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ORANGE IS THE NEW BLACK: "Moscow Mule" S1E8 (Review)

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by Elizabeth Weitz
If I can stop one heart from breaking, I shall not live in vain; If I can ease one life the aching, Or cool one pain, Or help one fainting robin Unto his nest again, I shall not live in vain.

The poem If I Can Stop One Heart From Breaking by Emily Dickinson kept running through my head throughout this particular episode of Orange Is the New Black like a protective mantra for the characters. I knew that repeating these lines wouldn't do anything, after-all it's just a television show and I am not stupid, but there was something about it that sparked my involuntary poetry Tourette Syndrome, an interesting ailment that I used to suffer from when I was a kid and things would start to break apart. I thought that if only I could get all the lines from a poem out fast enough, then, perhaps the center might indeed hold (to mangle Yeats) and somehow I would be protected.

As a kid, this seemed possible.

As an adult I know differently.

And in Litchfield prison the allegory that runs quietly beneath the lives of the guards and prisoners is one of constant breaking; be it body, soul, mind or, in the literal sense, physical.

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ComiXwriter™ Comic Writing Software Kickstarter Needs Your Support! But Wait, There's More...

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The comic book medium is perhaps the only art form besides the movies where a large percentage of it's fan base wants to be involved in some capacity professionally.

For years would be screenwriters have had a number of resources to draw upon for assistance, but comic book writers have had little technological support.

Until now.

ComiXwriter will be the world's first software solely dedicated to writing scripts for comic books and graphic novels.

In the comic book world, the script writing options have been limited to a time consuming word processor or an expensive screenwriting program that doesn't fulfill all the specialized needs of comics. No longer. ComiXwriter will be a more affordable, easy to use comprehensive tool that will not only automate the necessary structure, but will include features allowing the writer to collaborate more effectively with the artist, colorist and letterer.

And with just over two days left, the Kickstarter needs your support to raise the last $4,000 to turn this into a reality.

But there are two things that make ComiXwriter different.

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BILL PLYMPTON's Feature Film CHEATIN' Gets A Trailer

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I absolutely love animator Bill Plympton's languid and bizarre style and am ecstatic that, after a successful Kickstarter campaign, his animated feature film Cheatin' will soon see the light of day.

Which is pretty amazing considering that Plympton drew all 40,000 frames himself (although he did have a staff of ten who helped with the compositing)...Christ, my hand is cramping just thinking about it.

The synopsis of the film sounds better than anything that Hollywood is putting out and is weird enough to appeal to every revenge-loving freak:

 In a fateful bumper car collision, Jake and Ella meet and become the most loving couple in the long history of Romance. But when a scheming “other” woman drives a wedge of jealousy into their perfect courtship, insecurity and hatred spell out an untimely fate. With only the help of a disgraced magician and his forbidden “soul machine”, Ella takes the form of Jake's numerous lovers, desperately fighting through malfunction and deceit as they try to reclaim their destiny. 

I can't wait...

Trailer after the break.

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THE MASTER OF SUSPENSE: AN ALFRED HITCHCOCK PRIMER

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Alfred Hitchcock made A LOT of movies.

We've heard of many of them, we've seen a few of them, but when it comes to really nailing things down - really describing what makes Hitchcock so great - we tend to balk because of the sheer volume that lies before us.


This is understandable. Most Hitchcock films benefit from being compared with each other; the whole is greater than the sum of the parts. Hitchcock worked closely with his screenwriters, composers, and set designers. With few exceptions - such as PSYCHO or THE BIRDS which could stand alone - it's best to watch Hitchcock films in bunches, to watch for common qualities.

So where to begin?

I'll try to make things clear and easy. Below, I'll note 10 common qualities of Hitchcock films. Then, because Hitchcock was fond of the number 13, I'll recommend 13 films to watch.

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EVER WONDER How to Deal With A Soul-Sucking Job Interview? Then You Might Want to Pick Up A Few Tips From the Short Film 'INTERVIEW WITH AN APPLICANT'

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As we all know the interview process for a new job is very much like a first date. You bring to the table the very best version of yourself and hope to Chewbacca that no one decides to look at your Facebook profile before hiring you.

But what would happen if you simply were your true self? Would it make a difference in getting the job? 

Well, if you were this particular applicant, it does.

So take a look at the short film (by Marty Hill and Paul Del Vecchio) after the break and yeah, you're going to want to take some notes.

