, House has aspired to offer a coherent and satisfying world in which everlasting human questions of ethics and emotion, logic and truth, could be examined, played out, and occasionally answered. This sounds like fancy talk, but it really isn’t. House has, in its time, intrigued audiences around the world in vast numbers, and has shown that there is a strong appetite for television drama that relies on more than prettiness or gun play.

But now that time is drawing to a close. The producers have always imagined House as an enigmatic creature; he should never be the last one to leave the party. How much better to disappear before the music stops, while there is still some promise and mystique in the air.

The producers can never sufficiently express their gratitude to the hundreds of dedicated artists and technicians who have given so generously of their energy and talent to make House the show it has been – and perhaps will continue to be for some time, on one cable network or another. [Note: This line seems to suggest the show might get shopped around, but sources say they were likely referring to syndicated repeats].

The makers of House would also like to thank Fox Broadcasting and Universal Television for supporting the show with patience, imagination and large quantities of good taste. The Studio-As-Evil-Adversary is one of the many clichés that House has managed to avoid, and for that the cast and crew are deeply grateful.

Lastly, the audience: some have come and some have gone, obviously. This is to be expected in the life of any show. But over the course of the last eight years, the producers of House have felt immensely honored to be the subject of such close attention by an intelligent, discriminating, humane and thoughtful – not to mention numerous – audience. Even the show’s detractors have been flattering in their way. Making the show has felt like a lively and passionate discussion about as many different subjects as could possibly be raised in 177 hours. The devotion and generosity of our viewers has been marvelous to behold.

So, finally, everyone at House will bid farewell to the audience and to each other with more than a few tears, but also with a deep feeling of gratitude for the grand adventure they have been privileged to enjoy for the last eight years. If the show lives on somewhere, with somebody, as a fond memory, then that is a precious feat, of which we will always be proud.

Everybody Lies.


First Images from M. NIGHT SHYAMALAN and WILL SMITH's AFTER EARTH

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Will Smith and M. Night Shyamalan are shooting on location for After Earth. Here are some of the first pictures from the upcoming movie. I bet there's a twist.

Will and Jaden Smith will star in Shyamalan's next project which was previously called One Thousand A.E. Taking place a thousand years in the future, the story is about a boy who is forced to look around the abandoned Earth for his father after their ship crashes.

Shooting has started in Costa Rica on the project that was written by Shyamalan, Gary Whitta, and Stephen Gaghan. The film is expected to hit theaters on June 7, 2013.









First Look at ALEC BALDWIN and RUSSELL BRAND In ROCK OF AGES

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In the upcoming film adaptation of the Broadway hit Rock of Ages get ready to see Alec Baldwin and Russell Brand in some crazy outfits.

In this new picture from The Hollywood Reporter, Baldwin stars as Dennis Dupree, owner of The Bourbon, with Brand in his rocker character garb. Julianne Hough is trying to convince him to give Diego Boneta's character, Drew Boley, a chance in the failing Sunset Strip club of the 1980s.

Director Adam Shankman said “If that wig didn’t work, then the whole thing was going to be a disaster." He added, “The world is so used to seeing him as Jack Donaghy, and I needed to get him as far away from Jack Donaghy as I could.”





BILLY CONNOLLY Cast as DAIN IRONFOOT In THE HOBBIT

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Billy Connolly will be joining the cast for both parts of Peter Jackson's Hobbit movies as Dain Ironfoot.

Variety reports that Connolly will be playing the great dwarf warrior in both An Unexpected Journey and There and Back Again. The actor is mostly known for his stand up comedy work, but he has had roles in films like The Last Samurai and Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events.



When talking about the casting decision, Jackson said "We could not think of a more fitting actor to play Dain Ironfoot, the staunchest and toughest of Dwarves, than Billy Connelly, the Big Yin himself." He also added, "With Billy stepping into this role, the cast of The Hobbit is now complete. We can't wait to see him on the Battlefield!"

The Hobbit takes place 60 years before the events captures in Lord of the Rings. The story follows Bilbo the hobbit and his unexpected rise to greatness after he begins a search to find the one ring.

