This 1963 THE SPIRIT Fan Film Is Still Better Than Frank Miller's Version

January 31, 2014, 1:00 pm

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The young 'uns of today will never know what it was like to hold an 8mm camera in their hands and shoot horrible homages to their favorite comic characters while wasting hundreds of feet of film that their dad bought in order to capture the family's vacation to the Grand Canyon (nor will they have to face the consequences of that action). I'm still not sure that if that's a good thing or not but judging by this super-fun The Spirit short shot by a teenage Donald Glut (who is best known for writing the novelization Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back), the lost art of making movies on film might be one of those talents that should be resurrected.

Now, Glut not only made this amateur flick, he made 41 of them (all of which have been released on one DVD for your viewing pleasure) and thanks to his skill (which won him a lot of praise) he was able to have a career in children's television working as a screenwriter on shows like: Shazam!, Land of the Lost, Spider-Man, Transformers, Challenge of the Gobots, Spider-Man and His Amazing Friends, Duck Tales, Tarzan, Lord of the Jungle, The Super Powers Team: Galactic Guardians, G.I. Joe and X-Men (not to mention making some pretty spectacular sexploitation films in the oughts, The Erotic Rites of Countess Dracula (2001), The Mummy's Kiss (2003), Countess Dracula's Orgy of Blood (2004), The Mummy's Kiss: 2nd Dynasty (2006) and Blood Scarab (2007).

So check out what fan films looked like before the advent of digital cameras and YouTube after the break.
I still stand by my headline, this is much better than Frank Miller movie.

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SAY CHEESE! The Polaroid Cheese Slicer Will Give You Picture Perfect Cheese Slices For Your Sandwich

January 31, 2014, 3:00 pm

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Cutting cheese is a bitch and yes, I know you can buy it pre-sliced, but there's something about unwrapping a block of aged cheddar and shoving a knife into it that makes me all warm inside. And while wielding a butcher knife is exhilarating, what I'm left with is shards of cheese rather than slices (perhaps I'm a bit more violent than necessary) so I am turning to the handy-dandy cheese slicer as a potential kitchen item that will give me what I so desperately want, a sandwich-sized cheese slice that fits the bread perfectly.

Unfortunately as cheese slicers go, there haven't been any that plays with puns in the way I like...that is until I spied this Polaroid-styled one.

Say cheese...get it?

Now, I'm easily amused and since this baby is only $9.99 (pre-order through Foodiggity HERE) you can bet that my disposable income (of which there is a lot since my food budget revolves around spending $6 for 36 packages of Top Ramen noodles) is going toward buying several of these (for myself as well as gifts).

I only hope that those who are the recipient of such an awesome cheese slicer will feel the need to ply my face hole with stacks of grilled cheese sandwiches as thanks...I have very simple dreams people.

OWNED BY SATAN: Movies About Satan's Own

January 31, 2014, 5:00 pm

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Most of my columns have been primers about particular movie subgenres, but I thought people might enjoy some columns that are more thematic.

My territory comprises sci-fi, fantasy, and horror classics - all such movies made from 1902-1982 - and it's fun to find patterns within this territory.

Previously, I wrote about mad doctor movies that had the doctors' names in their titles.

Now, how about a list of horror movies titled according to ownership by Satan?

Here they are, alphabetically.  I originally planned a list of six (you know, because of 666), but nine such movies were released in our timeframe, so here we go.

And a nine is an inverted six anyway.

I comment further on each of these movies in my Claws & Saucers guidebook, but I hope you'll enjoy my brief comments here.  Note: several of the links are NSFW.


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GREEN DAY'S 'DOOKIE' Turns 20...Who Feels Old?

February 3, 2014, 7:00 am

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In 1992 Green Day's album Kerplunk (Lookout Records) made its way into my tape deck where it stayed put for most of my eighteenth year (I can't even tell you how many times I listened to song Words I Might Have Ate before my roommates took a vote to bar it from the apartment). Whatever it was that made that particular album memorable, be it the catchy hooks, Billie Joe Armstrong's angry boy vocals or the fact that this particular California punk sound seemed more, well, friendly than what I normally listened to, I fell wholeheartedly in love.