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HALLOWEEN 35TH ANNIVERSARY Blu-ray Coming September 24th from Anchor Bay Entertainment!

Get Ready For 'THE WOLVERINE' By Watching Everything Wrong With the Original X-Men Movie in Five Minutes or Less

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WHY CAN NO ONE GET ANYTHING RIGHT!!!!!!!

I know going in, that for the most part, comic-book inspired movies are created for an audience who have never read the comic in their life, with just a few "inside comic geek moments" sprinkled throughout the film to keep the real fans from whining too much.

Maybe this is why the X-Men movies (and yes, even the first Wolverine movie) didn't get me as riled up as my friends who reacted to these flicks like born-again Christians protesting outside a screening of The Last Temptation of Christ.

I am already aware they are going to suck, so mentally, I'm prepared.

But it doesn't hurt to look back at them every now and again to laugh at some of the more ridiculous plot points and misfires that occurred and, thanks to the Everything Wrong web-series, it makes those obvious mistakes a little easier to swallow.

So pull up a chair and get yourself psyched for another reboot of a character who no one seems to understand.

Don't worry, it'll only hurt a little bit.

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That Time of The Week: New DVD & Blu-Ray Releases The Week of 7/21

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So, Comic-Con is over and it's time to decompress a bit.  What better way than by sitting back drinking a cool beverage, cranking the AC, ordering a pizza and watching some of the magic below.

This week, there are several must sees including the latest MST3K release, Rosario Dawson playing femme fatale in Trance, some rare Jack Benny, Paul Walker behind the wheel, some female standup featuring the ridiculously funny Amy Schumer and an opportunity to have your very own Shark Week.

Fire up that queue and prep that shopping cart and check out the latest releases!

Mystery Science Theater 3000: XXVII

Shout! Factory / Released 7/23/13
There may be no finer—and certainly no funnier--meditation on monsters than this collection of episodes from the cult comedy series Mystery Science Theater 3000. As food for thought, we are served subterranean slime people, giant praying mantis’, Soviet spies and--perhaps the most terrifying of all--enormous teenagers from the disturbing menu of America’s twisted psyche. Battling these Goliaths for us with their slingshots of sass and silliness are Joel, Mike and their robot henchmen Tom Servo and Crow. The monsters are gruesome and the movies even more so, but the riffs are risible and retaliatory, proving definitively that revenge is actually a dish best served funny.

Mystery Science Theater 3000: XXVII brings us The Slime People, wherein nuclear testing has driven a race of subterranean creatures up through the sewers of Los Angeles, and after defeating the military, they erect a dome out of fog over the city to preserve an inhabitable atmosphere. A small band of heroes-in-the-making, stranded inside the dome, must fight to survive; Rocket Attack U.S.A ; a propagandistic film about a nuclear attack on New York City being planned by the scariest monster of the atomic age-The Communist; Village Of The Giants, wherein MST3K mainstay Bert I. Gordon brings to life a tale of the inventor (played by Ron Howard) of a goo that causes animals to grow to many times their natural size. When some rebellious teenagers steal and consume his concoction, they take over the town, the generation gap takes a turn for the worse; and The Deadly Mantis, a film that attempts to answer the age-old question “How can insects and movie lovers be the victims of a single hate crime?” this 1957 knockoff of the much more agreeable Them! proves once again that nuclear testing simply isn’t for everyone.

Extras include an introduction by Mary Jo Pehl, an all-new featurette Chasing Rosebud: The Cinematic Life Of William Alland, Life After MST3K: Trace Beaulieu, an interview with Village of the Giants star Joy Harmon, an interview with The Slime People star Judith Fraser (Judee Morton), original trailers and four exclusive Mini-Posters by artist Steve Vance.

Trance 

20th Century Fox / Released 7/23/13
After a blow to the head during his attempted robbery of a $27 million Goya painting, Simon (James McAvoy), a fine-art auctioneer, awakens to find that the painting - and his memory - are missing. Forced by his ruthless crime partner Franck (Vincent Cassel) to undergo hypnosis, Simon enters into a deadly love triangle with his seductive hypnotist (Rosario Dawson). As the plot twists, the line between reality and dream becomes blurred in this fast-paced, unpredictable thriller.  Extras include making of, Danny Boyle Retrospective, Short Film: Eugene By Spencer Susser and Deleted Scenes.

