I have noticed that in the last few years guests who come to my home seldom use the coasters I put out for them, and instead proceed to drop sweating glasses of booze on top of my books, coffee table and even my fucking life-size Yoda for no other reason than to establish their douchebag-ness.
And, seeing that I am old and have no desire to make new friends, I've decided that the best course of action in educating my frenemies in social decorum would be to present them each with a carefully chosen coaster that best represents their personal issues via the Indelicate Doily Coasters. Which, if those assholes read the coaster, should make them more aware of my need to not clean wine stains off my 1st edition copy of Jonathan Lethem's Motherless Brooklyn.
With words of wisdom like: Don't Stain My Table Douchebag, You're Welcome Asshole, Be Considerate Bitches and, my personal favorite, Even Skanks Say Thanks, I'm pretty sure my friends will get the point.
And if they don't, well, let's just say that I'm not above spiking everyone's drink with ipecac.
You've all been warned.
Source: Foodiggity
