Triple Shot With a Digital Chaser: HARLEY QUINN #1, G.I. JOE: COBRA FILES #9, ILLEGITIMATES #1 plus DIARY OF NIGHT #1

December 24, 2013, 1:00 pm

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Today, on a very special holiday edition of Triple Shot, we help Harley Quinn move into her new place, mourn the loss of one of our favorite G.I. Joe titles, introduce the family to The Illegitimates plus read a different kind of vampire diary at ComiXology with Diary of Night #1.



  

HARLEY QUINN #1
WRITTEN BY: Amanda Conner, Jimmy Palmiotti
ART: Chad Hardin
Publication Date: December 18, 2013
Price: $2.99
Publisher: DC Comics
UPC: 76194131887500111
Buy it HERE

Since Death of the Family, the Joker has been missing, presumed dead.  And Harley herself kicked off the New 52 by starring in Suicide Squad.

Last month, Amanda Conner and Jimmy Palmiotti gave Dr. Quinzel her own book in the form of an anthology introduction, Harley Quinn #0 with too many guest artists to even fit on the cover.

This month, the story takes off as we recommend Conner & Palmiotti’s new Harley Quinn #1 with series artist Chad Hardin. Harley rides a Harley into her new apartment in Coney Island left to her by an Arkham patient.

The series is off to a great start, and plenty of action and storytelling in this debut issue.

A Danzig lookalike Big Tony helps get her acquainted to the neighborhood just as she finds out she’ll still have some responsibilities in the building as landlord, mostly financial concerns. She applies to become a doctor in residence at a nursing home with some dangerous patients, and on the next page she is pwning a roller derby team tryout!

Fun stuff to watch Harley start over in the New 52, and also to explore her therapeutic side as she rekindles her practice.

But also this is fun because she hits people with a big wooden mallet.

Excited to see where this goes!


Read more »

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SANTA AND THE ICE CREAM BUNNY: A Holiday Film So Messed Up It'll Ruin Xmas For Everyone

December 24, 2013, 3:00 pm

≫ Next: Happy Holidays

≪ Previous: Triple Shot With a Digital Chaser: HARLEY QUINN #1, G.I. JOE: COBRA FILES #9, ILLEGITIMATES #1 plus DIARY OF NIGHT #1

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If you aren't in the mood to watch a marathon of the beloved Xmas film A Christmas Story this year but do want to put something on that is festive (albeit disturbing), then I have a surprise for you, Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny.

It's a story about Santa's sleigh getting stuck in the Florida sand and how that lazy bastard uses child labor and farm animals to try and get his fat ass free (although why he doesn't just get off the sled and push it five feet is beyond me). The children fail in their task and Santa, being a weird and creepy bastard, soothes their wounded pride BY TELLING THEM A FUCKED-UP TALE ABOUT THUMBELINA....For An Hour...In Real Time...Because that makes perfect sense.

Yep, this is one holiday classic you will wish TBS would run for 24-hours next year.

After the break is the entire flm for your viewing pleasure.

Merry Xmas!

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Happy Holidays

December 24, 2013, 9:01 pm

≫ Next: 'GRUDGE MATCH' (review)

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'GRUDGE MATCH' (review)

December 24, 2013, 9:15 pm

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≪ Previous: Happy Holidays

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Review by Clay N Ferno

Produced by Peter Segal, Michael Ewing, Bill Gerber, 

Mark Steven Johnson, Ravi D. Mehta

Screenplay by Doug Ellin, Tim Kelleher, Rodney Rothman

Directed by Peter Segal

Starring Robert De Niro, Sylvester Stallone, Kevin Hart, 

Alan Arkin, Kim Basinger, Jon Bernthal

Somehow, Jake “Raging Bull” LaMotta and Rocky Balboa are pitted against each other in a fight to end a 30 year rivalry while both are in their golden years.

Grudge Match is directed by Peter Segal and surprises audiences with funny performances by DeNiro and Stallone alongside Kevin Hart, Alan Arkin and Kim Basinger.  This Christmas release is funnier and classier than the initial pitch sounds, with family moments and longtime rivalries being at the center of the tension in the film.

An ersatz sequel to Rocky Balboa (2006), this comedy starts with a theme of that movie.