Fast-forward a couple years to the release of Dookie (Reprise Records), a seminal album that turned the once punk band into bonafide post-punk pop stars (which so pissed off most of their hardcore fans that the group was basically shunned from that moment on). While I too was a bit peeved at the time (most punk fans are unforgiving, we like our bands to stay angry, poor and ours) that sorority girls would happily drunk dance and sing to When I Come Around, I will still admit that when I was home alone I would skip through most of the more popular releases (because I was a snob) and instead play Coming Clean and Sassafras Roots until I drifted off to sleep (although, to be completely honest, I probably played Basket Case more than any other song...Shhhh, don't tell anyone).

But you know something? 20 years later I'm not as big of an asshole as I once was and so yeah, I re-listened to the album again...all of it, and to tell you the truth, It's pretty damn good. Maybe it's because I'm turning 40 in a couple of months or the fact that I have weird pain flair-ups in my joints whenever I attempt anything more complicated than the Pogo dance, but listening to Longview and When I Come Around doesn't seem so much like a sell out move by the boys of Green Day anymore, instead it sounds more like a couple of good songs on an album that is firmly connected to the early 90s, a time when I was at my very best.

So, if you care to join me on a trip down memory lane, I've thrown a few videos from Dookie on after the break.

I'll bring the Zima if you'll pass me an OK Soda.

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THE TASTE GAP BY IRA GLASS: An Animated Typography Tale On Becoming Creatively Successful

February 3, 2014, 9:00 am

≫ Next: 'LOVE IN THE TIME OF ADVERTISING' : Watch It, Love It, Learn From It

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If you spend your life doing creative work, be it in writing, art, design or anything in between, there is a good chance that whatever it is that you are working on will suck balls (at least to you), and it is during these times of creative trial when some of us contemplate giving it all up and taking a job in an office somewhere where we don't have to be confronted by our lack of skill in translating that vision to the medium of our choice.

And frankly, that desire to forgo a life of creativity sometimes sadly wins out.

But in this amazing typography animation by Daniel Sax (which uses Ira Glass' inspirational words of wisdom on being creatively successful during those times when you feel anything but), is a true testament to just how rewarding it can be to push through the self-doubt and continue to put out work.

Check it out after the break and then by all means, start making stuff.

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'LOVE IN THE TIME OF ADVERTISING' : Watch It, Love It, Learn From It

February 3, 2014, 11:00 am

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I may be dead inside but that doesn't mean that I don't know how to feel love (just ask my husband) and occasionally I find myself getting a bit weepy over something I watch that makes my heart grow at least two sizes larger (I'm like the Grinch in that way). And this short animated musical love story, Love In the Time of Advertising, is one of those things that makes me believe that all those gushy feelings that dwell in the muck of my soul are kinda powerful indeed.

The story revolves around a young guy who lives inside a billboard (for which he is responsible for updating the advertisements) who falls deeply in love with a woman who lives across the highway, and the only way he can tell her how awesome she is to him is via the very signs he's in charge of.

Now, if you are interested in feeling emotions beyond contempt and cynicism, then watch this incredibly heart-warming tale of love and various name-brand products.

I promise you it is worth it.

Animation after the break.

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That Time of The Week - DVD & Blu-ray Reviews From 1/28/14

February 3, 2014, 1:00 pm

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And with that, only eleven more months until 2015.  This week we've got a smorgasbord of digital delights including movies and television series galore including tales among the British class system, food come to life, Julian Assange, Penguincams and more.

Fire up that queue and prep that shopping cart.  It's that time of the week!


