ARCHER: "Live and Let Dine" S4E7

March 1, 2013, 8:00 am

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By Ryan McLelland

WARNING: I'm going to tell you everything that happened in the episode. If you don't want to know then stop reading. OR ELSE!  And I'm going to use everyday Archer speak which means I assume you've seen the show. If you haven't seen the show stop reading spoilers on the current episode and go buy the first season on DVD. Or Blu-Ray. Or download it on iTunes. Netflix. You get the point.

Awesome TV chef Anthony Bourdain is in the house for this week's episode and you'll find out what the haps are with every single spoiler-filled moment!

Episode 7: LIVE AND LET DINE - It's another episode of Bastard Chef and Chef Lance Casteau (voiced by guest star Anthony Bourdain) is rather ticked off at the "shithead squadron" that has infiltrated his restaurant. That squadron is none other than our faithful ISIS agents undercover to see that the U.S. State Department and diplomats from Albania have a great meal together. Why? Because there is a threat against them. Who can stop this threat? Archer, of course!

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LET'S HAVE FUN With Some Misheard Lyrics

March 1, 2013, 9:00 am

≫ Next: MY TOP 5: Texas Movies

≪ Previous: ARCHER: "Live and Let Dine" S4E7

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It's Friday and the first day of March, which that means we are heading toward a season of regrowth and temperatures above fucking 32 degrees (finally). So why not celebrate that fact with some audible fun brought to you by a couple of videos that joyously embrace those songs whose misheard lyrics, in my opinion, make the song better.

If you are wondering why I sound so happy right now, I'm on some spectacular pain medication that has, if I could steal a line from the great Bill Hicks, squeegeed my third eye quite cleanly.

If you need me, I'll be in my spaceship.
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MY TOP 5: Texas Movies

March 1, 2013, 10:00 am

≫ Next: HUNGRY? Well You Won't Be After Watching The Animated Short Dogsnack-Butt Snack by Rugburn

≪ Previous: LET'S HAVE FUN With Some Misheard Lyrics

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My home state has been through a lot over the last 200 years.

This Saturday, March 2nd, is Texas Independence Day. That's the day that we won our independence from Mexico and became our own sovereign nation, The Republic Of Texas, in 1836.

(This is why people think that we're allowed to secede. In fact, it was only recently that I found out that this was wrong. We aren't, though. Sorry, secessionists).

Less than ten years later, US President John Tyler signed the bill to annex the small country to become a huge state.

Since then, there have been a lot of movies made in and about Texas. Some great, some terrible, but all showing a different facet of an interesting state.

Here are my five favorites. (Notice that none of them are called The Alamo.)

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HUNGRY? Well You Won't Be After Watching The Animated Short Dogsnack-Butt Snack by Rugburn

March 1, 2013, 11:00 am

≫ Next: FOG! Interview: 007 Scholar ALAN J. PORTER on SKYFALL and 50 Years of Bond on Film

≪ Previous: MY TOP 5: Texas Movies

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Sometimes I wonder if my life would have been more interesting if I had taken some classes in animation rather than spending years with my ass planted in lecture halls dissecting the minutia of Hemingway's The Old Man and the Sea .

But then I see something like this animated masterpiece and realize that I just don't have the talent to create anything this superb or profound.

It sort of makes me sad.

Oh well, at least it's filled with fart jokes.
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FOG! Interview: 007 Scholar ALAN J. PORTER on SKYFALL and 50 Years of Bond on Film

March 1, 2013, 12:00 pm

≫ Next: KID STUFF: The Hip Hop Board Book: 'Cause It's Never Too Early To Make Your Kid Into A B-Boy or Girl

≪ Previous: HUNGRY? Well You Won't Be After Watching The Animated Short Dogsnack-Butt Snack by Rugburn

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Interview by Brian Saner Lamken

Alan J. Porter was born in Greater Manchester, England, and grew up in the UK but moved to the States in 1996. He currently lives in Texas, where in addition to working as the Content Marketing Manager for Caterpillar Inc. he writes comics (including Disney/Pixar's Cars), prose fiction (including an upcoming novella about H. Rider Haggard's Allan Quatermain), and non-fiction (including Star Trek: A Comics History and James Bond: The History of the Illustrated 007).

I first "met" Alan almost 20 years ago via the Comics/Animation Forum on CompuServe. When my Skyfall review got me thinking anew about the world of Bond, it only made sense to pick the brain of the man cataloging Bond continuity and chronology in The James Bond Lexicon: The Unofficial Guide to the World of 007 in Movies, Novels, and Comics.

Our freewheeling E-mail conversation, held over the course of a week or so, follows.