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'HER' (review)

December 24, 2013, 9:30 pm

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Review by Caitlyn Thompson

Produced by Megan Ellison, Spike Jonze, Vincent Landay

Written and Directed by Spike Jonze

Starring Joaquin Phoenix, Amy Adams, Rooney Mara,

Olivia Wilde, Scarlett Johansson, Chris Pratt

In Her, Spike Jonze executes an incredible (and new) love story based around the evolution of computer technology.

Operating systems are completely fluid extensions of human beings. No buttons, no wires, just vocal communication and touch-screens. People walk around looking as though they are talking to themselves but they are connected online with ear-buds.  Everyone is together but disconnected.

Her is a complex perspective on the inevitable trends of digital communication.

It’s difficult to create a film that exists in the near future. You can’t fall back on standard sci-fi tropes like metallic jump suits, aliens, or luxury trips to the moon.

In Her, the future shows the logical extension of current trends in computer technology.

It is so palpable as to inspire product envy in the viewer.

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'THE SECRET LIFE OF WALTER MITTY' (review)

December 24, 2013, 9:45 pm

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Review by Clay N Ferno

Produced by Samuel Goldwyn, Jr., John Goldwyn, 

Stuart Cornfeld, Ben Stiller

Screenplay by Steve Conrad

Based on The Secret Life of Walter Mitty by James Thurber

Directed by Ben Stiller

Starring Ben Stiller, Kristen Wiig, Shirley MacLaine, 

Adam Scott, Kathryn Hahn, Sean Penn, Patton Oswalt

Ben Stiller stars in and directs The Secret Life of Walter Mitty, in theaters this Christmas Day.

Mitty works at LIFE Magazine in the mundane but important position as the print publication's archivist, made even more important as the cancellation of the magazine has become imminent.

In a series of daydreaming fugue states and real life adventures, Walter Mitty is a comedy that is also full of action as Walter’s job threatens to end, his crush is unrequited and his family struggles to make ends meet.


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'THE WOLF OF WALL STREET' (review)

December 24, 2013, 10:00 pm

≫ Next: Endings and Beginnings – Bidding a Fond Farewell to FOG! and Welcoming a Nerdy New Child

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Review by Benn Robbins

Produced by Martin Scorsese, Leonardo DiCaprio,

Riza Aziz, Joey McFarland, Emma Koskoff

Screenplay by Terence Winter

Based on The Wolf of Wall Street by Jordan Belfort

Directed by Martin Scorsese

Starring Leonardo DiCaprio, Jonah Hill, Matthew McConaughey, 
Jean Dujardin, Margot Robbie, Kyle Chandler, 
Rob Reiner, Jon Favreau, Jon Bernthal, 
Cristin Milioti, Spike Jonze, Joanna Lumley

Martin Scorsese’s The Wolf of Wall Street is a fast-paced, frenetic take on the rise and fall of Wall Street’s Jordan Belfort.

This film is going to do for boiler rooms and stock brokers what 1990s Goodfellas did for heists and wise guys.

Playing on a similar structure and story-telling style familiar to both the director and his audience, from Goodfellas, Scorsese nails the cocaine and quailude fueled world of corporate greed and excess that is high finance and Wall Street wheeling and dealing.

He has pulled out all the stops in his use of stylized camera work, almost perfect use of sound, and the amazing editing of long-time collaborator, Thelma Schoonmaker, to immerse the audience in the insanity and decadence of Belfort’s world. 

Leonardo DiCaprio delivers a tour de force performance as Belfort.  Personally, I think this is his best performance of his career so far.

Read more »

Endings and Beginnings – Bidding a Fond Farewell to FOG! and Welcoming a Nerdy New Child

December 31, 2013, 7:00 am

≫ Next: POO-POURRI Has Arrived! Now Everyone Can Drop a Deuce in Public!

≪ Previous: 'THE WOLF OF WALL STREET' (review)

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I guess this is the end.

After over three years of writing weekly and monthly columns here at the illustrious website known as www.ForcesofGeek.com, I am humbly and sadly stepping down and, believe me, this wasn’t an easy decision.

I’ve enjoyed the hell out of writing for FOG! and having never really tried my hand at comedy/entertainment type stuff, I was nervous but had great guidance from Chief Blitz, and strong encouragement from my small, but very loyal readership.  But at the time of this writing, I have a new child on the way—imminent arrival as they say—and it’s time for me to take a little break from the rigors of writing both here and at www.NerdtopiaCast.com and to put all of my focus and attention on my wife and children.

For those who have been reading my Danger Rooms and All Along the Watchtower columns, first of all, thank you. 