Masterpiece: Downton Abbey Season 4  (U.K. Edition)

PBS / Released 1/28/14

Season Four, set in 1922, sees the return of our much-loved characters in the sumptuous setting of Downton Abbey. Six months after Matthew's tragic death, his loss is still felt throughout the great house. Mary struggles to face a new future with her fatherless child, and is encouraged by the family to pick up the pieces. Accepting a new role on the estate, the now-eligible Mary also finds herself the reluctant object of attention from a number of eager suitors. With the twenties in full swing and the tides of change sweeping through Downtown, Rose's continued attraction to the bright lights of London spells trouble for the Crawleys, and Edith's budding relationship with Michael Gregson is trouble for the Crawleys, and Edith's budding relationship with Michael Gregson is threatened by events beyond her control. Meanwhile, below stairs, passions run high and young hearts look set to be broken.

Writer and creator Julian Fellowes brings back this award-winning drama with the acclaimed ensemble cast led by Hugh Bonneville, Elizabeth McGovern, Michelle Dockery, and Maggie Smith, as well as guest stars Shirley MacLaine and Paul Giamatti, who plays Cora's playboy brother Harold. Extras include featurettes.

Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs 2

Sony / Released 1/28/14

Inventor Flint Lockwood thought he saved the world when he destroyed his most infamous invention - a machine that turned water into food causing cheeseburger rain and spaghetti tornadoes. But Flint soon learns that his invention survived and is now combining food and animals to create "foodimals!" Flint and his friends embark on an adventurously mouth-watering mission to battle hungry tacodiles, shrimpanzees, hippotatomuses, cheesepiders and other foodimals to save the world - again! Extras include commentary, featurettes, music video, mini movies and deleted scenes.

Last Word: Animated sequels rarely work.  And yes, before you yell Toy Story, I have plenty of issues with Pixar's formulaic and manipulative storytelling.  I dug the first Cloudy film and was pleasantly surprised to find this one a worthy successor, simply, because it's so damned weird.  With food and animal hybrids attacking the world, this "Gastromic Park" brings the cast into a colorful, kinetic and fun film that embraces the goofy and surreal. It's also funny. The film is filled with concepts, some more successful than others, but enough to inspire storytellers of all ages.  The voice cast is also fantastic and includes Bill Hader, Anna Faris, James Caan, Will Forte, Andy Samberg, Benjamin Bratt, Neil Patrick Harris, Terry Crews (replacing the equally beloved Mr. T) and Kristen Schaal. Cloudy 2 isn't quite as sharp as the original film, but it's humor and self-awareness made the film equally entertaining. Recommended.

Jackass Presents: Bad Grandpa

Paramount / Released 1/28/14

Johnny Knoxville reprises his Jackass role as 86-year-old Irving Zisman in the story of a crotchety old man unexpectedly saddled with the care of his 8-year-old grandson Billy (Jackson Nicoll). The two generations of troublemakers soon develop a bond, as they hustle their way across the heartland of America on an outrageous road trip with a whole lot of high jinks and pranks on unsuspecting, real-life people - all of whom had no idea they were starring in a hidden camera comedy.

Last Word: As a huge fan of Jackass, I was pretty disappointed in Knoxville's latest effort.  Like Sacha Baron Coen's equally disappointing Bruno, it tries to combine scripted material with hidden camera pranks.  And it just doesn't work.  It feels too much like schtick; never genuine and unlike Jackass, the set-ups never seem genuine.  Jackson Nicoll is great, but it's Knoxville's performance as Zisman that feels tired.  If you're a fan of Jackass, it's worth a watch, but unfortunately the best stuff really was in the trailer.

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Rowling Regrets Ron and Hermione, Vintage Sex, Library Lifeblood & More!

February 3, 2014, 3:00 pm

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Why I Love Libraries 
Why libraries are a crucial lifeblood of our society, and all that jazz.

February Fantasy 
Tor.com has a great listing of all the big releases in fantasy for the month of February.

Caldecott & Newbery
The Caldecott and Newbery medal winners have been announced and its Floca and DeCamillo!

Diagonally First LookA conceptual first look at Diagonally which will be opening at Universal Studios Orlando later this summer.

UC Davis & Amazon
University of California Davis and Amazon are teaming up together to see about getting some serious book sales.

Hermione Potter?
JK Rowling admits to Emma Watson that Harry should have wed Hermione.

Reading Under The Blankets With a Flashlight
Flavorwire looks at 12 vintage sex books.