Also cast in the film are Stephen Fry as the Master of Laketown and Orlando Bloom reprising his role as Legolas. Martin Freeman stars as Bilbo Baggins with Andy Serkis, Elijah Wood, Ian McKellen and Cate Blanchett reprising their roles from The Lord of the Rings trilogy. Parts of both films have already been shot back-to-back style.

The script was written by Jackson along with Fran Walsh, Philippa Boyens, and Guillermo del Toro. If all goes according to plan the first film will release on December 14 this year with the second following a year afterwards on the 13th.


DENZEL WASHINGTON Has 2 GUNS

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Denzel Washington could be seen soon next to Mark Wahlberg in the adaptation of 2 Guns.

According to Deadline Washington is in talks to star in the adaptation of Steven Grant's graphic novel of the same name. Baltasar Kormakur is set to direct the film, he recently finished Contraband at Universal with Wahlberg.



Published by Boom! Studios, 2 Guns sees a DEA agent and an undercover naval intelligence officer unwittingly investigate each other as each steals mob money. The script was written by Blake Masters with Marc Platt and Andrew Cosby and Ross Richie from Boom!

Washington's latest project was Robert Zemeckis' Flight which recently wrapped production. He also stars in the premiering today Safe House.




Smallville: Random, Awesome and WTF?! - S3E14: Obsession

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Clark’s secret is accidentally uncovered by one of the hottest girls we’ve ever seen on the show who just happens to have powers of her own.

Naturally, she’s also a scary borderline sociopath, but, hey, I’m not picky.

The Random:
1. Clark meets Alicia in an elevator on a school trip. I met an old lady who insisted on telling me about her cats. Not fair.

2. Papa Kent is cross with Clark for having Alicia in his room, but secretly we know he’s thinking, “Nice work, kiddo. Go get some.”

3. Just once, it’d be nice if the hot love du jour didn’t wind up being an unhinged whackjob, just for kicks. Well, so long as they don’t stop trying to kill Lana, because that’s always amusing.

“Sorry, Lana, you know the rules. I’m obligated to try and kill you.”

The Awesome:
1. Alicia wins the episode, possibly the season, for showing up in Clark’s bedroom half naked. Some people would say half clothed, but I’m an optimist. Either way, I need a cigarette…

2. It’s always good when Lex sees someone having a problem and confidently explains that he’ll take care of it. No elaboration, no wasted words, just a nod of the head and a little, “Don’t worry about it.” He’s like the Wolf in Pulp Fiction.

3. For the second episode in a row, Clark not only comes up with a pretty good plan to stop the bad guy, but also pulls his own ass out of the fire. Way to step up.

"Dad, this isn’t what it looks like. She was just polishing it and it went off!”


The WTF?!:
1. Lana “Don’t Keep Secrets, It Makes Me Cry” Lang decides to rifle through Adam’s stuff instead of going to the authorities and then gets mad that Adam has a diary with his observations of HER. Riiiiiight. That OK, though, it turns out Lionel’s behind him being in Smallville in the first place, so expect shit to blow up real soon…

2. Clark gets the green light on a 3-0 count again from a willing and able girl…and he bunts. Foul. Crazy or not, CK, take a swing and play ball.

3. I really need to see the explanation they give to the cops about Alicia. “Uh, yeah, keep her in a lead-lined room because she can teleport otherwise.” I can just imagine them taking that advice seriously.

Clark. Dude. Seriously. C’mon!


Syfy Picks Up BEING HUMAN For Third Season

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Ghost, Vampire, and Werewolf will all return for a third season of Being Human on Syfy.

Syfy let out the good word that after four episodes of season two, Being Human will be back for a third season. The order for 13-episodes of the drama series was announced today after season two was seen performing 27% higher than the first season.



The show is based on the Brit series of the same name that was created by Toby Whithouse. It stars Sam Witwer as the vamp Aidan, Meaghan Rath as ghost Sally and Sam Huntington as Josh the werewolf. The three live together as supernatural beasts in the luxury of a Boston brownstone.

Syfy prez of original content Mark Stern said “(Showrunners) Jeremy Carver and Anna Fricke have taken this series to new heights this year and we’re excited to see where the third season will go,”



THE BOURNE LEGACY Makes BOURNE Cool Again!