And second of all, for you, this is old news, but feel free to read on anyway because I’d love to have your company just one last time.

OK, folks, gather ‘round and listen to the crazy guy so he can just go away.

In saying goodbye, I’d like to share some brief letters of farewell, thanks, and well wishes to some special people.

Read more »

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POO-POURRI Has Arrived! Now Everyone Can Drop a Deuce in Public!

December 31, 2013, 9:32 am

≫ Next: WATCH THIS Awesome Animated Short 'I Hate You Red Light'

≪ Previous: Endings and Beginnings – Bidding a Fond Farewell to FOG! and Welcoming a Nerdy New Child

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As someone who has never pinched a loaf in a public toilet (unless I have to make a choice between a stall and my pants), I completely understand the horror of allowing one's anus the freedom to launch a poo missile while someone is next to you peeing. The sound of the splat is enough to send shivers down your spine, but ultimately it is the smell that will end up branding you as a disgusting human being and well, what kind of person subjects others to the creamy aroma of last night's Mexican food anyway right?

But fear not "no poo" freaks, for along comes a product that will make crapping shame free, Poo-Pourri. Yes it's been around for a while now and you've probably seen the bottle at your local Hallmark (where they seem to be sold for some reason) but if you aren't familiar with it, check out the advert below and make a brand new New Year's resolution to stop walking around work with your sphincter plugged up by will alone.

It is finally going to be okay to drop off the kids at the swimming pool...if you know what I mean. 

Video after the break.

Read more »

WATCH THIS Awesome Animated Short 'I Hate You Red Light'

December 31, 2013, 11:00 am

≫ Next: Get Your January netFIX... LATEST NETFLIX RECOMMENDATIONS

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This incredible piece of nostalgia-heavy animation from the folks at 1881 Animation looks and feels like one of those old info-tainment Disney shorts that would show up on Saturday afternoons on TV, narrated by Walt himself.

The ones I remember the most were all about insects or animals, but this one, well, this particular short deals with man's most heinous of adversaries, the Traffic Light.

Superbly directed and awesomely animated, I Hate You Red Light is a great piece that is most definitely going to end up on some "Best of" animation lists.

Check it out after the break.

Read more »

Get Your January netFIX... LATEST NETFLIX RECOMMENDATIONS

December 31, 2013, 1:00 pm

≫ Next: TARDIS on The COSMIC TREADMILL – A Look at IDW's 'DOCTOR WHO 2013 SPECIAL #1'

≪ Previous: WATCH THIS Awesome Animated Short 'I Hate You Red Light'

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As we boldly enter the year 2014 and come to peace with the 30th anniversary(?!) of Gremlins, Ghostbusters and Beverly Hills Cop, I thought I'd pick out some of the best movies of 2013 currently streaming on Netflix.

2013 was a great year for documentaries, indie films and, frankly, Netflix in general.

With their original television series gaining attention, the company announced the acquisition and production of their own documentary movies, in fact.

While Hollywood films tend to have longer windows to their premiere on Netflix, there are still plenty of titles launching close to their DVD release, in HD no less.

FRANCIS HA
starring Greta Gerwig, Mickey Sumner, Adam Driver
directed by Noah Baumbach

I have to admit that I avoided this one in its theatrical run, mainly because its marketing and buzz gave me Girls vibes.  As in HBO Girls.  Not a fan.   

Francis Ha, however is the real deal.

It's an efficient indie film, centered around a free-spirit main character in New York City.

But Greta Gerwig is someone to fall in love with in her portrayal of Frances.  I also found it laugh-out-loud funny at times, with its all-knowing dialogue and a ego.

There's a moment halfway through the film where Frances dances her way through the busy streets of Manhattan to David Bowie's Modern Love.  Shot digitally in beautiful black and white, it's one of the year's most perfect sequences.


Read more »

TARDIS on The COSMIC TREADMILL – A Look at IDW's 'DOCTOR WHO 2013 SPECIAL #1'

December 31, 2013, 3:00 pm

≫ Next: Happy New Year! Welcome 2014!

≪ Previous: Get Your January netFIX... LATEST NETFLIX RECOMMENDATIONS

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After a visit to the town called Christmas in the Time of the Doctor, Who fans are sure to miss Matt Smith as the Eleventh Doctor.