The Jack Benny Program: The Lost Episodes

Shout! Factory / Released 7/23/13
Here at last are 18 long-lost episodes - unseen since their original broadcast - that have been lovingly restored by the UCLA Film & Television Archive that celebrates the enduring heart, soul and wit of this American icon. This first of its kind set features 18 episodes of the beloved program — unseen since their original broadcast.

In addition to the recurring character lineup of Jack, Don, Mary and Eddie “Rochester” Anderson; The Jack Benny Program: The Lost Episodes also features a superb lineup of guest stars including Natalie Wood, Red Skelton, Gary Cooper, George Burns, John Wayne, Dick Van Dyke, Billy Graham, Milton Berle, Tony Curtis and President Harry Truman.

Extras include excerpts from the Jack Benny color television specials, an new interview with Harry Shearer, director Norman Abbott and Benny’s secretary Dorothy Ohman; newsreels featuring rare footage from the 1930s and ’40s, a 16-page booklet and much more.

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CONTEST! Get Your Action Movie Fix This Summer with FANDANGO’S SUMMER OF ACTION!

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Summer movies means big movies!

Don’t miss any of the summer’s most explosive action movies. Start your movie mission now - find Pacific Rim, The Wolverine, Elysium plus more action movie trailers, showtimes, tickets and offers on Fandango!

There are still plenty of action movies left in July & August including The Wolverine (July 26), 2 Guns (Aug 2), Elysium (Aug 9), Kick-Ass 2 (Aug 16), Getaway (Aug 30) and more!


And to celebrate these kick-ass movies we're giving away a Summer of Action movie prize pack!

The Winner will receive:
  • $30 Fandango Movie Tickets
  • $50 Visa gift card
(Prize pack value $80. Courtesy of Fandango)

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Help Some Former DISNEY Animators/Producers Fund Their Independant Feature Film 'ART STORY' Via Kickstarter

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Animator Aaron Blaise (The Lion King, Aladdin, Beauty and The Beast) and Producer Chuck Williams (Brother Bear, Little Mermaid, Beauty and the Beast) are bringing their knowledge and experience of animation to the public to help them fund a full-length animated feature film called Art Story.

The movie revolves around the story of..."an 11-year-old, meticulous boy, WALT, and his crazy, loopy GRANDPA -- two complete opposites -- who get stuck in a vast, imaginative WORLD OF PAINTINGS. Inside, they cross paths with a ruthless painted character determined to make it into our world. In order to get home and stop the villain, Walt and Grandpa have to set aside their differences, work together and navigate worlds where the rules can change around every corner".

Sounds good to me.

Whether photobombing famous paintings like "American Gothic" by Grant Wood (above), slipping into the serene setting of "Christina's World" by Andrew Wyeth below:



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All Things Godzilla

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The year was 1954, and we were smack dab in the middle of what anyone with even half a brain when discussing such matters, would describe as the cinematic pinnacle of the science fiction genre.  We were also in the middle of what anyone with even half a brain when discussing such matters, would describe as the paranoid pinnacle of the Cold War.

Put these two things together and what do you get?  Well, you get the King of the Monsters, that's what!

You get Godzilla!!


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WRITE A NOVEL IN BED...Or On It

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As a writer, I spend a lot of time in bed typing away on my computer and basically soaking in my own filth. And while I can appreciate those writers who get up every morning and go into a dedicated office and sit at a desk for eight hours a day (as if it were a regular job), I am somewhat lazier and tend to enjoy napping in between bursts of creativity (I'm like a cat that way).

Now, I'm not saying that my way of doing things is better (they are) than people who are actually able to make a living writing (fuck them) but it works for me and so, in bed I will stay.

However, even lying down on feather pillows with a carafe of cucumber-flavored spring water on my bedside table isn't always enough to spark an essay or short story, so perhaps draping my bed in Notebook-like linens (that you can actually write on with Washable Fabric markers) might help those mini-writer's blocks that pop up from time to time whenever I am confronted by a blank page and blinking cursor.

And just think how handy it will be if I need to jot something down in the dead of night and can't find a piece of paper...


Even better, if you happen to be friends with artist Michael Scoggins (who just so happens to create large works of art on over-size notebook paper he constructs himself):


You might be able to entice him to come to your house and draw something on your bed (I have beer Michael).

These linens keep getting better and better.....

Click HERE to order yours.