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KID STUFF: The Hip Hop Board Book: 'Cause It's Never Too Early To Make Your Kid Into A B-Boy or Girl

March 1, 2013, 1:00 pm

≫ Next: Marvel Comics Silver Age DisContinuity 006Fantastic Four #5

≪ Previous: FOG! Interview: 007 Scholar ALAN J. PORTER on SKYFALL and 50 Years of Bond on Film

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They (whoever the hell They are) say that reading to your kids (even those that have just exited out of your hoo-ha) helps to kick start their little brains and, if read to repeatedly throughout the first years of their life, could make them less stupid when they enter school or have a conversation with me (which, by the way, would be lovely).

But why limit their baby education to just numbers, colors and the alphabet when there's a perfectly good Hip Hop Board Book out on the market that will teach them the finer points of break dancing, graffiti and DJ-ing.

 You know, stuff they will really need, like, say for instance:  Learning to Rhyme
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Marvel Comics Silver Age DisContinuity 006Fantastic Four #5

March 1, 2013, 2:00 pm

≫ Next: IF JEM AND THE HOLOGRAMS Were Real People, Here's What They Would Look Like

≪ Previous: KID STUFF: The Hip Hop Board Book: 'Cause It's Never Too Early To Make Your Kid Into A B-Boy or Girl

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One of the greatest guides to the concept of continuity in a specific series is The DisContinuity Guide: The Unofficial Doctor Who Companion by Paul Cornell, Martin Day and Keith Topping, first put out in 1995.

From my point of view the genius of this work is in the way the authors peel back the layers of a complex text like Doctor Who, and start back at the beginning, when we didn't know anything about the series or what it would eventually evolve into.

This allows us to see the ways in which the universe was expanded, sometimes carefully, often times not. We get to see undeveloped themes and the earliest examples of new themes.

Like an evolutionary biologist studying our small, brown furred burrowing human ancestors, we get a look at the way things were without the baggage of the way things are. 

Marvel Comics Silver Age DisContinuity 006

Fantastic Four 005

Title(s):
Prisoners of Doctor Doom! Part 1
Part 2 Back to the Past!
Part 3 On the Trail of Blackbeard
Part 4 Battle
Part 5 "The Vengeance of Doctor Doom!

Publication Date / On Sale Date:
July 1962 / April 10, 1962

Writer / Artists:
Stan Lee, Jack Kirby

Sources:
Man in the Iron Mask, Death, Blackbeard, The Time Machine, Merlin,



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IF JEM AND THE HOLOGRAMS Were Real People, Here's What They Would Look Like

March 1, 2013, 3:21 pm

≫ Next: ZERO HOUR: "Pendulum: S1E3 (review)

≪ Previous: Marvel Comics Silver Age DisContinuity 006Fantastic Four #5

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The cartoon Jem was crazed and stupid, but, for whatever reason, it was also enjoyable and I watched it like an addict scarfing down Sugar Smacks while hopped up on cocaine (meaning I was all googly-eyed and feeling pretty good while it was on TV).

And, due to people's longing for their youth, Jem has made kind of a comeback and is now all popular and shit, which leads me to believe that soon, there's going to be a live action version of it and will need to be cast properly to insure that fans of the show don't go ape-shit.

So, without further ado, I give you Jem and the Holograms! (brought to you by Buzzfeed):

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ZERO HOUR: "Pendulum: S1E3 (review)

March 1, 2013, 4:00 pm

≫ Next: Where's the Digital Copy for Books?

≪ Previous: IF JEM AND THE HOLOGRAMS Were Real People, Here's What They Would Look Like

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By Rich Redman

This week, we open with Hank (Anthony Edwards) and Beck (Carmen Ejogo) searching a building for Laila (Jacinda Barrett).

Hank finds her tied up.  She tells him that “he” is coming back.

As he unties Laila, Hank says that Beck is there to get White Vincent (Michael Nyqvist).  Laila says Hank doesn’t understand. He is coming back.

Locusts shatter the windows of the building, and Hank wakes up in an airplane flying home from India.

Hank and Beck have a conversation, in which Beck admits to curiosity about why Laila is alive, since White Vincent has never kept a hostage before.


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Where's the Digital Copy for Books?

March 1, 2013, 5:00 pm

≫ Next: Contest! Win INTERVIEW WITH A HITMAN on Blu-ray!

≪ Previous: ZERO HOUR: "Pendulum: S1E3 (review)

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It seems these days we’re living in an impressively modern age where one can purchase a regular DVD or Blu-ray version of a movie, or a special edition which comes with a Blu-ray copy and a regular DVD version of the movie on a separate disc, allowing viewers to enjoy the movie on various devices of their choosing. 