Just the day before, on Tuesday, December 45th, IDW Publishing marked its regeneration cycle by releasing a 53 page year end special in tribute not only to Matt but to the publisher’s claim to the Time Lord.

Since 2008, IDW was the first US publisher to have the comic rights through the BBC to new stories with the tenth and eleventh doctors, and this book is a sign off for them. Written by longtime Doctor Who television and comics writer Paul Cornell and drawn by Jimmy Braxton (Cornell’s partner on Batman: Knight and Squire).

Rarely does a single issue deem itself worthy of a run on the Cosmic Treadmill, but as the New Year, a new Doctor, and the next 50 years of Doctor Who are all converging on a timey wimey convergence, this one is definitely worth picking up.

Read more »

Happy New Year! Welcome 2014!

January 1, 2014, 11:11 am

≫ Next: THE MUSIC MODEM: The Sounds of Connecting to the Internet Just Went Old Skool

≪ Previous: TARDIS on The COSMIC TREADMILL – A Look at IDW's 'DOCTOR WHO 2013 SPECIAL #1'

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Wishing you the best in 2014.

THE MUSIC MODEM: The Sounds of Connecting to the Internet Just Went Old Skool

January 2, 2014, 7:00 am

≫ Next: NEED A BOOST To Start The New Year Off Right? Let Writer Charles Bukowski Help You Out...And No It Doesn't Involve Booze, Sorry

≪ Previous: Happy New Year! Welcome 2014!

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For those of you who don't know the awkward shame of trying to surf the web for disgusting porn while the screeching sounds of dial-up alerted all those who share your abode to your perversions, let me share with you the trauma of what it was like to try and see two people fornicating in baked beans back in the mid-to-late 90s at 3am:


Yeah, it was nearly impossible to not wake up everyone.

But there is a certain nostalgia for those days of yore when the Internet was still a young thing and that sound of hooking into the World Wide Web was a sweet, albeit annoying, musical interlude of screeching. And for those of you who sometimes miss that Nails-on-a-Blackboard-like sound of the Internet, may I present the Music Modem. It won't send you to an AOL chat room but you can certainly annoy all the young 'uns in your life simply by pressing some buttons.

The Music Modem features 3 modes, 5 tones, and 8 notes (full octave) that will cover the gamut of all the various modems that you once owned, thus creating a wall of horrific sound that will push anyone younger than 30 into a psychotic breakdown (oh the fun).

After the break is a lovely video of how the Music Modem works and why you should buy it.

Read more »

NEED A BOOST To Start The New Year Off Right? Let Writer Charles Bukowski Help You Out...And No It Doesn't Involve Booze, Sorry

January 2, 2014, 9:00 am

≫ Next: More 'THE DAY THE CLOWN CRIED' Footage Surfaces

≪ Previous: THE MUSIC MODEM: The Sounds of Connecting to the Internet Just Went Old Skool

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We might be just two days into the New Year but for a lot of us the pressure to make a real change in our lives has us fully gripped by a deep existential terror. I mean, how are to supposed to make any strides into re-vamping ourselves when we know that we will inevitably succumb to an all-encompassing lethargy by mid-February?

Well, sometimes you need to look for strength from an outside source to push you toward those unattainable goals that you set for yourself (Seriously? You're putting Lose 50 pounds back on your list? Again?). And I can't think of a more perfect person to grab you by the throat and bitch-slap you into becoming a better person than poet/novelist Charles Bukowski and his poem All the Way.

While you should most definitely find the written poem and hang it on your wall for inspiration during those dark moments when you re-consider the whole "Bettering Yourself" proposition, I know that we have evolved into a more visual society, so after the break is a filmed version of the poem (directed by Willem Martinot) that you can put on a continuous loop whenever you feel the need to lay in your bed and never get up again.

2014 is going to be your year people...but if it's not, well, there's always 2015.

Read more »

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More 'THE DAY THE CLOWN CRIED' Footage Surfaces

January 2, 2014, 11:00 am

≫ Next: Drawn This Way: Sexiness and Sexism in Female Superhero Characters

≪ Previous: NEED A BOOST To Start The New Year Off Right? Let Writer Charles Bukowski Help You Out...And No It Doesn't Involve Booze, Sorry

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Years before Roberto Benigni mocked the Holocaust with Life is Beautiful, American icon Jerry Lewis took a crack at his lighter look at Nazi Germany with The Day The Clown Cried.