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The Pull List: SNOWPIERCER V. 1, CAPTAIN MIDNIGHT V. 1, LOCKE & KEY V. 6

February 3, 2014, 5:00 pm

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graph·ic nov·el

noun 

1.  a novel in comic-strip format.

I read them all.  The good and the bad, so you don't have to.

Welcome to The Pull List.

And, as always...Spoilers ahead!

Snowpiercer Volume 1: The Escape
Writer: Jacques Lob
Artist: Jean-Marc Rochette
Lettering: Gabriela Houston
Publisher: Titan Comics
Price: $19.99
Release Date: January 29, 2014


Snow and deadly subzero temperatures have blanketed the globe, killing off most life on the planet. What remains, lives aboard a train in perpetual motion.

As always, civilization, no matter how scarce the population, manages enact a class system. The rich live in luxury while the poor reside in the worst conditions.

Jacques Lob produces a story that is fascinating from many different angles. The train itself is a sign how close the human species is to extinction.

Yet, the gravity of the situation is lost on everyone as petty differences rise above the common good. The seeds are planted for a coup as we see how different parts of the train live along with their functions.

The black and white artwork fits like a glove because it serves a constant reminder of how icy and dark the world has become. The detail in Jean-Marc Rochette depictions serves the story well and just draws you in. Often times, I wanted to wrap a blanket around myself because I felt as cold as the passengers on the train.

If you didn’t know, this book inspired the film with the same title and staring Captain America himself, Chris Evans. Those of you who might want to skip these enthralling and thought provoking pages for the silver screen adaptation would be missing out on a remarkable read. After all, Virginie Selavy didn’t translate this story from French to English for you to take the easy way out.

Score: 9/10


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Win 'SCARECROW' on DVD!

February 3, 2014, 7:00 pm

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For years the urban legend of the deadly scarecrow has haunted children, and in one small town, the evil comes to life. During the annual Scarecrow Festival, a group of teens are tasked with working on a local farm. Inspired by the surrounding cornfield, they recount a well-known creepy tale of a terrifying, murderous scarecrow. They soon find that there’s some truth to the story. As darkness falls over the cornfields, a monster is out for blood and the teens must run for their lives.

This deadly thriller stars Lacey Chabert (“Party of Five,” “Baby Daddy”), Robin Dunne (“Sanctuary”) and Brittney Wilson (“Bates Motel”).

And we're giving away a copy on DVD!

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LAUREL & HARDY Dance to the DOCTOR WHO Theme Song...I Think We Need This

February 4, 2014, 7:00 am

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After a long weekend of horrible pop culture news (you know what I'm talking about) and having to filter through Facebook and Twitter feeds of nothing but opinion pieces and homages to lost-too-soon actors, it's time to watch something that doesn't leave you feeling permanently damaged inside.

So here's a video of Laurel and Hardy dancing to the Doctor Who theme song.

Treat it like Pepto-Bismol, it may taste a bit grainy, but at least it will help coat the bad feelings and allow you to enjoy your favorite activity once again...looking at the Internet.

Enjoy.

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Get Your GEEK LOVE On This Valentine's Day With Some Seriously Nerdarific V-Day Cards By PJ McQuade

February 4, 2014, 9:00 am

≫ Next: TV's 10 Most Troubled Detectives

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Valentine's Day is next week and although I won't be celebrating it (I'll be recovering from having the nerves in my spine burned off via lasers...which I feel is a much better way to celebrate a made-up holiday) there will be millions of people searching for ways to attribute a monetary value to their feelings of affection.

And, if I weren't such an asshole (and yes I'm married, I just hate Valentine's Day) I would totally send the love of my loins a card filled with sentimental tropes featuring the sexiest man alive, Lando Calrissian:

Because to me, that's how you say "I LOVE YOU" .

Of course if Lando doesn't do it for you, artist PJ McQuade has a plethora of other V-Day cards to show off your fuzzy feelings while still maintaining a pop culture-centric lifestyle.