Take for example the recent release of the movie Moonrise Kingdom.  The special Blu-ray edition includes a copy of the movie in Blu-ray, a copy on regular DVD, a digital copy that can be downloaded with a code, and even an Ultraviolet copy allowing you to be able to access the movie in the cloud to stream and download onto tablets, smartphones, computers and TVs.

The reason for this change in production is a logical one.  This way people wanting to enjoy the movie, can do so on a variety of different devices -- Blu-ray player, regular DVD player, tablet or even smartphone -- at the same time with multiple members of a family or group of friends.  It changes a product into something that can be freely enjoyed through a choice of devices at any time in about any given situation.  I think this is a great advancement in movie production.

My question is: where is the equivalent for the book world?

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Contest! Win INTERVIEW WITH A HITMAN on Blu-ray!

March 1, 2013, 6:00 pm

≫ Next: Final IRON MAN 3 Trailer!!!

≪ Previous: Where's the Digital Copy for Books?

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Silent. Relentless. No attachments. This is Viktor’s code. The mantra that took him from the slums of Romania to the pinnacle of his profession – as a murderer for hire. Viktor knows the value of life more than most, which makes him the perfect killer. But after a ruthless betrayal by his bosses, he escapes to London, joins a new “family,” and finds himself caught in a vicious underworld power struggle. Viktor is now better, faster and more ruthless than ever before, but an encounter with a dark beauty offers him a chance at new life. But can he ever hope to escape the ghosts- and buried secrets – of his past?

And we're giving away three copies!

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Final IRON MAN 3 Trailer!!!

March 5, 2013, 9:32 am

≫ Next: X-Termination—A Crossover to Nowhere

≪ Previous: Contest! Win INTERVIEW WITH A HITMAN on Blu-ray!

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X-Termination—A Crossover to Nowhere

March 5, 2013, 10:00 am

≫ Next: AN UPSETTING MUSIC VIDEO That Will Quite Possibly Make You Cry: Hundred Waters- Boreal

≪ Previous: Final IRON MAN 3 Trailer!!!

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By now, you’ve got to know that events and event comics are here to stay.  Sure, people can cry and complain about how fans are experiencing “event fatigue,” and how they’re tired of the constant stream of crossovers, particularly from Marvel and DC.


But at the end of the day, the simple fact is that events aren’t going anywhere because they sell. 

Period. 

Avengers Vs. X-Men was a total of 13 issues and every issue—every single one—was in the top ten.  Every tie-in—again, every single one—was in the top 20-25. 

DC’s Secret Six had a moderately sized, but fiercely loyal, fanbase, but after the first issue of the series, guess what the top selling issues were? 

The tie-ins to Battle For the Cowl, Blackest Night, and a storyline with Action Comics.

This was the highest selling issue of this entire series. Guess why.  Go ahead, you’ll NEVER guess…

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AN UPSETTING MUSIC VIDEO That Will Quite Possibly Make You Cry: Hundred Waters- Boreal

March 5, 2013, 11:00 am

≫ Next: More Traditional Than You'll Admit: A Look At OSCARS 2012

≪ Previous: X-Termination—A Crossover to Nowhere

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Yeah, the picture's fuzzy, but doesn't it kinda look like the offspring of Bigfoot and a Yeti?

Usually I leave the music videos for Monday because I truly believe that in order to make it through the first day back at work, you need a little musical distraction. But the video for Hundred Waters' Boreal is so weird and upsetting that I feel I need to make an exception to that rule and show it to you.

I'm not sure it's going to help you get through day two at your soul-sucking job, but at least you might be able to leave early due to the explosive diarrhea that you will certainly be suffering from after viewing it.
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More Traditional Than You'll Admit: A Look At OSCARS 2012

March 5, 2013, 12:00 pm

≫ Next: WANNA SEE A JAPANESE Police Thriller Starring Children? No, I'm Not Drunk, It's Called 'Kid's Police' So Go To Hell

≪ Previous: AN UPSETTING MUSIC VIDEO That Will Quite Possibly Make You Cry: Hundred Waters- Boreal

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Dear Hollywood,

I flew in the face of tradition this year and watched the Oscars the day after it took place, not wanting to stay up til six for a ceremony that yielded little in the way of surprise.

The majority of my predictions came true and the films I thought would win, did win. Many awards were well placed and deserved it, but some were clearly only awarded due a combination of hype, laziness and the influence of popular opinion.

For example, was Jennifer Lawrence really better in Silver Linings then Jessica Chastain in Zero Dark Thirty?