Directed and starring Lewis back in 1972, the film focused on  a circus clown (Lewis) who is imprisoned in a Nazi concentration camp, who takes on the task of leading children into the gas chambers hoping to alleviate their fears.

Sounds fun, huh?

The film was a bit of a mess, with the production running out of money and the final product's actual ownership in contention.  According to Lewis himself, "You will never see it. No one will ever see it, because I am embarrassed at the poor work."

A bit of a holy grail among cinegeeks, the film has been publicly, but has been screened at least a few times.  Comedian Harry Shearer saw it in 1979; "With most of these kinds of things, you find that the anticipation, or the concept, is better than the thing itself. But seeing this film was really awe-inspiring, in that you are rarely in the presence of a perfect object. This was a perfect object. This movie is so drastically wrong, its pathos and its comedy are so wildly misplaced, that you could not, in your fantasy of what it might be like, improve on what it really is. "Oh My God!" — that's all you can say."

Last August, some of the first behind the scenes footage leaked online for the first time and just this morning, our friends over at TV Store Online tipped us off that additional footage has been released, now totaling fourteen minutes (as well as the very first look ever of the film itself).


After the jump, read the screenplay for this car wreck or even better, invite some friends over and stage a reading.

Clown makeup and swastikas not included.

Read more »

Drawn This Way: Sexiness and Sexism in Female Superhero Characters

January 2, 2014, 1:00 pm

≫ Next: Cinema's Girls Gone Wild – Plus, Win 'CARRIE' on Blu-ray!

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For those of you who know me or have read this column for a while, you know that I like my superhero comics.

I've been reading of superheroic exploits for the past 23-plus years. In that time, I have seen my world of outlandishly clad characters and copious sound effects move from object of nerdly ridicule to multimillion-dollar Hollywood blockbusters.

But there's one thing that never seems to change when I discuss my enjoyment of supers, and that's the reactions I get regarding the female characters in my funny books.

The parade of hyperdeveloped, pneumatic beauties gracing covers in skin-tight and skin-revealing outfits peddled to an adolescent male gaze has drawn everything from feminist indignation to snickering derision, with a sprinkling of ain't-that-cool rather than that-ain't-cool.

I don't fault any of those reactions.

Not in a sexist society that places too much focus and value on looks for women, and catering to the fantasies of men. In a society that fuels the cosmetic surgery industry attempting to filter the looks of all women into the two percent who look like Nordic swimsuit models.

It doesn't matter that the superpowered men in modern comics all have physiques attainable for a lucky few, too. Very few men are 6-foot-4, 225 pounds with a 50-inch chest like Superman. For the most part, men's looks are not held up as the primary method of estimating their value. That is the difference.

So it's been a bit ironic that the super-men have ruled the Hollywood blockbusters. (I heard many a fangirl squee with delight at a screening of The Avengers.) Yet there are barely any super-women in the club.

We can't even get a proper Wonder Woman live-action project off the ground. The sexy women, however, have stayed on the page, fueling fanboys and cosplay women.

But the fact is that I like my superhero comics when done well, and they're gonna have women in them. I end up half-apologist, half-angry. I at least try to put my money where my mouth is when it comes to how female characters are represented in mainstream superhero comics.

(A lot of indie comics, by the way, have TONS of diversity and real-life depictions of women. But they're not what people – especially non-readers – are commenting on when they talk about female characters in comics. So let's get stick with supers.)

Here's what I like, and what I don't.


Read more »

Cinema's Girls Gone Wild – Plus, Win 'CARRIE' on Blu-ray!

January 2, 2014, 3:00 pm

≫ Next: Triple Shot With a Digital Chaser: HARLEY QUINN #1, G.I. JOE: #12, SUPERIOR FOES OF SPIDER-MAN #7, INDESTRUCTIBLE HULK #17 plus KAMI #1

≪ Previous: Drawn This Way: Sexiness and Sexism in Female Superhero Characters

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Fear her power! Unleash the telekinetic horror when CARRIE debuts on Digital HD January 3 and on Blu-ray and DVD January 14 from Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer Studios and Twentieth Century Fox Home Entertainment. An exhilarating reimagining of Stephen King’s iconic best-seller from director Kimberly Peirce (Boys Don’t Cry, Stop-Loss), this tale of small town terror stars Chloë Grace Moretz (Kick-Ass 2, Dark Shadows) and Julianne Moore (Don Jon, Game Change).