Source: Kid Crave

Triple Shot: THE ROCKETEER & THE SPIRIT #1, ARMY OF DARKNESS VS. HACK/SLASH #1, THE SUPERIOR SPIDER-MAN #14

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Mark Waid continues his winning streak and takes to the skies by pairing up The Rocketeer and The Spirit;  we get our groovy on with S-Mart employee of the month—housewares, 1999—Ash as he joins the Hack/Slash universe written by Tim Seeley and witness an even more unlikely team-up of Superior Spider-Man and J. Jonah Jameson in this week’s Triple Shot!


THE ROCKETEER & THE SPIRIT #1
WRITER: Mark Waid
ART: Paul Smith
Publication Date: July 24, 2013
Price: $3.99
Publisher: IDW Publishing / DC Comics
UPC: 82771400477900111
Buy it HERE

Have you also been watching The Aviator on a loop, quoting “Way of the future” and “show me all the blueprints” for the past month? Me neither, that would seriously harm the close relationships in your life. “Bring in the milk”.

A perfect companion (or welcome break) from the OCD Howard Hughes biopic would be the latest in Mark Waid’s take on The Rocketeer, co-starring Will Eisner’s The Spirit, subtitled “Pulp Friction”.


Alderman Cunningham is found murdered 3000 miles away in Hollywood from his home in Central City.

After The Spirit, Denny Colt makes his way to California to investigate, The Rocketeer, Cliff Secord and mentor, Peevy grow suspicious.

The Rocketeer picks up The Spirit for an amazing round of hand to hand combat hundreds of feet in the air, unlike anything seen before!

You’ll have to tune in next month to find out more, as Cliff’s Betty starts to fall for none other than The Spirit!

Mark Waid, ladies and gentlemen, teaming up classic characters and telling the best stories in monthly comic books on the shelves this year.


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TURN AN ATARI 2600 Into An iPod/iPhone Docking Station

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I'm a big fan of recycling old objects and turning them into useful equipment that will happily take up space in my house. Of course, I am not super patient when it comes to hacking various technological doodads and making them awesome (probably because I have the attention span of an infant) but I am lucky that I am surrounded by friends who are much, much better than me in this regard and who will do what I ask if I cook for them.

(It's surprising how, as I get older, people are willing to do the same types of favors for me for chocolate, peanut butter balls as they once did when I easily put out...must be due to my incredible culinary skills and not to the fact that my ass has spread)

If you are the handy type of person who has a mean nostalgia streak, follow along with Instructables user Andrew Mcneil (via the video below) as he turns the glorious Atari 2600 into a docking station for his iPod. 

Then go ahead and starting building a few for yourself and some friends.

If you make one for me, I'll send you a batch of my famous Chocolate, Peanut Butter Balls.

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Gaming Royalty, Or Why Prince George Has Nothing On Princess Zelda

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People assume that because I live in the UK and especially because I'm from London that I care about the Royal Baby.  These people are very wrong, it's not that I don't care that a human life was created, that part is awesome, but I have no opinion on the Royal Family other than they are great for UK tourism.

Ugh...
I do however, care about another kind of royalty and due to all this talk in the media about future Kings and Queens, Princes and Princesses I started thinking about gaming royalty.

I'm not referring to our Miyamoto's, Hirai's, Newell's and Iwata's (because they are akin to deities, not royalty!), rather I'm talking about the royal characters that have graced us with their sovereignty over the years.

As a frequent visitor to Hyrule, having played the majority of The Legend Of Zelda games, I have perhaps been a loyal subject of Princess Zelda the longest.

What makes her awesome is that she represents part of the triforce associated with wisdom.

Her father, the King barely makes an appearance but his daughter more than makes up for that.

Some say she doesn't really care about her subjects and that barely shows any compassion toward them but I view her cool indifference as an air of calm, she is serene in threatening situations which is an admirable quality in a leader.

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"F*CK ALL YOU LIBTARDS"...Or So Says the Gilberton, Pennsylvania Police Chief (facepalm)

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When my husband announced that he would be moving his and my ass up to Pennsylvania for a teaching job over a half-decade ago, I thought that the move north would be interesting (We were living in the Deep South and he wanted to see snow again).

I had no idea how profound that thought would become once I settled in and learned that Northeastern PA is a dark, crazy world that even the fiddler boy from Deliverance would be frightened of.

And the following "Apology" video by Gilberton, PA Police Chief Mark Kessler (which is beginning to get traction on the web), certainly illustrates what I get to put up with by living here (Gilberton is about 45 minutes from me).

So, what, exactly, is he apologizing for?