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WANNA SEE A JAPANESE Police Thriller Starring Children? No, I'm Not Drunk, It's Called 'Kid's Police' So Go To Hell

March 5, 2013, 1:00 pm

≫ Next: A Geek Guide to SXSW Film 2013

≪ Previous: More Traditional Than You'll Admit: A Look At OSCARS 2012

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I'm not really into kid's movies but I have to say, I'm sort of intrigued by this mash-up of every police drama known to man starring youngsters dressed as adults. I mean, it looks far more promising than The Expendables 3 (which will no doubt star elderly action stars in wheelchairs fighting heart disease instead of bad guys) so yeah, I'd spend $7 to see it.

And if this trailer is simply a taste at the spectacle to come, then I'm all in.

Although, I may just be too old for this shit...or whatever catch phrase is pertinent to a popular action-police drama.
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A Geek Guide to SXSW Film 2013

March 5, 2013, 2:37 pm

≫ Next: WEDDING DOGS: A Celebration of Holy Muttrimony (Review)

≪ Previous: WANNA SEE A JAPANESE Police Thriller Starring Children? No, I'm Not Drunk, It's Called 'Kid's Police' So Go To Hell

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Rebooted demons, Napster memories, dueling magicians and another Before movie are only some of the highlights of this year's South By Southwest (SXSW) Film Festival, which kicks off this Friday.

As this is my first time in attendance at the festival (and frankly, my first time ever in Texas), I'm completely geeking out over the overwhelming line-up.

Here's a shortlist of what movies I plan on catching, in between hipster dodging and food-coma inducing BBQ...

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WEDDING DOGS: A Celebration of Holy Muttrimony (Review)

March 5, 2013, 3:00 pm

≫ Next: WRECK-IT RALPH: Stop Being a Wuss About Disney Movies and Buy It Already! (DVD/Blu-ray review)

≪ Previous: A Geek Guide to SXSW Film 2013

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Cats may be the Kings and Queens of the Internet (for Christ sake, even the London Zoo has created a "Cat Map" to help track all the kittehs in the world) but dogs finally have their day in a new book by Katie Preston Toepfer and Adam Stall called Wedding Dogs, which shows off Man's Best Friend sharing in their owner's big day.

Take that cats.

Filled with beautiful photos and stories by the people who were able to talk their families into allowing a dog in their ceremony, Wedding Dogs is what you would call a weepy book for those of us who happen to enjoy being slobbered on by the best animal ever.

I mean, seriously, take a look at this:
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WRECK-IT RALPH: Stop Being a Wuss About Disney Movies and Buy It Already! (DVD/Blu-ray review)

March 5, 2013, 4:00 pm

≫ Next: Contest! Win COLLABORATOR on DVD Starring Martin Donovan and David Morse

≪ Previous: WEDDING DOGS: A Celebration of Holy Muttrimony (Review)

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By PJ Hruschak

Wreck-it Ralph uses a quick dash through nostalgic gaming to grab older gamers and rivet them to a chair.

Disney’s theatrical homage to video games, Wreck-it Ralph, manages to include more than enough elements adults can appreciate.

This is not only a movie that parents can watch without cringing but proves to be a film that even the manliest dude - and girliest girl - seeks out.

Wreck-it Ralph is a love story. No, not that kind. It's an homage to video games gone by, to video games arcades (which essentially do not exist aside from a few rare exceptions) and to people being sappy about pixels.




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Contest! Win COLLABORATOR on DVD Starring Martin Donovan and David Morse

March 5, 2013, 5:00 pm

≫ Next: THE FOLLOWING: "Let Me Go" S1E7 (review)

≪ Previous: WRECK-IT RALPH: Stop Being a Wuss About Disney Movies and Buy It Already! (DVD/Blu-ray review)

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Martin Donovan and David Morse are “ferociously good” (says the New York Post!) in the acclaimed, darkly comic thriller, COLLABORATOR! The multi-talented Donovan’s critically-acclaimed debut as writer/director/actor follows the troubled Robert Longfellow (Donovan, The Opposite of Sex, A Haunting in Connecticut, “Boss,” "Weeds”) – a famous playwright who can’t seem to catch a break. His recent Broadway play was met with horrible reviews and an early cancellation, and his marriage is being tested by an old flame (Olivia Williams, The Ghost Writer, Rushmore) who reenters his life during a particular moment of weakness. Retreating back to his childhood home to visit his mother, Robert crosses paths with his childhood neighbor, Gus (David Morse, The Green Mile, Dancer in the Dark, “Treme”). Now a right-wing, ex-con who still lives at home with his mother, Gus is Robert’s polar opposite in every possible way. When Gus holds Robert hostage at gunpoint during a drunken reunion gone terribly wrong, the drama unfolds as social status, celebrity and the imminent threat of violence converge, building up to a climax that will leave both men forever changed.

And we're giving away three copies!

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