There's the always popular Yoda/Cherub:

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TV's 10 Most Troubled Detectives

February 4, 2014, 11:00 am

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It's a well-worn TV cliché: Cops and detectives are nearly always reckless, brooding creatures with troubled pasts.

Maybe a loved one was murdered, maybe they were shot on the job, maybe they're so devoted to their jobs that they've wrecked their marriage and all chance of happiness.

There's been a long string of pessimistic, suicidal cops who are willing to die for justice, but Rustin Cohle, the bleak-philosophy-spouting cop HBO's True Detective takes the cake for being darker, more antisocial and more downright depressing than any TV detective we've ever seen before.

Not that other fictional cops haven't given him a run for his money in the depressive department.

1.  Most Nihilistic: Rustin Cohle, True Detective

“Everybody's nobody. I think the honorable thing for our species to do is deny our programming, stop reproducing, walk hand-in-hand into extinction, one last midnight, brothers and sisters opting out of a raw deal." 

Rust is played to perfection by Matthew McConaughey (who will surely have an Emmy to go with his all-but-guaranteed Oscar by this time next year) as a burnout drunk in the present and a haunted shell of a man in the past. He lost a daughter and spent four drug-fueled years undercover as a form of escape or penance. Like many a TV cop, he has a unique insight into a bizarre killing that may or may not be the work of a serial killer. His partner, Marty (Woody Harrelson) is a Good Ole Boy who has no patience for Rust's metaphysical musings. Marty incorrectly assumes Rust is religious after seeing a crucifix on the wall of his sparsely furnished apartment: No, Rust tells him, "It's a form of meditation. I contemplate the moment in the garden, the idea of allowing your own crucifixion."


2.  Most Antisocial: Alec Hardy, Broadchurch

“I hate it! I hate the air. I hate the sand. I hate the stupid people. I hate the way they work. I hate their bloody smiley bloody faces. I hate the never-ending sky!”

DI Hardy (David Tennant) is a big-city cop who's re-assigned to the small, coastal town of Broadchurch, lying low after a murder investigation went very publicly wrong. He has the bad luck to catch another high-profile murder case, and to be stuck with what he sees as an overly friendly female partner, Ellie Miller, who's never dealt with murder before. She, of course, resents his getting her job, his refusal to call her by her first name or ever say 'Thank you' or 'Hello' or engage in other social niceties. Turns out Hardy has a serious medical issue, so the job is literally killing him. Even though he hates it, he won't leave until the case is solved. When she questions how he can sleep at night with such a negative attitude of people he answers, “Who says I sleep?”


3.  Most Suicidal: John Luther, Luther

“You ever do this? Come up to a really high place and wonder what it would be like just to fall.”

“Fall or jump?”

“Same thing.”

The series starts off with Luther (Idris Elba) letting a serial killer fall to his death, then taking so much time off, his wife has taken up with another man. He's now so reckless he takes to standing on the very edge of the roof, daring gravity to pull him over as it did the men he let die. He also deliberately makes himself a target of a police-hating sniper after the case has been handed off to anti-terrorist task force.


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FOG! Chats With TODD McFARLANE!

February 4, 2014, 1:00 pm

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Interview conducted by Rick Laprade

Todd McFarlane is my hero. Since I was a little kid reading comics, McFarlane was and always has been “the guy.” His art and story lines were leaps and bounds ahead of the pack and what he and his co-founders of Image did to the industry was like what Hogan and The Outsiders did with the NWO – they forced everyone to fight to be Number 2.

When I was approached with the opportunity to interview him I thought someone was playing a cruel joke. When I found out it was legit, I resisted the urge to pee myself and spontaneously combust. I don’t get star-struck, but goddammit, this was my Mecca.

The Super Bowl being in New York made travel a nightmare. Todd was signing at Toys R Us (I couldn’t make the R backwards, but I tried) so I had to trek through seas of people attempting to photograph a piece of metal (the game trophy) and also David Beckham, who was apparently signing underwear at H&M. It was all well worth it.

What I had was a life-changing experience; less of an interview, more of student getting a one-on-one with a professor you’ve admired the better part of your life.