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Goodbye Matt Damon. Heeeeello Jeremy Renner!

Universal has released the first trailer for THE BOURNE LEGACY and it is awesome... plus it's fairly unique in the way it's cut.

I'm not really a fan of the BOURNE films (I'll take Bond or McClane over Jason any day); I love what they did for the action genre in terms of making fight scenes more brutal and real, but I was never sold on Matt Damon being a baddass. But Renner is (in this writer's humble opinion) one of the most badass badasses currently acting in Hollywood today.

Edward Norton also makes an appearance as the villain, increasing my interest in the film even more. And there even seems to be a little bit of THE GREY in there (by which I mean someone kicking ass in a winter coat in the snow).

So... goodbye Jason Bourne... and welcome to badaasery, Kenneth Kitsum! (Or is it Aaron Cross?)

Check out the heart-pounding trailer after the jump!




THE BOURNE LEGACY hits screens August 3rd, by which point you will have also seen Renner as Hawkeye in THE AVENGERS.


Behind The Red Carpet With Kristyn Burtt - BEST MUSIC NOMINEES! Original Score and Best Song!

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Kristyn Burtt joins Forces of Geek as our special Oscars correspondent for the next few weeks as she takes a look at the various Academy Award nominees.




Come back tomorrow with coverage from the The 31st annual Oscar nominees luncheon.

Kristyn Burtt is a Streamy Award nominated host, new media producer, and pop culture writer. She began her hosting career with a children’s dance video teaching the world how to Electric Slide and Hokey Pokey. Since then, she has moved on to more serious ventures with the pilot episodes of The Arena with Jesse Ventura on MSNBC and host/reporter stints with QVC, ShopNBC, and PAX. She covered the 83rd Annual Academy Awards from the Nominations to the Red Carpet for Starpulse as well as the 65th Annual Tony Awards. Currently, she is working as an entertainment correspondent for NBC/Universal's, iVillage.com. With 5 running infomercials, she is also a fixture on televisions all across the globe.


For the last five years, she has co-hosted a live show for Toyota around the U.S. and she has interviewed the hottest celebrities on the red carpet for Focus Hollywood, Mingle Media TV's Red Carpet Report, and Dance Channel TV. In July of 2009, she created the first online entertainment show focusing in on web series, “web celebs”, and new media called The Web Files. The show was named the Best Original Web Non-Fiction show for 2009 by Clicker.com, Kristyn was nominated for a 2010 Streamy Award for Best Web Series Host, and The Web Files received 3 nominations at the 2012 IAWTV Awards including her winning two awards including Best Host in a Taped Hosted Web Series. Recently, Newstex syndicated her pop culture blog, Red Carpet Closet.


Casting News: JOHN GOODMAN, NATALIE PORTMAN, TOM FELTON and More

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In our round-up of movie casting today we see big names like John Goodman, Natalie Portman, and Tom Felton.

Lots of dramas today for these actors including Tom Felton playing a vengeful ghost, John Goodman as a baseball scout, and Game of Thrones actor Kit Harington as a wizards apprentice. Thankfully we have Jason Jones from The Daily Show to give us a little bit of comedy.

Variety reports that Game of Thrones star Kit Harington will be joining the cast of The Seventh Son. He would join the cast that includes Jeff Bridges, Ben Barnes, Julianne Moore and Alicia Vikander. The film is an adaptation of Joseph Delaney's YA series about a teen that learns wizardy from "a forbidding spook." Harington would play the former apprentice of Bridges' character. The project is being directed by Sergey Bodrov with a script from Matt Greenberg.


According to Deadline, Tom Felton is set to star with Elizabeth Olsen and Glenn Close in Therese Raquin. Set to be written and directed by theater director Charlie Stratton, Felton would play the role of Therese's (Olsen) husband who she plots to kill with her lover Laurent. After they kill him, his ghost returns to haunt them and destroy their love

John Goodman will be playing baseball soon. According to Variety the actor is set to join Justin Timberlake and Clint Eastwood in Robert Lorenz's Trouble With the Curve. Eastwood stars as an aging baseball scout with vision problems. Goodman will play a longtime friend of Eastwood's character who still believes in him and his ability to spot the talented players. Eastwood and Lorenz will produce the project which was written by Randy Brown.