Carrie is a reimagining of the classic horror tale about Carrie White (Chloë Grace Moretz), a shy girl outcast by her peers and sheltered by her deeply religious mother (Julianne Moore), who unleashes telekinetic terror on her small town after being pushed too far at her senior prom. 

Showcasing over an hour of heart-pounding exclusive special features, the CARRIE Blu-ray includes behind-the-scenes featurettes, commentary from director Peirce, deleted and extended scenes, the hit “Telekinetic Coffee Shop Surprise” viral video and an alternate ending that is sure to keep fans on the edge of their seat!

CARRIE Blu-ray Special Features:

• Feature Film With Alternate Ending
• “Bringing Back Carrie” Featurette
• Deleted/Extended Scenes with Commentary by Director Kimberly Peirce
• Commentary by Director Kimberly Peirce
• The Power of Telekinesis
• Telekinetic Coffee Shop Surprise
• Theatrical Trailer

After the jump check out a list of women compiled by our friends at 20th Century Fox who have walked the fine line between wild and crazy in Hollywood films plus learn how to enter to win a copy of Carrie on Blu-ray!

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Triple Shot With a Digital Chaser: HARLEY QUINN #1, G.I. JOE: #12, SUPERIOR FOES OF SPIDER-MAN #7, INDESTRUCTIBLE HULK #17 plus KAMI #1

January 2, 2014, 5:00 pm

≫ Next: OOPS: 10 Ways A Condom Can't Protect You

≪ Previous: Cinema's Girls Gone Wild – Plus, Win 'CARRIE' on Blu-ray!

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Happy New Year!  We hope you get to make your regularly scheduled trip to the comic store this week and when you do, take into consideration this Triple Shot!

G.I. Joe gets a new writer that explores the origins of different Cobra Commanders past and present, the new Beetle’s origin starts at a birthday party years ago in The Superior Foes of Spider-Man, and Hulk gets mad when people start invading his space in Indestructible Hulk #17.

Kami is a nice quick chaser over at ComiXology.

G.I. JOE #12
WRITER: Paul Allor
ART: Alex Cal, Steve Kurth
Publication Date: December 31, 2013
Price: $3.99
Publisher: IDW Publishing
UPC: 82771400431101211
Buy it HERE

It is no surprise to anyone that I am a fanatical G.I. Joe fan, I literally wear it on my sleeve in the form of an Arashikage tattoo.

Larry Hama’s Marvel run (continuing to date over at IDW) is what got me into comics, and the reboot of the franchise at IDW has impressed and compelled me to write about the multiple IDW series from the get go.

That was because names like Chuck Dixon, Hama, Christos Gage, Mike Costa and Fred Van Lente were carrying on the legacy.


Sure, the main series has had its low points but in general, overall I have been happy.

To my surprise, a guest on my podcast, a relative unknown writer in the scheme of things, Paul Allor was tapped to take over for Fred Van Lente on Season 3 after his departure. Allor cut his teeth in Comics Experience (online classes led by former Joe Editor Andy Schmidt) and quickly got pro work on several TMNT titles.

Allor is picking up on a Gage and Costa concept from G.I. Joe: Cobra in which the Cobra organization has been around for centuries. Like an anonymous Pope, one Commander is replaced by the next, hiding his identity.

This book tells the story of at least two Commanders, not including the present day as C.C. hires a Press Agent to tell the story behind Cobra.

Taking over for one of comics hottest writers, Fred Van Lente can not be easy, and I am delighted to say Paul Allor pulls it off! I can’t wait for the next issue, and more ghosts of Cobra Commanders past!


Read more »

OOPS: 10 Ways A Condom Can't Protect You

January 2, 2014, 7:00 pm

≫ Next: HOW TO DECIDE WHERE TO ESCAPE To During A Zombie Apocalypse

≪ Previous: Triple Shot With a Digital Chaser: HARLEY QUINN #1, G.I. JOE: #12, SUPERIOR FOES OF SPIDER-MAN #7, INDESTRUCTIBLE HULK #17 plus KAMI #1

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Just so you understand, a condom, while a good way to help prevent babies and sexually transmitted diseases, is not a fail-safe for all of life's complications. While it may keep you from contracting chlamydia from a one-night stand, it will in no way save you from say, a velociraptor attack or Miley Cyrus.

If you still have questions, watch the video after the break and remember, "Knowing is Half the Battle" (the other 50% cosists of 25% red lasers and 25% blue lasers).

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