For uploading a one-minute video of himself exclaiming "Fuck All You Libtards" and telling politically-swinging Liberals to "take it up the ass".

Yep, this is the Chief of Police.

Oh, and, his way of  apologizing includes not apologizing, showing off his various gun collection and peppering his groveling with random outbursts of "Fuck You" (all of which is supported by the Gilberton mayor).

Just so you know, Kessler is also a member of the school board, and once shot himself while at a bar so.... I gotta move.

Videos after the break.

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THE BRIDGE: "Rio" S1E3 (review)

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By Matt 'Quori' Armstrong
We begin this week with the funeral of Charlotte’s deceased husband, Karl Millwright.

We see he was previously married as he is laid to rest next to the grave of his late first wife.

Now this sets up some interesting questions around Charlotte and Karl’s marriage. Karl’s gravestone indicates he is 61 yrs old. Now Annabeth Gish who plays Charlotte is in fact 42, and her character looks to be in her mid-40’s.

So let’s be generous and put a good 16-18 yrs between Charlotte and Karl.

We learn Charlotte has a step-daughter named Kate and she is none too pleased with having a step-mother.

She expressly states “Take your whore money and leave me alone” She also is getting plastered at 10am and points out she did so at her mother’s funeral wondering at that time why her Dad (Karl) was not there at her mom’s grave site and was instead in Cabo with Charlotte.

We see no dates for the late Mrs. Millwright on her gravestone, so we have no clue how old she was our any indication as to when she died which would help with a time line for how long Karl and she were hitched.

Based solely on Kate’s interaction here, Charlotte entered the picture not too long ago. I’ll guess it’s only been a couple years at most. It would also make some sense that if it’s been a short time frame, that Charlotte would not know of Karl’s secrets and why he on his death bed expressed regret admitting he did not love Charlotte, this makes some sense.

If his wife was going through a long drawn out death due to a disease, perhaps he sought solace and comfort in Charlotte’s arms. He mistook that escapism for love and only when facing his own mortality did he realize it.

It’s a supposition, I know.

Later on post-funeral services we see an older Mexican woman admiring the horses in particular Karl’s prized champion stallion.

Charlotte approaches her and quickly surmises she is the client who shall not be named and insists that she wants nothing to do with the tunnel.

The woman tells her they are a lot alike and explains to her why “you did things to rise up from poverty and increase your social standing”.

Charlotte still refuses.

Mexican Voldemort Lady says goodbye to the horse and walks away.

This will clearly not end well for the horse.

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Sony Acquires 'COLD COMES THE NIGHT' With Alice Eve, Logan Marshall-Green and a Russian Bryan Cranston

Contest! Win 'GREAT WHITE SHARK: A LIVING LEGEND' on DVD!

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Get up close and personal with one of the most vicious predators of our oceans, the Great White Shark! We think of great whites as fearsome aquatic killers, but do we know them as well as we think? In this presentation from BBC's acclaimed Natural History Unit, Mike Rutzen, the world's foremost great white shark diver, follows great whites as they feed, at a proximity never before achieved. Mike's unique ability to communicate with them using his body language allows him to swim amongst them unscathed. Mike Explores why great white sharks occasionally attack people. He also challenges the view that their feeding is unstructured and frenzied, to prove instead that they obey the subtle rules of a complex form of social hierarchy. 
And we're giving away three copies!

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THE WOLVERINE (review)

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Review by Joe Yezukevich
Produced by Lauren Shuler Donner, Hugh Jackman, 
Hutch Parker, John Palermo
Screenplay by Christopher McQuarrie, 
Mark Bomback, Scott Frank
Based on Wolverine by Chris Claremont, Frank Miller
Directed by James Mangold
Starring Hugh Jackman, Haruhiko Yamanouchi, 
Tao Okamoto, Rila Fukushima, Hiroyuki Sanada, 
Will Yun Lee, Brian Tee, Svetlana Khodchenkova 

20th Century Fox / Rated PG-13

Good news True Believer: The Wolverine is not X-Men Origins: Wolverine.

Director James Mangold (3:10 to Yuma, Walk the Line) leads the  audience through a story that lends itself equally to examining the effects of war on a soldier as it does providing a hack and slash fest that fans of the 1982 Marvel Limited series are looking for.

There are certain snacks that comic fanboys will eat up - a fleshed out scene with a crazed grizzly comes to mind - but overall The Wolverine plays more like a slightly flawed Skyfall than the X-Men movies from which it has sprouted.

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