Deadline reports that Natalie Portman has signed on to back-to-back Terrence Malick films Knight of the Cups and Lawless. The films will be her first since her win for Best Actress for Black Swan and then taking maternity leave. For Knight of the Cups she joins Christian Bale, Cate Blanchett and Isabel Lucas in the cast. Right after that she will move on to star with Ryan Gosling, Bale, Blanchett, Rooney Mara and Haley Bennett in Lawless. Details about both films are being kept very secret right now.

And we end with some comedy news today as Deadline says that Jason Jones will be joining the cast of heist comedy The Black Marks as an Interpol agent. Directed by Jonathan Sobol, the movie is about a bad motorcycle daredevil/ semi-reformed art thief who decides to go on one more job. The cast includes Kurt Russell, as the lead Crunch Calhoun, along with Matt Dillon, Jay Baruchel (Goon), Terence Stamp (The Adjustment Bureau), Chris Diamantopoulos (‘Moe’ in the upcoming Three Stooges), Katheryn Winnick (Love and Other Drugs) and Kenneth Welsh (Grey Gardens).


Jason Statham To Star In Remake Of Burt Reynolds' HEAT

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Sierra / Affinity announced they will commence sales efforts in Berlin on the remake of HEAT, formally starring Burt Reynolds, now with Jason Statham!

Brian De Palma (SCARFACE, MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE, THE UNTOUCHABLES) is set to direct the film from the screenplay by William Goldman (THE PRINCESS BRIDE, BUTCH CASSIDY AND THE SUNDANCE KID).

What's most fascinating about the project is that Goldman also wrote the screenplay for the original 1987 HEAT. Both screenplays are based on his novel of the same title. So he's written the story, what, at least three times then? Goldman must really love it.

This film, not to be confused with 1995's heist film HEAT (as I did at first), focuses on a recovering gambling addict (Statham) who makes a living providing protection in the underbelly of the gambling world. Said character never uses a gun, yet still manages to help a friend get revenge on the high-rolling mobster who beat her.

HEAT will shoot in France in late 2012 or early 2013.


PERFECT SENSE — Film Sneers at Kitchen Savvy Audiences

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A simple apocalyptic story interwoven with gossamer threads of complexity?

Or a curt dismissal of audience expectations regarding cooks and kitchens?

Director David MacKenzie’s love story set in a crumbling world relies on safe character tropes such as the attractive female scientist and the cook who looks like Ewan McGregor.

But despite the protagonists’ likeability there is a disdain for the audience involving kitchens that startled and upset me like a burning mime.



Our tale involves a romance between scientist Susan (Eva Green) and a cook named Michael (Ewan McGregor). Their love blossoms in a world under siege from a strange disease that causes you to lose your sense perceptions. Sensory loss is one of the first symptoms of reading the Maritime Fisheries Act so I could immediately relate to the story.

I also related to the symptoms of this disease, one of which is a fierce hunger for Slim Jims and really big tamales.

But here the story breaks apart like old Wheat Thins.

To begin, I cannot believe the art department would dress a kitchen set and forget to include novelty egg timers. There were no gingerbread men with little timers in their tummies and no croaking frog egg timers and no egg timers shaped like smiling hens. Is that a kitchen or a slopped-together set?

Of course, more atrocities followed. As you may have guessed by now there were no novelty oven mitts. No catcher’s mitts or Kermit the Frog or hungry alligator. How am I to believe this is a real kitchen? The film's spell was snapped like an old man's suspenders, never to be recaptured.

And, naturally, no funny kitchen wall clock shaped like an omelet that one finds in virtually any kitchen with a proper sense of life's absurdities.

What happened to MacKenzie? Did he cede all creative control to a slovenly art department? Did his budget run out? Or was his face stuffed with Slim Jims and big tamales to the exclusion of proper supervision?

2 stars because more important reviewers hated the film and I wish to overtly please them.


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