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Get Your Netfix on with Dario Argento's DRACULA 3D

February 4, 2014, 3:00 pm

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When the 34th Annual Razzie Award Nominations were unveiled recently, there was only one movie that was clearly snubbed...

Dario Argento's DRACULA 3D 

It's likely the film slipped from inclusion among stinkers such as The Lone Ranger and After Earth because it was so low profile.  Had it made the list, I'd easily be defending it for my other column on this site.

Dracula 3D is the very true definition of so-bad-it's-good.

Naturally, then, it has been made available for Instant View on NETFLIX faster than you can ask yourself, "do I really need to add this 3D Blu-ray to my collection?"

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BECOME A SMARTER PERSON With Hank and John Green's 'Crash Course'...Trust Me, You Need Help

February 4, 2014, 5:00 pm

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Yesterday I spent over an hour having a conversation with a neighbor about squirrels that I'm sure left both of us hoping that we never have to do that again. My neighbor, before retiring, was a well-respected commercial architect while I, well, I am a writer, so you'd think that between the two of us we could have come up with a discussion that was a bit more intellectual than yammering away about rodents who seem to use our rooftops to race one another throughout the day.

This somewhat embarrassed me (and judging by the fact that my neighbor didn't return my wave today, I'm pretty sure it wigged him out as well) so I figure I need to do something about my lack of talking points. So naturally I did what anyone who is way too lazy to actually take a course in something does...I turned to YouTube and the Green brothers (Hank and John).

Thanks to their Crash Course series of videos (that I have been binge-watching since 5am this morning) I am relatively informed on such topics as Hydrocarbon Derivatives, The Agricultural Revolution, Psychology, The Poetry of Emily Dickinson and even The Rise of Conservatism...why, it's almost as if I've added a few IQ points!

And the next time I am able to corner my neighbor in his backyard, I think he'll be pleasantly surprised to learn that I can totally converse about more diverse subjects than squirrels.

If you feel that you too need to bone up on a few facts, then take a look at a couple of my more favorite Crash Course videos and lose yourself to the wonder of knowledge...it might not get you a raise at work but at least your co-workers (or neighbors) won't think you're a moron anymore.

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Win 'I AM A MAN' Journal

February 4, 2014, 7:00 pm

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This ruled journal features the iconic work of acclaimed artist Glenn Ligon. The charged phrase, "I Am a Man," recalls the historic placards used by a group of striking African American sanitation workers in 1968, and will inspire anyone looking to make a statement in the modern world. 

And we're giving away three journals to Forces of Geek readers!

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Geekist Slots For Gaming Geeks?

February 5, 2014, 11:34 am

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If you’re a self-certified geek and you’re also a little bit on the kitsch side of things – then which are the geekiest games out there – which are also a little tongue in cheek?

Well the best form of kitsch is where the provider of the product either doesn’t know it’s something which is excessively garish or, better still, realises that some users will whilst others won’t realise this.

And the online gaming world is a rich source of material in this regard. As you might expect, online bingo is the richest of all seas to tap into – but the slots world isn’t half bad either. There are games about pretty much everything under the sun – and particularly anything which is hot in popular culture.

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WTF IS THIS? 'Conduit', by BAFTA Winning Animation Studio Sherbert, Will Totally Melt Your Brain

February 5, 2014, 7:00 am

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I don't know what this is, what it means, or why the fuck it exists, but somehow I appreciate its film noir-y feeling and inexplicable logic. I guess this horrible Winter weather has finally turned my brain goo because like it or not, I find this short animated piece kind of comforting. 

Maybe you will too...

Video after the break.

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3 Ways That the Universe Will Probably Be Destroyed...Have A Nice Day

February 5, 2014, 9:00 am

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I am not in the best of moods so sure, I'll watch a video all about how the universe will eventually be destroyed (thank god). In fact, not only will I watch it, I'll send it to some of my friends who all appear to be suffering from Seasonal Affective Disorder and will no doubt slip into a depression coma that will last until Spring upon viewing it.

Is that too evil?

Whatever. We're all gonna die anyway.

Video after the break.

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